Lisa's POZ Blog

.....or there about, I was a single working mom with three children entering kindergarten.

I had been divorced for two years from a man who had brutally beaten me on an almost daily basis for nearly five years. Despite the divorce, I was looking over my shoulder constantly, and still carry residual baggage from that time.

I was working at a long term care facility, as charge nurse. I met a man(Barney) who I thought was interesting, educated, witty, and charming. I allowed him to move into my home after 3, or 4 months, and we embarked on what I thought was a monogamous relationship.

We lived together for nearly a year, and it was only after he was gone, that the full impact of the damage done was realized by me. He was boisterous, very social, and flirty.
What I didn't know until too late, was that he had been seeing boys on the side, and to top it all off, he had been terrorrizing my children.

Not long after he left my home, I received a phone call from a man who identified himself as a doctor,and he was asking me to come to the hospital room # _ _ _ _.
When I arrived at the hospital, the physician identified himself, and apologized for sounding so serious on the phone. He went on to tell me that he was treating a patient who had news to tell me. He ushered me into the hospital room, and low, there was ol' Barney. Barney was being forced to tell me that he was HIV positive, and that he had also likely passed Herpes to me too. He tearfully confessed to all of the side affairs, and how sorry he was that he had never made any attempt to be truthful with me from the start. He had known about his HIV before we ever started our relationship, and had never balked at the discussion we had about discontinuing the use of prophylactics during our relationship.

I knew about HIV, I had done some reading, even if it wasn't applicable to my current work situation, I have always tried to keep abreast of medical news. Looking back now, I still kind of amaze myself at how well I took this news.

So there I was. Twenty eight years old, with three 5 yr. olds, and a home to maintain. There wasn't a whole lot known yet about either of these afflictions, and I felt just fine.

I chose to do some reading, pray for the best, and hurry get busy to ensure my children's unknown future. I threw myself into my work. As I look back now, I am able to define when I went through seroconversion, even if I didn't know what it was at the time. It really is true what they say about hindsight. 20/20.

When the kids all got chickenpox, I got a case of shingles. I have had periodic outbreaks from Herpes, but never anything too horrible. I will say one thing about it though........ You have no idea how hard it is to maintain your professional composure on the job, while you are terribly distracted by the overwhelming urge to get to a bathroom in order to scratch the endless itchy that comes with a genital outbreak. WHEW!!!! I remember taking alcohol pads to the bathroom with me, and rubbing the damn thing raw, just to keep it from itching so bad. Burning puddy anyone? ........The lesser of two evils, I suppose.

I rarely have outbreaks these days, as I have learned to try and not get too emotionally bent out of shape. That was always a major trigger for me. I went through a special kind of hell while my kids were in their teens..........and I still intend to make them pay.....

Stay tuned.......tomorrow...more of the story.