Lisa's POZ Blog

I have wanted to come here over the last couple or so weeks for so many reasons
This is probably going to be difficult to read, as I have been a bit off lately. I am not able to think about form, substance, etc....as.......... My brain has apparently scrambled, in a moment of time.

As I sit here this evening, I am having to work really hard to stay focused on this task.
I have related the story about my ill fated drug interruption. I will reiterate the salient facts.
I had a singular moment of my disease history, that would allow me the postulated chance of a gamble to stop taking these meds.

I'll be honest with you. I was really hoping to lose some of this truncal weight. I don't have a spare tire,........I have something more befitting a tractor pull event.
If they stood up all pretty-n-all, I'd be positively tickled to have the bra size that I do, but that is not the case here.
Frankly, they make me terribly uncomfortable.

I took my last dose of Viramune, on Nov.30.
I became incredibly ill in the first weekend in Dec. a temp of 103F. Suffice it to say, that I remained ill until the second week of Jan.'06' I called my ID clinic,( Dec 8th) and was reassured that it just had to be the flu.
I really believed that it was a severe viral rebound, but was poo-poohed by the clinic. No appointment was made.
Saw Rachel for my routine visit on Jan. 14, and sternly admonished me for having come off the meds, without the call I was supposed to make to her in consultation, before embarking on the STI.(StructuredTreatmentInterruption)
Long story short, I went off half cocked, and stopped without the knowledge that my numbers had fallen right back to their original. unwavering, CD4 500-600, VL undetectable.
{ I must interject here, that my lab values have consistently been the same, for 4+ years)

On tuesday morning I had a routine visit with Rachel. I was finally able to find out what amount of raping, and pillaging had been done to my system for the six week duration of my "break".
January's lab values were a little worse than I had anticipated......(to say the least)
CD4 dropped to 400, and I had already managed to replicate 72,000 copies of VL./whatever standard expression.

I've been back on my usual meds since the January visit, and will learn of the results on Monday, or Tuesday.(Trizivir/Viramune)
I remember the accident on Jan.4rth, and my visit with Rachel on the 14th, but have only vague remembrances of January, other than Serenity's birthday, and mine on the 12th. I couldn't tell you what I did, or not.
My dining room table is rebundant with official things I should be tending to, but I have had the attention span of a gnat since the first of the year. I have piled them in interesting loose bundles on the table, in order to be able to continually view them at a glance, so I don't miss something I should do.

I have been reading, and "lurking" in the forums over the last few weeks, and have felt absolutely deficient in any capacity to contribute. Even as I have been greatly moved by many threads.
My thoughts have been hurky-jerky, and I could never dare to sound off balance, to some of our newer members, I could see that it might be frightening to some.

I had a whole list of things I wanted to express with this jubilant opportunity that I was granted by our benevolent benefactors Tim,Peter,Andy,Howard,and our beloved Annn.
I am very slowly regaining my cognitive, and theoretical thought processes, so I ask you to bear with me for a period of time.

My brain is not firing on all cylinders of late, but I do have so many things I want to share with you.
Hang with me, It'll come in time.