Subscribe to this blog's feedBreathe in, breathe out. Easy enough, most of the time.
Forgive my indulgence, I really wanted to give a heads up to where I have been since, well, forever.
Woke up the other night unable to do those things. Ended up at the doctor's office for an emergency visit. Did you know that you could have two different kinds of pneumonia at the same time? I didn't. So I was put on three different, potent antibiotics. Including a sulfa drug, Bactrim, To which, apparently, I am allergic at high doses.
A weekend of projectile vomiting and a glorious red rash and a fever that was positively Elizabethan in scope, and I was back at the clinic. God/dess love my friends who take days off from work too take me there.
Five hours later, and an IV of steroids and saline, I was good to go home. New drugs, and a notation on the chart not to try and kill me anymore. Also got a new doctor! She seems terrific. She's British, and I have an affinity for the Brits and their tin-of-craxkers mentality. She's older, female, yet unperturbed when I mention things like erectile function (which I do not have) and enlarged prostates, (which I do). She is also a dwarf, which is cool. Means she understands stigms and adversity, and is undaunted by both.
So once again, I stagger tot he doctor, flames shooting out of my ears, and get the fire more or less put out. I know, I know, ounce of prevention and all that. Fortunately, I was placed on Presista, Truvada, and nasty Norvir to boost. And I promise to give this a try. Not the old college try, mind you, because we all know I skipped most of my morning classes. But the sort of effort that combats having ten T Cells and a viral load well over two and a half million.
Pneumonia is an odd duck. Is can sneak up on a person, make one irritable, isolating, depressed, frustrated. Makes a person wonder if this is as good as it gets, and if the slide is irreversible. Not the best way to face the future. But with these new drugs in my system, I do feel better. Not bouncing off the walls better, but at least walking to the kitchen without barking like a dog better. I am on a diet of rice, yogurt, fiber drinks, chalky nutritional drinks, and jello for a while.
But at this point? It tastes like lobster.
Oh sweetie, you make it all sound bearable...missed your funny comments and glad to hear you are still kicking and writing...All the best...
This morning, the first since trying my new combination of meds, I wanted ( or needed ) to know how other people got through this. How does anyone feel alive while their body keeps failing on them.
I haven't been very good at taking my meds before, frankly because they make me feel like roadkill. And believe me I've been on most every combination there is....and I take them just enough to grow immune to them. Now I'm taking liquid Kaletra (along with a pile of other pills) which in my opinion is more hideous than anyone healthy could possibly imagine.
Through the years I've had pneumonia, Mrsa, yeast infections, horrible peeling skin rashes where my skin falls off in sheets, and cmv-retinitis. The retinitis is returning and I cringe at the thought of not being able to see. After eveything I've been trough the only things that keeps me going are my partner, my friends, my cats, and the illusion that it will all be okay someday.
I too have lost alot of friends to AIDS. I watched them shrivel up and eventually pass away, too weak to understand who is around them and how much they care.
Now with the horror of possibly having to go through all this hell without sight...not seeing my partners face, not being able to read or to doddle in my garden,or even cook for myself, I am terrified again.
Reading your blog which I found this morning while looking for others who know the humility of suffering through Kaletra and its absolutely horrid taste and side effects I found some peace. While your words don't help with the effects or the taste you give me hope to keep trying as each new medication comes out. Praying that someday the miracle drug will arrive.
I'm not overly religious....I don't even know if I believe in God anymore (could a God allow this kind of suffering) But I will pray for you, your mother, your ferrets. And myself, to someday be the man I used to be. Thank you for your blog Jonathan.
I have read your blog a few times and felt compelled to invite you to my site. Please if you have a chance check it out..
www.poziam.com
In hopes of inspiring,
Robert Breining
dear jp i read ur blog entry i felt verey disdained about ur plight ur white tongue low fever and failing eye sight exterme fatigue probably r cause caused by liver weakeness and skin rashes by weak kidneys including weak spleen first course is zamun vinegar morning evening to bump off fever that is ruining internal organs fresh green juices to cleanse ur body regular walking exercise for 3hours a day minimum prayers to almighty every night to reduce pains yougurt and bread diet only no hot tea or colas or alcohol or meat see how god will make u come back to health