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January 18, 2005
Death Hovers
You gotta be tough to be around my house tonight. We're all sniping at each other. It's that underlying current of worry. Make's people edgy.
You never get used to death hovering. It doesn't matter that I live with HIV, and have thought long and hard about death. It doesn't matter that I think I've come to terms with it. It doesn't matter that sometimes I can see death as a friend. It doesn't matter.
Two of my daughter's friends....teenagers...were in an accident. One is dead. The other in critical condition....what do you say?
We're all drawn into this because the one in critical condition...the one that was driving....is the son of a friend of ours that passed a year ago last May. We've known him most of his life. I remember that day. His dad died in his sleep. He had found him that morning. When we arrived they were taking his dad out. I found him sitting in a chair in his dad's room...looking so lost. It was so hard to find the words he needed.
But now, once again, I have to find the words....the right words...to help a child get through this. It's a rough part of life to get through and there seems be too much life cut short in the last couple of years.
It's because of the death in the shadows that I told the youngest child of mine that his "Papa" had AIDS...and was very sick and yes, there was a possiblity that he might not come home. I wrestled with my very soul over that one. How could I think that tearing down his secure world was a good thing, but how could I think that letting him be unprepared for what might come was a good thing? Helping a 10 year old with that was rough. On the plus side, he doesn't seem to have been traumatized by any of that and perhaps that helped him to help his friend last summer when his dad...another good friend of ours...died in a plane crash. God bless kids, they are one tough group.
So tonight we're all a little hard to get along with. It will pass. We will come together for this....we always do. I think that we do this because we realize how much we'd hurt to lose anyone of us and in realizing that we draw away a bit. The pain would be too great.
It's also in this pain that we are most acutely aware of how precious life and relationships are. In this house, I guess we all know death isn't really far off...it's a curse, it's a blessing.
Posted by aster1961 at 07:44 PM
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