Joe's POZ Blog

I'm sorry it took me some time to recover, because I just could not wait to share my vacation and wedding day with everyone. It proved to be everything that I wanted and more than I expected. I can't describe the bond that forms when you wed another, but the word intense is a vast understatement. To be loved solely by another, for whom and what you are, well, life just doesn't get any better than that. So join me on a short tour.

Our vacation began as we touched down at Pearson International Airport with a foot of snow on the ground. Stephen was in heaven as he had not seen snow for over a decade and he just loves the cold weather. Our surprise started as we were processed through Canadian Customs. When we told the officer why we were in Toronto he just light up and beamed with congratulations for our pending nuptials. Not at all the reception we expected, but how wonderful to be greeted in such a fashion. Something told me that we were definitely not in Kansas anymore.

Unfortunately, neither of us was prepared for the 16-degree weather that awaited us outside. We were fine until we left our hotel, later that afternoon. We had just left 78-degrees at home and here we were in temperatures that were 62-degrees below our normal winter at home. It was so cold that the wind just bit at your skin and raked your flesh. But as always, we were prepared for the worst and so we wandered the city looking like a couple of leather-clad Eskimos.

Toronto is a beautiful and vibrant city, even in winter. Sitting on the northern bank of Lake Ontario, she gracefully spreads in all directions and seems at the same time a large city, yet very quaint and inviting. They had an incredible ice-carving contest downtown and the artistry of these carvers was incredible. The city teamed with people of all races and there seemed to be electricity in the air. As we wandered we marveled at the architecture and how they had juxtaposed the new with the old. We started our walk on Yonge Street, going south to the financial district and then turned north on Church Street to finish in the gay village. It was a wonderful first day, one of many that would soon follow.

We spent part of one day getting our marriage license and that proved to be a really mundane experience. We were both delighted and somewhat stunned by the "non-event" of our marriage license. We were treated just like any other couple, soon to be married. While we often felt like pariahs in the States, here we were viewed as simply other members of society. What an incredible feeling to be accepted as just normal. I guess I underestimated how meaningful acceptance can be.

Finally the day arrives: New Year's Eve. We dress in our matching tuxes, with Stephen having deep blue/black accents, to match his contacts and mine being gray/black to compliment my salt'n'pepper hair... talk about a couple of queens. We throw on our matching overcoats and off we go. Once on the street, we hail a cab, for our first stop at the florist. Buttoners in hand we make our way downtown to the New City Hall. We proceed to the 3rd floor and the wedding chapel. The wedding chapel is very plain, yet somehow very appealing and there are no religious symbols of any kind displayed. It provides a very safe and inviting place to get married and the floor to ceiling windows were just sparkling with the sunshine illuminating the city displayed behind them.

We meet our minister and sign our paperwork and the ceremony begins. Being anal retentive, I had planned our ceremony out, including writing our vows. Well my mind just left me and I had to be directed throughout the service. But my heart was in full force when I spoke those vows to Stephen. Even as my voice cracked and the tears streamed down my face, I got to say the words that I longed to say, to the man who makes my heart smile. A simple exchange of our rings completed the ceremony and we were married. A tender kiss to seal the wedding and needless to say, my feet never touched the ground for the rest of the day.

We spent the rest of our day just wandering until our wedding dinner that evening. But I have to tell you that Toronto and her citizens were incredibly accepting of our wedding bliss and us. Wherever we went, people would comment on our dress and when we shared the fact that we had just gotten married, they would just bubble with congratulations. It seemed that the city was just waiting to embrace us on our special day.

Evening comes and we enjoy a wonderful dinner in the village. Again, as soon as the waiter knew of our wedding, he offered free drinks as a tribute to our day. And again, we just sat back and drank it all in, for the taste was just so sweet. We finished our dinner and returned to our room for "pill time". After relaxing for a while we decide to go find something to do to celebrate both our wedding and the New Year. We decided to alter our dress and ditched the tux coat and pant and instead wore leather jeans and boots with our tux shirts, ties and vests. Coupled with our matching overcoats and buttoners we certainly created a look. We just were not prepared for the reactions that look would receive.

You would have thought that nobody in the gay village had ever seen two guys in leather and lace. We got more looks and stares and comments during the evening and we were just reveling in all the attention. In fact, at one point a group approaches us and one of the guys says, "You look like you just got married", to which we replied that we had. He then grabbed each of us, hugged us, gave us a kiss and congratulated us, and all of this from a perfect stranger. This treatment continued throughout the evening and the evening was quickly approaching the surreal.

But I must admit that it felt good to be the belles of the ball. We were in Toronto, far from home on our wedding day, knew nobody, yet we were being embraced by everyone. Like I said, what an incredible city and the citizens showed themselves to be extremely warm and caring. They both provided for us the perfect backdrop for our wedding and New Year celebration and an unforgettable holiday season. Life just did not get any better than this day and the beautiful memories will last a lifetime.

I share this experience because I want to, but more importantly to show that life does go on with HIV and if you try hard enough, it can surpass even your wildest expectations. As I had hoped, I was able to leave my virus back in the room and just revel in our day. And a very unexpected surprise was how the city seemed to embrace us on our special day and throughout our vacation. It seems that many times in life, you can generate your own good feelings and have them returned by others, even perfect strangers.

My only regret is that none of you could attend, but you were all in my thoughts. And being that this is a new year, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you, my family at AIDSMEDS. Words fail me in expressing how much you all mean to me and how you enrich my life. You will never know how much you all have touched me and how grateful I am for each and every one of you. Your unwavering support and acceptance of our marriage has been extremely gratifying and helped to make these past two weeks some of the best times of my life.

Amazing how a virus can provide the cement to bind such a divergent group of people and produce such a nurturing environment. Never let it be said that nothing good ever came from HIV. We are fortunate for all that we share and the community that we have built. Thanks for contributing to and sharing my perfect day. Joe