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May 23, 2005
The Other Side
I'm a little surprised I don't have Libra somewhere prominently placed in my chart. I like balance. I like to try and understand all sides.
My post on the Fears forum caused some controversy and there was some debate over the whole thing. It was a topic that needed to be discussed.
But now I think it's time to try and understand the other side.
Lately I've noticed a tendency to be short tempered with the people over on the fears fourm. I am sometimes guilty of this also. I see this behavior, not only in those of us that are HIV+, but in people that have gone through the scary experience of testing and now stay to help. I know some of this has been caused by the nuisance of multiple posters, there is a limit, and they need to be dealt with......but other people are getting caught in the crossfire. People that don't deserve to be.
I first started posting to people that Feared HIV about 5...maybe 6 years ago. When I started, I was going through my own rough time, and following the words of my mother when I was growing up...when you have problems it's sometimes better to focus on other people's problems. You can discover yours might not be so bad. So I posted...and continue to post because I get something out of it. I feel good being able to help people. It helps to put my own problems into perspective sometimes. All of us that post on the Fears forum get something out of it...or we wouldn't bother to do it.
I know the repetitious threads by new people with the same questions get tiresome. We've seen it all and heard it all before. We've dealt with the same topics for hundreds of posters, hundreds of times. It's old hat. We get jaded.
However, for the new posters, this isn't old hat. This is new and scary. Yes, they could see the answers from a dozen different threads for the same exposure, but they feel they are the unlucky one...they are different. If we are honest with ourselves I think we'd all have to agree...we've felt that way at some point in our life.
I know that there are posters that no matter what is said to them will choose to continue to let their fear ruin their lives. They will continue to seek reassurance. Over and over and over again. No, it isn't our job to provide constant assurances. But I wonder sometimes if the 'tough love' is what they really need. They are at a point that they will allow their dignity to be minimized by putting up with insults in order to get any glimmer of hope. Personally it makes me uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to be treated that way...would you?
I know that some of the questions just scream of ignorance about this disease, but isn't that part of the reason the forum exists? Aren't we here to try and educate? To help clear up myths and misconceptions? To teach? I know that's one of my reasons for doing so...again, enlightment benefits me...so I'm getting something out of it.
I know the fears forum is a caldron of heady emotions. Energized with fearful souls. It will sap you. Your patience will wear thin. There are times I wear out on it. I find myself becoming snappy. I know it's time to take a break for a while. Rest up.
Sometimes we can help...and more people than you know...not everyone that reads these pages ever logs in...they quietly get through but can take comfort in our words...have their eyes opened...
Sometimes we can't help...it's beyond our realm...instead of verbally abusing, perhaps it's best to step back quietly and say no more. Sometimes silence is the best help we can offer.
I just think it might make for a more peaceful place if we all remember that sometime, for some reason, in our lives ....we've been that scared person with run away emotions.
We ask that we are heard and understood. We need to be mindful that people with a fear of this disease also need to be heard and understood.
Posted by aster1961 at May 23, 2005 11:26 AM
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