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She finally did it. I knew that Cupcake was addicted to those darned cookies, but I had no idea how serious her problem had become. I have no idea what I am going to do. She refuses to let me post bail for her, and I can’t seem to get in touch with any of her relatives back in the old country. To make matters worse, Cupcake is in complete denial about her problem and refuses to seek counseling. The whole situation really sucks.
Addiction to Girl Scout cookies is a serious problem in this country - over four million people are believed to suffer from this condition, which is an annual crises that contributes to global warming and strains our health care system.
I've tried everything. I've tried hiding the boxes, but Cupcake's keen vampire olfactory powers defeat me at every turn. Our condo is so littered with empty boxes that I keep tripping over them. I'm completely freaked out, and I feel like I'm enabling her in some way. If anyone has any suggestions, I could really use some help here.
This is a picture of the enemy:
These cookies are a danger to society; they are a gateway to serious substance abuse. I would call our congressman, Buck Sludgemaker, for help but its very hard to explain how I ended up living with an HIV positive vampire in the first place, and I fear that someone like Sludgemaker, who is a right wing religious conservative, will use our dilemma as another means to demonize the HIV positive community. On the other hand, if they keep her locked up I'm afraid that something terrible will happen to her in jail, and I'll feel like a real crumb. HELP ME!