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December 03, 2004
The Question
I guess I have a dual viewpoint. Not only do I live with HIV, but I also have a loved one of with AIDS. From time to time it causes a bit of verbal gymnastics in terms of answering questions from co-workers.
We're both pretty easy going about our status in our personal life. However, I'm not willing to disclose to people I work with. Unlike in my personal life, if a person can't handle it, I just don't deal with them. I have to interact with the people I work with...and of course the topic is great fodder for office gossip.
I temp, so I have an excuse to stay somewhat aloof. After all, I'm only going to be around for a few months at most. The down side is the initial 'getting to know you' questions that come up in causal office conversations each time I switch assignments.
The hardest is 'What does your husband do?'. I learned early on not to tell the truth....'He's on disability' will only bring the inevitable question...'Why?'. I tried giving him Cancer, but unfortunately the person I was talking to knew someone that, knew someone with the type I had given my husband and then wanted to know what kind of treatment he was under....I really hadn't planned on all that.
Yeah, I've learned a lot about side-stepping since then. I now have a repertoire of suitably vague answers. I'm pretty good at the direct question.
It's the one out of the blue, from what I think, is a total unrelated topic that gets me. Yesterday we happened to be talking about car repairs and I happened to mention that my husband was driving a friend of ours up to PA to pick up his car that had broken down and he had to leave up there last week to be fixed. The response was something like "That's nice of him....must be nice to be able to just take off work....how'd he get his boss to let him take off"
Now mind you, the person saying this had just gone the rounds with her boss about taking the afternoon off.
The question itself was easily brushed off. I know it's not a huge thing. It's just that I HATE getting hit out of the blue with something like this. It's like a sucker punch. Not only because it leaves me scrambling to answer, but because of the feelings it brings up in me. It reminds me that I have to live with a secret. That I have to be constantly alert to ways I could slip up. I have something to hide. I have to maintain distance from people. I still have to lead a double life. It really sucks.
Posted by aster1961 at December 3, 2004 06:08 AM
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