Subscribe to this blog's feedOkay. I'm supposed to use this first entry to describe myself a little and some of my background so that from here on in whenever you read anymore of this thing you have a good idea of where I'm coming from, but it's like the most awkward thing in the world.
I thought about it, though, and I decided the best possible way to do this is to just drop all the major bombs first and get them out of the way. That's how I handle this stuff when I have to talk about them with someone in real life, so I may as well do it here - so here we go:
a. I'm 17. I've been HIV+ since I was 14, so that's 3 years now.
b. I'm a transgender kid. FTM to be more specific. No, if you met me on the street you wouldn't be able to tell. Seriously. I've been on HRT for almost 5 months now, it's a pain in the ass (literally, they're intramuscular injections and your ass cheek is a pretty muscular place) and it's difficult for such a variety of reasons (physically/emotionally/mentally/financially, is the list I usually run off) that I can promise you it's not something I chose.
c. Also, I'm gay. I like the boys. The boys like me. You know how it goes.
I'm a gay, HIV+, 17 year old trannyboy. Be afraid, bitches.
All things considered though, I'm not that strange (I know, shut up). There are a few other things that are a bit different about me than most boys my age though. I don't go to a regular public highschool. I used to, but kids suck. I'm now homeschooled via a cyber school on the net - it's safer for me, I can work at my own pace, I don't have to stress over what the kids in my class are gonna do or say to me and I get to sleep in. Also, it's much more comfortable to do Brit Lit in your pajamas. Taking into consideration the amount of time I took off for not feeling well, because I was afraid of being harrassed and because my teachers gave me a hard time because of all of that, I was missing a lot of school, as well. I'm doing much better now. My geometry grade is crap (like a really low C at the time of writing this) but everything else is all As and high Bs.
I guess one of the things that bother me the most about being + at this age is the fact that a lot of people assume that it's okay to ask me 'how I got it'. You don't ask adults how they became positive, so why is it alright to ask me? Seriously guys. Most people assume that I was born with it, or I got it medically somehow, but I didn't. And if you think 14 year olds (and even younger, honestly) aren't having sex, I suggest you take a day trip to reality to get a better understanding of what's going on. They are, and I was, and a great deal of the stuff you'll probably hear me angrily rant about is how poorly kids are being taught about sex and HIV. I angrily rant a lot, though, you'll notice. :D
As far as the transguy thing goes, I am usually pretty outspoken about it. However, I reserve the right to live my life as comfortably and happily as possible, and that includes not informing everyone I know about the fact that I am trans. I want to just live my life as a normal guy. Unfortunately there is so much trans prejudice in the world that wanting to be treated like a normal guy and simultaneously telling everyone I'm trans just isn't possible. That is why not wanting to go public about my HIV status isn't the only reason why I will not be using my full name in this blog, and why I've chosen to use a baby picture instead of a recent picture of myself. That's just how it's gonna be, at least for now and until/if I decide I'm willing to risk the chance of everyone finding out about these things - which I'm not saying is never gonna happen, but for right now I think that'd be a pretty bad idea.
I'd like to use this space to not only talk about what's going on in my life, but to bring to the attention of whoever is reading some issues that normally go ignored that are personally relevant to me. You don't hear a lot of talk about issues specific to HIV and teenagers, or how trans people are affected by HIV, either. Those are topics that are important to me so I'll probably be bringing them up a lot. Not to bore you guys or anything, just because I think they deserve some attention.
Finally, I suppose, if by reading what I write here one teenager prevents himself or herself from getting HIV, or one trans person that is already HIV+ understands there are other people out there struggling with their issues, or someone who isn't affected by any of this stuff comes away with a better understanding - and maybe even has some of their opinions changed, I would be happy.
Also, I really like to talk, so that's appealing, too. I have a couple of friends that are going to tell me to just blog about it now whenever I start ranting.
- Jase
PS: WTF. I had this entry typed out in Notepad and went to paste it here and the formatting like threw up on me, so if anything looks weird I'm sorry. I know how to punctuate and crap, I swear, it's the blog's fault.
Jase
LOVE the first post. Welcome to the blog community. I'm a HIV neg guy but enjoy reading blogs on here. It keeps me in check and helps me understand what ya'll go through. Excuse the "ya'll" thats the south in me =) Looking forward to reading more......
Kyle
Congratulations Jaser!
Looking forward to the next installment.
Marc
Great first post Jase. I'll definitely be back. :)
There now is a blogger named Mouse
Who can blog and rant from his house
And to the delight of those in his "site"
His spirit is one you can't douse
Hi Jaser,
How nice it is to see your words and thouphts here. I trust you will enjoy this trip and writing your thoughts down for all to see. It is a very good experience and it really helps to keep things in perspective.
You just keep up the good work and if you have any problems in geometry, please feel free to ask. If I don't know the answers, well, we can work it out together.
Love,
Tim.
Jase,
I am + for over 25 years and still going strong. Could be your great grandfather now and I can feel for you being so young and having to deal with this issue that affects your life on a daily basis.
I hope you are strong enough to keep going and doing the things you love and desire.
I wish you well and will continue reading your blog.
God bless....
"V"
Jase,
Well I am glad to hear you found a way to make the best of your situation. I have been HIV/AIDS for 25 yrs now!!! I know how I got it! I got it from being young & dumb. I still have many folks whom I know who say not me! Well thats what I thought, And as you now know I got it and well yes me and anyone else whom does not know about the risk or ignors them.
The part that makes me mad is that people do not know about the facts. Like how they can get it or not get it. I can say I have never given it to anyone and do not intend to. I get alot of runaway folks when I tell them I got it. I have people tell me they can not date me cause I am going to die. LOL! so are we all!
Well yes I am gay and I have to say I wish more younger folks were like you
Hang in there I am here to say you can last a long time.
Your picture -- adorable!
Jon -
I was 2 years old and channeling Elton John even from that age. ;D
Hey dude,
Some of us have more to contend with than the rest of the world...I certainly have my share. Remember that you are not alone. Many people, str8 or GLBT, have enormous issues of all sorts. God, the things I have seen! Don't ever think you are in a world where everyone conforms nicely and you stand out as the exception. If the skeletons all fell out of the closet at the same time the nation would be in gridlock for a generation.
The key, I think, is to understand that your personal issues don't make you more or less than anyone else. It is something that just 'is' or a combination of things that just 'are'. If others have a prob with what goes on in your life, it's their prob, not yours.
I have been poz a few years now, on aptriva and it's predecessors for four years. I have good days and bad days (mostly lethargy and some odd side effects from the meds) but, also, I have a personal and professional plan and that keeps things on track.
Working out, staying in very good physical condition, is extremely important. It is the secret to maintaining a normal lifestyle. By that, I mean being poz is more a matter of maintaining a fitness regimen, treatment regimen and dealing with the incumbant responsibility on a sexual level than actually suffering physically from the disease or its treatment.
Much as a diabetic doesn't need to broadcast their condition to the world, others don't really need to know you are HIV+. It's just not their business and it is your choice whether to inform any one individal or not. If they do need to know and they react in a way that channels rejection of some sort, it's a shame but, again, it's their prob.
How you got it is unimportant. That you are is important (to you) and it is important to know it is not a debilitating condition but, rather, one that simply requires a physical and medical maintenance program. Knowing that, the 'stigma' or whatever is really a mental phantom of others. There are practical matters surrounding being poz, and our government disgusts me in most of the ways they react to things in their control, but there is little we can do about these things.
Personally, I simply don't accept baggage others may want to inflict, never have, it never entered my mind that I should. Consequently, it's almost a non-issue. Being poz has had less effect on my life than other major-league matters that come up. And I certainly don't live day-to-day, I live large!
Hi Mr
I am just inspired by your maturity. Your blog was good to read and had a wonderful message - way to go.
Morne
What a comentary and at age 17. My faith is strengthend in our next generation.
Most days I am so angry I could explode.
Have fun,
Marco
The 20+ club.
Jase,
Your first entry really caught my attention.
I am executive director of TransYouth Family Advocates, Inc. and I would love to talk with you. Our organization advocates and educates with and for trans and gender variant children and youth.
My trans son is 15 and does online school as well. He also travels all over the US educating folks about trans youth issues. It would be great if we could talk by phone and/or meet in person.
Take a look at our website and see what you think about the work we do and give me a call if you like what you see please. The toll free number is right there on the site. It is a message service and I get an email when you leave a message and then I'll call you back.
Namaste,
Kim Pearson
Executive Director
TransYouth Family Advocates, Inc.
www.imatyfa.org
kimp@imatyfa.org
Great blog. You are so inspiring. Have been pos for two years. Takes getting use to. Keep that attitude, you are so refreshing.
Love
Larry
You know I love you. I think your blog is great. Good Luck with the move and try not to let things frustrate you...
Being a guy born with a girl-type body must suck.
Being HIV+ must also suck.
Neither are curable yet, but in both cases we can get rid of most of the symptoms, thank goodness.
By the time you're my age (old enough to be your mother) we might be able to do far more about both, and extend quality lifespan to well beyond 100 too.
You're not alone - see http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2006/01/male-view.html - and there's potloads of help available now. Glad you got on hormones early, it makes a big difference. Please accept best wishes from the other side of the planet, and I can give helpful URLs too.
being POZ should not stop u from having sex, always were a condom an all G