December 2004 Archives

We went to a late evening service at the Sunshine Cathedral on Christmas Eve at the Broward Center. It was one of those lavish spectacle type of services as the church is a mix of Catholic and Metropolitan Community Church and is very uplifting and accepting of all people. So it is never a surprise that it attracts the majority of the religious gays in the Fort Lauderdale area. Every facet of the gay community was represented but one family especially caught my eye.

They just happened to sit in front of us and there were two young boys, about 5 and 8 years old and a teenage girl somewhere around 14 years old. Their foster parents, who happened to be a gay couple in their thirties, accompanied them. The reason I guessed they were a foster family is really two-fold. First, the kids were black and the couple was white; so there was probably no biological connection and second, gay couples cannot adopt children in the state of Florida. So here was a 21st century blended foster family.

Yet, as I watched them, I saw nothing blended about them, I only saw a family. The littlest guy was pooped and he slept through the whole service, soundly on a fathers shoulder. They would trade him back and forth but the contentment never left his face. He was secure and at peace with his two dads. His brother was soundly asleep in one of the seats and they propped him up with a couple of coats and let him be. The girl was chattering away, laughing and acting like any typical teenage girl, with her cell phone attached. It was obvious that they were a very happy group of people.

At communion, they all went up, carrying the boys and received it together and had a group blessing. It was a beautiful thing to witness, simple and pure love shared amongst a family. But it was also a very sad thing to witness, because I knew that they could never be a true "legal" family through adoption, as gays are forbidden from adopting children in the state of Florida.

Here was a close-knit family that obviously works to the betterment of all the members. They have chosen to face the world together, with the entire stigma attached to their circumstances, yet their family continues to prosper. Obviously they are good for each other and are all thriving, but my state won't allow the couple to adopt their family, just because they happen to be gay and for no other reason. Whatever benefits these men bring to this family are negated simply because of their sexuality and nothing more. Everything that they have to offer is cast aside through simple discrimination. The children will forever remain under threat of being removed, from these caring men, because of discrimination. Everyone seems to know that it is wrong, yet nobody does anything about it and so 5,000 of these foster families, who reside in the state of Florida live under the fear of their family being dissolved at any time.

I just don't understand.

It's 6 a.m. on Christmas Eve and I can't sleep because I am just too excited. The excitement is so palpable that I can almost touch it. I know part of it is because we leave for Toronto the day after Christmas, so there are all those last minute preparations that you always make before a trip. But this excitement is more than anticipation about the trip. It's not even so much about pre-wedding jitters, because I don't seem to have any of those either. No, this excitement centers on the fact that I get to leave the world of HIV behind, if only for a while.

I'm going to a world-class city; to marry the man who makes my heart smile and all I feel is the positive energy that flows through my being. I'm going to be amongst a citizenry that supports equal rights for all people and they are going to share those rights with Stephen and I. I have already made the plans for the license and the ceremony and have been treated just like any other soon-to-be newly wed couple. What a liberating feeling to be accepted for who and what I am. And there is nothing that my HIV can do to change either that acceptance or that feeling.

We are going to enjoy all that Toronto offers, including the chance to marry. We are going to affirm all that is right in our lives and to share that affirmation with the world. We will be concentrating on us and for once, the rest of our troubles will fade into the background. Yes, we will take the meds and all the elixirs for our ailments with us, but their existence will be out of necessity and nothing more. For a period of time, we will be newly-weds and revel in our love for each other. It has been a very long time since I have been able to leave my HIV behind, but this will be one of those rare times and that makes this a very special time in my life.

I'll try and post an entry about the wedding, but I make no promises, so you may just have to wait until mid-January to hear all the glorious details. Suffice it to say, that our marriage would not be as exciting without the thought of all of you attending, even if just in spirit. Your support and encouragement has been so appreciated and I wish each and everyone the happiest of holiday seasons. And on New Year's Eve, let us all offer a toast to remember those who have passed and to honor our friends, family and partners.

See you all next year... Joe

I never understood what a "compassionate conservative" was, I just knew they were somewhat misguided in their thoughts and beliefs. How misguided they are however has become painfully clear, by reading the congressional staff analysis of their "abstinence only" sex education programs. The congressional staff analysis looked at more than a dozen popular projects aimed at preventing teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. But based on the results of that analysis, the programs should be called sex, lies and religious dogma.

Among the gems gleamed from these programs are the following:

-- Touching a person's genitals can result in pregnancy.

-- Abortion can lead to sterility and suicide.

-- HIV can be spread via sweat and tears.

-- Half of the gay male teen-agers in the US have tested positive for HIV.

-- Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.

Unfortunately most of these statements directly contradict known science or data, or simply state unproven statements or religious dogma, and can be refuted as follows:

-- You cannot become pregnant by touching a person's genitals.

-- According to a 2001 edition of a standard obstetrics textbook, fertility is not affected by elective abortion.

-- HIV cannot be spread via sweat and tears.

-- It is unknown how many gay teen-agers in the US are HIV-positive.

-- Condoms, used properly and consistently, fail less than 3 percent of the time.

Congress first allocated money for abstinence-only programs in 1999, setting aside $80 million in grants, which go to a variety of religious, civic and medical organizations. To be eligible, groups must limit discussion of contraception to failure rates. So how much is this false or misleading information costing us? To date over $750 million dollars have been spent on these programs, with another $168 million slated for 2005.

I don't know about you but I am absolutely furious that this administration is so shameless as to mix religion and science, with the religious dogma, occluding the scientific facts. How many unnecessary pregnancies or STD or HIV infections must our young people suffer, until these religious zealots pull their heads out of the sand?

Here we are in the 21st Century and our president and Republican controlled Congress are promoting the use of shame-based, fear-based, medically inaccurate messages, all being disseminated with tax money. Forget the fact that sexually curious kids and young adults face situations where they have to have factual information to make informed decisions. In fact, the proponents of this "abstinence until marriage" approach say that teaching young people about "safer sex" is an invitation to have sex.

But wait; here is where that pesky old science again rears its head and refutes their lies. During these past 4 years, nonpartisan researchers have been unable to document any measurable benefits of this abstinence-only model. Or that while teen-agers who take "virginity pledges" may wait longer to initiate sexual activity, 88 percent eventually will have premarital sex. Or that according to the latest CDC data, 61 percent of graduating high school seniors has had sex.

So I would suppose that the proponents of this abstinence only approach are looking to punish those young adults who engage in premarital sex. Why else would they condone lying to them and giving them false information? Many will say that premarital sex is prohibited by religious teachings, but when has that ever stopped humans from acting like humans? The next thing they will try to get us to believe is that no Republican has ever had an abortion or committed adultery, both of which are forbidden fruit according to religious teachings. Amazing how that selective enforcement of religious dogma works, when you are trying to win votes.

I further expect that as the pregnancy and STD/HIV infection rates continue to increase, these saints in Washington will then attempt to deny these same young people services, because they could have avoided their situations by simply abstaining from sex. They will conveniently forget the fact that they, as their leaders and teachers, neglected to tell them the truth about how to protect themselves. I can hear it now: "You wouldn't be in this mess if you had listened to our lies and dogma, but instead you did what comes naturally to human beings, shame on you." What a wonderful legacy to leave our children.

I implore all readers to contact your city, state and federal representatives and demand that the use of these programs and materials be discontinued immediately, until they are willing to present scientific knowledge as fact and remove the religious dogma. My hope is that someone will have the resources to force this issue up to the U.S. Supreme Court, because if there was ever a case of separation of religion and government being required, this surely is it.

It is one thing when you lie to an adult, as we have the capacity to scrutinize and decide for ourselves what is correct and factual. It is quite another to lie to our children through their school programs and attempt to pass off religious dogma as anything but dogma. Mr. Bush, you and the Republican controlled Congress should be ashamed of yourselves!

(Parts of this entry were excerpted from a Washington Post story written by Ceci Connolly)