I've got this fear in me that New York City is slowly wearing away my buddhist sensibilities. There was a time in my life when I thought it was humility. And it is - humility is a trait to be respected and developed. No one likes an dickhead.
But you know what? Being a thick slice of humble pie is sort of an easy out - and if it's not reflecting reality, I mean, if you're so humble that you shy away from talking about yourself, what are you but a liar? Oh yeah, that's a complicated little thing to try and unravel in your brain.
Monks up in the mountains have it easy. Yeah, I said it. In the mountains you can wake and pray and sweep and meditate and grow flowers and live a life of true and natural humility. But humility only goes so far in the big city. Cause here, attention is the ring round everything.
You can define attention many different ways - attention given to others, attention given to oneself - and I wish I were defining attention in one of those ways, cause as I write them, they sound so freakin noble, and I SO want to be a noble person - but I'm actually talking the ability to make sure oneself gets the appropriate amount of attention FROM others - and that doesn't sound noble at all.
It sounds like pride. But my sister Claudia will tell you (in fact, she'll just love this entry I'm sure of it): There's a difference between shoving yourself down other peoples throats versus simply allowing yourself to be recognized for what you do. There's a difference between "Pride" and "Self Promotion".
It would be a lie to describe myself as anything but an HIV positive, young writer who looks at adversity and grins - who sits down with his demons once a week, just to check in with them - who keeps a level head, in the most dire of situations - and who works his black ass off. Don't you wanna buy me? Yeah, you gotta sell that shit!
So that's how I'm living my life today. Some simple rules to get me through the beginning of December: Attention is the ring round everything; Gossip is the holy light of the universe. And Self Promotion should be everyones gospel.
On that note: you should come to my play. It's gay and black, spiritual and heady, funny and tragic, the actors are handsome and the director is smart. Info below: see you in the spotlight.
Age of Grace by Jesse Cameron Alick
12/10 - 8pm
12/11 - 8pm
12/12 - 8pm
12/13 - 8pm
12/14 - 3pm
12/16 - 8pm
12/18 - 8pm
12/19 - 8pm
78th Street Theater Lab: 236 W. 78th St between Broadway & Amsterdam
Call 212 613 3120 to reserve a seat
Tickets are FREE!
In 1977 Anna and Aaron meet and form a bond so beautiful, even the angels in heaven are filled with envy. In the present, Abe has a mental breakdown and upon returning to the shores of sanity, is filled with mistrust of his religion, his place in history and his own sexuality. Determined to find the loophole that connects the events in the present with the past, Abe goes on a journey to find a lost love, though God himself may stand in the way...Mixing the Old Testament with a splash of reincarnation, THE AGE OF GRACE shows the connection between past and present, while exploring the enduring nature of unconditional love.