David's POZ Blog

Gravitas. Wikipedia defines it as the sense of dignity, seriousness, and duty that is one of the several virtues that ancient Roman society expected men to possess, along with pietas and dignitas.

The Wiki entry goes on to explain that Gravitas should not be confused with "gravity" in the sense of importance.

It also reminds us that "Gravitas" was frequently used by news media outlets during the 2000 United States Presidential race to describe the addition of Dick Cheney to the George W. Bush. campaign. Cheney, an experienced politician and member of President George H. W. Bush's cabinet, according to many media outlets, added "gravitas" to the campaign. What that got us is, well, history. We’ve now been through six and a half years of what has arguably been the worst administration in U.S. history.

Despite what we’ve all experienced together since the Redpublicans stole the election in 2000, this month’s rap on Barack Obama is that he lacks the Gravitas to win the November election. The Reds - who believe that Obama would be tougher to beat than Hillary - are also heating up the old “he’s an elitist” rhetoric that Spiro Agnew used to bludgeon us blind with back in the 1970's. Both of those tags are meritless. I see in Obama a man who has the ability to lead us, and while Barack may be different from many of us in troubling ways, he is by far the best of the three candidates, in my opinion. McCain - whose humorous put-down of the Woodstock generation revealed his own elitism - is out of the question. McCain will keep walking us down the same path to economic and cultural marginalization that we all been have walking with Mr. Bush and his friends. If Barack isn’t a perfect human being, I’ll take his flaws over those of Hillary and John. It’s about time we stopped paying attention to the pins on our lapels and the labels we pin on others, and paid attention to the truth. That’s the only Gravitas I’m interested in.

SEX. It may be the most complicated three letter word in the English language. Sex, and the pursuit of it, causes more people more problems than any other human need besides food, shelter and a reliable broadband connection. That fact is not, as they say, rocket science.

Having any STD complicates sex. It brings another, dark dimension into doing what comes naturally. We seek out others who have the same STD because it means that we won’t have to won’t have to worry about what’s behind door number one.

But while sharing the same STD is a terrific sexual lubricant, it isn’t the basis for a lasting bond, and too many of us ignore this obvious truism. We peruse the personals here at Poz Personals and on other internet dating sites, hoping that we’ll find someone else with HIV (or whatever other viral acronym,) to connect with. Well, take it from me, that ‘aint the answer.

I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for more than twenty years. She happens to be HIV negative, and while our sero-discordancy has certainly caused issues, our marriage has endured in spite of them. Sex may get you into a relationship, but it won’t keep you in one that has any meaning to it.

What keeps two human beings in a long-term relationship are common goals and interests. For most of us, those goals and interests are simple enough to understand; for others, it may be more complex, but ultimately, any meaningful LTR is always based on compatible goals and interests, and not just a few hours of physical pleasure.

As I said, none of this is rocket science. We all understand it. But too often, we forget. We forget, or choose not to think about it, because our sexual needs can overwhelm us.

HIV has certainly complicated my sex life over the years, and because matters of sexual intimacy (in my humble opinion, anyway) shouldn’t be shared with the general public, you won’t be reading any salacious details in this post. Suffice it to say that some of us do what we have to do in order to maintain the emotional health that HIV all often too eats away at, and therein lies the rub: when two people have the kind of sexual intimacy that leaves both of them feeling joyful in the moment, we usually wind up wanting more. So if you are going to fool around with someone, make sure that you both know the risks. Talk about it. Set boundaries. Make sure you both understand exactly what it is you are looking for before you jump in, or someone will get hurt.

And tell them Dr. Phil did NOT send you.

Catching a cold is like a having creepy house guest - you can’t get rid of it and it doesn’t want to leave.

This one started last Thursday, with that typical drip in the back of my throat that always heralds the arrival of a rhinoviral vagrant. And when it starts, you always know that you’re going to be in for a very unpleasant week or so.

As of today, I’ve gone through three boxes of Kleenex and I’m now on my second or third box of Sudafed. Suffice it to say that this one has been a real drip. I spent the weekend at home, trying to shake the sucker, but it refused to cooperate. Like that creepy houseguest, it’s still with me, lingering on, annoying and unwanted.

The good news is that it finally feels like it’s getting ready to leave. When I had breakfast this morning I was actually able to taste my carrot juice for the first time in five days. I’ve even begun to regain my sense of humor, which skipped out the door when this particular cold lowered it's badass head and charged in.

Needless to say, I’m happy that my cold has decided to move on. The weather here in NYC is beginning to change, and I’ll be glad to smell the roses, for at least another Spring. When you've lived with HIV as long as I have, you have to be grateful.

On another note, you may have noticed that the link to "Eldredge Street", at the bottom of the last blog entry, wasn't working. It's now been fixed, so feel free to give it a try. Shiny Gates, the heroine of the story, is a very cool chick. If you behave yourself, maybe I'll fix you up with her...

Mea Culpa. If you've been following this blog, Eldredge Street is the name of the novel I've been working on, the first two segments of which were previously posted here a few weeks ago. So what happened to them? I repaved the street, so to speak - the software we use for the blogs was unhappy with the size of the files. If you haven't read any of it, Eldredge Street is a story about an HIV positive defense attorney, and a very unusual client who changes his life. You can read or print the latest version by clicking on the link below. I hope you enjoy reading it...

http://redlockbox.net

You just can’t make this stuff up. Our last governor, Eliot Spitzer, resigned after it was revealed that he’d been having sex with a prostitute. Our new governor, David Paterson, formally announced today that he’s had multiple affairs.

If you’ve been following this story, you know that that there’s obviously a huge difference between Eliot Spitzer’s hypocrisy and David Paterson’s sex life, and I’m glad that Paterson is being honest, but there is a limit to how much I want to hear about everyone else’s pubic policies. Seriously.

On the other hand, perhaps those who have HIV and other diseases that are usually associated with human conduct should be pleased with all this: if it’s acceptable to have our leaders admit their personal imperfections, then the public should be able to accept a leader who picked up HIV while abusing drugs with a call girl, right? And what could be better than an HIV positive President whose First Lady is an immortal jewish vampire, and a white house haunted by the ghost of a call girl who died from the AIDS the president gave her? I hereby declare my candidacy: vote “wishihadacat” this November.

Here is the link for campaign donations: