Subscribe to this blog's feedOk, so much for any surprise, I guess the title says it all. Stephen and I are getting married. We have been talking about doing this since the laws in Ontario, Canada were changed, but nothing really came of it. Even when cities in California, Massachusetts and Washington were performing marriages, we just couldn't warm to the idea. Yes we want to get married, but not amid so much controversy. We want our marriage to have significance, but for all the right reasons, not as either a social or political statement.
Unfortunately, the events of the past couple of years, have caused us both great concern and we are exploring options on where else to live, if we decide to leave the States. I have a connection, by birth to Canada, so I told Stephen that I wanted to marry him, he said yes and so off we go to Toronto, to be married during the Christmas Holidays. I am going to get married... to my man!
It will be a somewhat bittersweet trip for me as I was born in Toronto, but then orphaned, adopted and finally moved to Detroit, when I was five years old. Having lived in such close proximity to the city, I visited Toronto often, but I feel that somehow I am coming full circle by experiencing the greatest event in my life, in the city of my birth. I am also seeking to regain my Canadian citizenship and if successful, Stephen will become a Canadian citizen by marriage. Canadian citizenship would also give us access to other countries such as the U.K. and Australia. It pains me greatly to consider leaving America, but events of late require that we keep our options open.
So why is our marriage going to be so important? There are many reasons that it could be viewed as paramount. To send a message to President Bush, that my partner and I are not viewed as 2nd class citizens by many countries of the world. To show the religious right (which is neither) that the quality of a marriage, derives from the caliber of the character of the participants, and has nothing to do with their sex. Or to take advantage of this opportunity to marry, as a grateful acknowledgement to those, who worked so hard to make equal marriage rights a reality. Maybe to further affirm the fact that Stephen and I are no different, and no less deserving of recognition, than any other loving couple. Or to pledge our love for each other and have it not only recognized, but also even sanctioned by the Ontario and Canadian government.
How sad that we must travel to our neighboring country of Canada, to have our union recognized and sanctioned by a freely elected government. How painful to be denied this basic right of equal marriage, by our own government. How disgusting to be discriminated against, based solely on our sexuality.
Unfortunately, our Canadian marriage will have no basis on our relationship to each other legally, in the U.S. We were forced to deal with those concerns years ago, through an attorney and we revisit the issue every couple of years, to keep up with changing laws and requirements. Funny thing in Florida, only your next-of-kin can visit you in the hospital or get your remains when you die. The only way I can insure that Stephen will have control over my demise, if required, is through various legal documents. I even had to will my body to him, so he can fulfill my final wishes. We do all of this because our own government views us as unworthy of equal marriage rights. It refuses to grant us the same 1,428 rights that married straight people receive, and by doing so they reduce us to second-class citizens, as we have less rights than our fellow straight Americans.
It saddens me when I am confronted with such intolerance. I'm disappointed that the president of my own country wants to enshrine discrimination against Stephen and I, in the Constitution, based solely on our sex and choice of a partner. I am being discriminated against for simply being gay. Being denied rights based on my sexuality, which for me is something that could no easier be altered, than the color of my eyes. The U.S. government denies gays, what I view as a basic human right, the right to marry the person of your choosing.
But no matter how frustrated I am with the lack of equal marriage rights in the states, our marriage will also let me show the world and reaffirm to myself, that I am worthy of those things that are truly important. I'll be able to reach out and grab that ring of matrimony as I ride the carousel of life. For once, even my HIV will be unable to diminish my life, and during that brief respite, I can just revel in the moment. Nothing can tarnish our marriage, for nothing will diminish the love that Stephen and I share. We don't need anyone to validate our love for each other, but the recognition of that love will be fulfilling. A little acceptance can go a very long way and meaningful recognition can sometimes come from the most unlikely of sources.
Yet, why our marriage is so important, comes down to something that is much more personal. I am not getting married to make a social or political statement. No, my marriage, will allow me to fulfill a life-long dream: to publicly commit myself to my chosen mate. It gives me the opportunity to express my love for Stephen and pledge myself to him and for us to be recognized, solely on the basis of that love.
I'll be able to speak some of the most powerful words, that I will ever say, to the one man that I long to hear them. I will pledge both my heart and soul to Stephen and know that they will be held close and cherished. To share that special bond with that special someone. To know that Stephen and I will love and keep each other, for all of the today's, tomorrows and forever's.
To marry the man who makes my heart smile, that is why our marriage will remain forever special.