September 25, 2004
I'm Elizabeth
I'm 45. A Wife. A Mom. Work. Have a HUGE passion for gardening. Live in a rural community. And I happen to be HIV+.
I became infected sometime in the fall of '95. I found out on New Year's Eve of that year. My doctor had called the afternoon before and insisted I come in the next morning....if not that very afternoon. At least that prepared me...somewhat. While she didn't tell me why she insisted I come in, I knew. After getting over the inital emotional rollercoaster a few weeks later, I figured that had been a good thing. Better to get the bad news over with in a year that was ending instead of getting it in the new year.
Now, looking back over all these years I see how far I've come in accepting the fact I'm HIV+ (that was easy), but also in how I feel about myself being HIV+.
I started out scared to death that people would find out. How would they react? What would they think? Who would they tell?
I had help getting here. At times it sure didn't seem that way. I've had people tell other people that I didn't want to know. The biggest growth for me was after the fact my husband has AIDS was in an article in our small town paper... without our knowing. We found out just like everyone else. We happened to read the article. But you know what. The world didn't explode.
My biggest concern over this was how it would affect my kids. How would their friends feel about them..or would their parents keep them from the kids. I'm here to say that there is hope for the younger generation and their parents overcoming the stigmas attached to HIV. A few of their friends saw the article and I'm sure told a few others. Feed back from my kids was that their friends thought the paper should have minded their own business. As my daughter says "It's all good." As it turned out, nobody really cared...except the neighbor whose is a roofer down the street. He refused to even give us an estimate when time came to replace the roof...his loss of income...not mine.
Now, we all feel a bit more free. My kids don't have to feel they are leading double lives....those of us with HIV and those that love and live with PLWH sometimes feel leading double lives is the norm.
And hey! Another plus, I noticed it stopped those annoying questions, I'd been dodging for years from school personnel during school conferences (and with my son, there have been PLENTY of them) about why my husband doesn't work, what was his disability for???....now they knew.
With each of these little 'outings' I gained more confidence. I learned that my world would not come crashing down. And hey, if people had a problem with it, well it was their problem..... and today I'm writing on a website, using my real name with my picture along side.
I guess when you have to deal with your fears you find they aren't nearly as bad in reality as what you can conjure up in your mind.
I look forward to the future.
Posted by aster1961 at 08:16 AM
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