Days of the Dead

This weekend exists out of time and space for me. Whatever I am going through, Halloween is a great opportunity to step outside of myself and be someone else. In pagan ritual, this was meant to confuse the dead.

Sometimes I think I do this for the same reasons, today.

Just finished carving my Jack O'Lantern out of a pumpkin Adam brought from the zoo. Adam and i were going to hang out tonight, while I finished my Captain Kirk costume (need to cut the boots and dye the strings on the sweats). But he was tired, and bummed. I was sorta hoping to be a cheerleader of sorts tonight, give him some distraction (food and TV) that might make him think about something else besides the death of one of his beloved elephants. Dottie, the pregnant elephant, died sometime Monday night. Her calf, almost fully formed, could not be brought to life. Lungs.

As far as I know, this is the worst zoo-related thing that's happened to Adam, and frankly, I have been worried about him. But he is doing the best he can, and tonight that means sleeping. Which is cool. We will hang out Sunday. And I will make us a Halloween then :).

Richard is at a meeting tonight, which I hope ends soon. He will need loads of sleep if we are to fulfill our dream of the Best. Halloween. Ever. He is in the midst of a job transition, and has not given loads of thought to the weekend or his costume. I am hoping he goes for Scary Scarecrow though. A burlap bag for a head can be a real spooky thing. Though he could easily go for a cute scarecrow thing. His call, and I have decided not to make a eal of it until tomorrow.

The pumpkin is carved,a nd I am auditioning the candle. It's terrific. Basic, three triangles for eyes and nose, The trick is, to keep it all looking hastily carved, as though a serial killer made a clumsy attempt at a traditional happy face, and it ended up all sinister. Backstory. Very important.

Going to bed early tonight, after a long day of errands for the Halloween and waiting for my meds at the doctors. The pharmacy there always takes forever, even when I call it in. Good news is, after only three months of treatment, my counts are looking fantastic. 200 CD4 cells and a viral load of 180, last time I checked. In august, it was 10 cd4 cells and a viral load of over 2.5 million, plus being in the hospital for pneumonia. What a difference a tiny bit of time (and a complete CCR5 mutation) makes!

So the Jack O Lantern is glowing in the corner. One of my best friends is sleeping, with his dogs and his grief and his (unfounded) guilt. Another friend is dueling with a stressful job and a sleep deprivation that always costs him on the weekends. And me? I am waiting for my life to begin, with a pumpkin in the corner.

It's all fits and starts. Moments of great clarity, interrupted by great expanses of not knowing.

My back hurts from working out this week.

Tomorrow the dead are supposed to walk the earth. And though I would gleefully chop up a zombie, I still miss my Dad.

I hope he recognizes me, even as a hobbit. Especially even.