David's POZ Blog

It figures. I've been so busy with work (!) lately that I haven't been able to devote much time to blogging, and the only comment I've received in weeks came this morning from an outfit called "penisenlargementz@gmail.com"

While I ordinarily would have simply erased the comment (I did) and gone back to whatever it was that I was doing when I received the comment notification, I was intrigued. Could it be true? Could I really enlarge my penis by using a product from penisenlargementz.com? Would this be the answer to whatever problems might ail me? Could I really enjoy the benefits of a larger penis simply by using their product?

I sent them a reply, requesting information: "Dear penisenlargementz", I wrote, "send me your product. Tell me how to make my penis grow."

I didn't really really expect to hear from them, but within minutes there appeared on my screen a message telling me that "for only $69" I could make my penis grow. "Well", I thought, "69 bucks isn't all that much money, what the heck, why not?" I logged onto their web site, which explained that if I sent my check to their address in Michigan, they would send me their "potent" herbal product, with complete instructions on how to make my johnson magic. Now I don't know about you folks out there, but the last thing I need at this point in my life is advice on how to make my penis grow. We all know how that works.

But I needed a good laugh - living with HIV is no joke.

Not wanting to invest my hard-earned money on such an obvious scam, I looked up the owners of penisenlargementz.com using Whois, a service that provides information about web site owners. Surprisingly, there was a telephone number listed, so I picked up the phone and called them. I didn't expect anyone to answer, but I dialed the listed number anyway. A woman (I think) with a deep, sexy voice answered the phone:

"Good morning, Phallic Pharmacy, this is Betty speaking", she cooed.

"Hi Betty", I said, "my name is David, and I'm interested in your product."

"Hello David", she answered, "would you like a larger penis?"

"Well, Betty", I replied, "frankly, my penis is already quite large, but you never can get enough of a good thing."

"Really?" she said, "you have a big one?"

"Oh yes", I answered, "my penis is ENORMOUS."

"Wow", she moaned, "it's been a long time since I've had such a real man on the phone."

"Really? I'm surprised. After all, your product sounds like something that would raise a lot of interest."

"Well, David, to be perfectly candid, we don't get that many calls, and most of the men who call don't sound particularly bright. After all, penisenlargementz.com is a spam site that sells worthless products to desperate men."

"No kidding?" I replied, "most of your callers are losers?"

"Yes, oh yes", she said, "the last person who called us was John McCain."

"McCain?" I said, "you mean the John McCain who is running for president?"

"Oooh yes. He told me that he wanted a REALLY big penis so that he could screw all of the voters."

"He actually admitted that?" I said.

"Uh huh. He wants to stick it to all of us for another four years." she replied.

"Well", I said, "that's not surprising. After all, he is a republican."

It's amazing what you can learn on the web.