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October 23, 2004
Acceptance
The whole concept of acceptance has been being brought up to me again and again lately. I've found that when certain themes start to show up repeatedly in my life it's time to take a closer look....and since I have this blog you get to come along for the ride.
Life situations are ever changing. I've noticed that there is so much heart break and pain when people dealing with these changes can't accept the changes in their life. They spend their time wishing things would remain the same. Approaching life situations and relationships in the same way...a way that no longer works. It causes so much mental turmoil.
The key is acceptance. That's not a roll over and give up kind of thing. It's accepting things as they are and then being able to look at the situation with new 'eyes' to build and move forward from there. We can't control all the things that happen in our lives, but we can control how we approach them.
We can choose to try and move mountains to get our life back the way it was, wearing ourselves out in the process. We can worry about it. Stress about it. Make ourselves sick over it...OR we can learn to accept the changes that come and see them as an opportunity for growth, for expansion, for better things.
I know a woman struggling with this very issue. Her husband has Alzheimer's and is in assisted living. She now has to deal with everything from the mundane....where and what is the fuse box...to coming to terms with the fact that her life is forever changed. Their relationship was stable and one she could count on, but now the rules have changed. She's having to come to terms with the fact that the 'we' she's had for over 60 years is no longer the same. She fights against this. That's a natural reaction. She takes him swimming and walking. Makes sure he has all the medications he needs. All the while hoping that someday he will be better. Logically she knows this isn't the case, but she holds that wish close to her heart.
But it's not helping her. The old patterns of behavior don't work anymore, but she's not quite ready to accept the fact that things are now different. So she's stuck. Held back by denial. It's not good for her. It causes stress, anxiety, depression. She's taking baby steps however. She's thinking of going back to school. Something just for her. That's a good start.
It doesn't matter what the life change is; an illness, a death of a loved one, a lost job, a child moving out. The moment we can accept changes in our life, we have the abiltiy to come up with new solutions that work. We have the ability to take the lessons that need to be learned and apply them in our lives. Accpetance frees us to move forward.
Posted by aster1961 at 07:36 AM
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October 18, 2004
It's Not Just a Right
My daughter mentioned the other day that they were watching "Fahrenheit 911" in Government class. Living in a very conservative part of the country I thought this was noteworthy and was a bit surprised by this. It was another little tidbit she passed along in this conversation that seem to clear up the reason...it seems her teacher is a Bush supporter. Ah...now it became clear to me. Watch the movie, then bash it.
That's what you get for assuming. I was wrong.
Apparently they have been going over all the issues, positions, controversies, etc in class. Her teacher has been exposing them to all sides. It seems he feels it's important to introduce them to all the topics and give them all the information so they can weigh what they learn and make their own decisions. He's teaching them to look at all sides. He's teaching them to be involved. He's teaching them to think for themselves and form their own opinions.
It's important to him that they learn to make informed decisions. He has a very good reason for this. 7 students in this class will be voting for the first time this election. His major push on all this is mostly to prepare them, but the others in the class will be old enough next year and they will benefit enormously by his message this year. Get involved. Know the issues...and most importantly get out and vote.
I'm in awe of this teacher. Not only is he preparing these first time voters for this election, but his message is life long. We are the people. We do have a voice and it's up to us to use it. By using this right you are saying you care enough about this country to voice your opinion on the direction we take.
I like his message. Get involved in the process and on Election Day take a stand.
Posted by aster1961 at 08:35 AM
Comments? Post them in our "Comments on The HIV Blogs" forum.
October 16, 2004
Redecorating Hell
It's been an interesting week. We redecorated the bedroom. I hate thinking about the actual redecorating part, but I love the new, fresh, clean feel you get with it. Anyway, we're fairly compatible about what we like and we have fun. Besides, I love projects, you can let your imagination run wild!
I should let you know I can't stand plain walls. I've faux painted just about every wall in this house. My husband's job is to put the base coat on and my is to do the faux painting. HOWEVER, I admit, I really screwed up the bedroom a couple of years ago. I thought I'd be daring! I used this technique that used a roller that would cause a 'marbling' effect. The process requires two colors. I used intense green and blue. I couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to go with a stormy sea feel or a jungle feel. I'm blaming my indecision on my color choices. Anyway, it was bad. But after trying to fix it and in doing so ending up painting the walls 3 times, I gave up. I was painted out. So...we lived with it...until last weekend.
We set out to get a chest of drawers. We ended up with a new bedroom set. This was Saturday. They delivered yesterday (Friday). Anyway between Saturday and Friday we had to do something with the bedroom. My vote: Complete Redo! My husband's vote: "Let's try to fix it...I like the green and blue." Funny, he's never liked it until I suggested it was time to paint over it. I won. He finally said he would paint because if he didn't he would never hear the end of it. I suppose he's right.
It took two coats of one coat paint, but we got it covered. Yes, I did faux paint again, this time it's all soft, muted colors. We also managed to get the wood floor looking good, agree on what to do with the doors and the trim work and wrestled with having to give up our King size waterbed in place of Queen size regular bed. The dogs have now been introduced to the idea that a dog should sleep on the floor. I'm not counting on that lasting, but there just isn't the room anymore.
The room looks great with the new paint and new furniture. I do have an ulterior motive behind my projects. It gets my husband motivated. It gets him moving. It gets him involved.
He's been infected for about 18 years and it's taken it's toll. He fights with depression. He fights with this disease. He fights with the fatigue caused by all that fighting. I worry about him. I see he's slowly slipping away. He sees it too and we fight against that. It's this disease. It's his being on disability. It's not good for him. He doesn't have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everyone needs that.
So I come up with projects. I make him help me. The effect on him is great. His energy level rises. He laughs, jokes, and moves with a lighter pace. He's out of his rut for the moment. The effects will last for a while. He'll seem like his old self. He will want to get out and about...and do things. For right now, we've got the edge against this disease. For right now. I'm grateful for these times. I know they can be fleeting....and then what? Well I'm thinking it's about time to do something with the front hall.
Posted by aster1961 at 07:25 AM
Comments? Post them in our "Comments on The HIV Blogs" forum.