Lisa's POZ Blog

Well, tomorrow will be my two (2) year anniversary. Again, I thought it would be monumental, but in truth, it just isn’t. I’m more excited about watching Survivor tomorrow night then I am about having lived with this virus for the past two years.

It’s just another day and no one will care or know so what real difference will it make in my life? None really.

Turns out for me at least, it is manageable and for the time being not very consequential, I know that I am VERY lucky to have good health, good numbers and be what my doctors refer to as being a “long term slow progressor.” I know there are others who don’t have it as good as I do. I am truly fortunate.

Well, two years down and with any luck, another 60+ or so to go.

So, at 7:46am on February 21, 2008 I’ll say a little thanks to the HIV Gods and enjoy my Venti White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks in celebration of another year down.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope that 2008 brings lots of joy, happiness and good health to you and yours.

I haven’t blogged in a while, mostly due to the fact that I was receiving some pretty “nasty comments” from people who were attacking my character, my status and me. Needless to say, they weren’t pretty.

Things have been going okay with me. Health is good, just had my blood drawn today and go back to the doctor on the 19th to find out my results. So far so good.

I’m working at a new place that I started in October. It is an incredible opportunity that fell in my lap with LOTS more money but most importantly, for the first time, respect for my knowledge and capabilities. It is so refreshing yet strange to have people expect you to know things instead of being surprised that you do. For the first time, I think I really feel like an adult. Go figure, it only took me 43 years! My brain hurts from all of the thinking I have to do and when I get home at night, all I want to do is veg-out.

The holidays were nice, not too much drama and thankfully they are almost over. My family is rarely without drama so having none is quite a surprise.

The dating thing didn’t go so well. I met a few guys but when it really came down to it, they just couldn’t get over the “HIV thing” and I moved on. Hopefully this New Year will bring love back into my life. I really miss it.

Hmm, let’s see have I updated you guys on everything? Oh yeah, the Effexor is working nicely. It has taken the edge off of my anger and the only side effects I have left are sudden break outs of sweat, but even those have lessened.

Moe is still the best darn kitty ever and I thank God for having him in my life every damn day. The joys of pet ownership should be experienced by everyone! I’d post my Christmas picture of him and I but I’ve learned that posting pictures of myself is a no bueno thing as well. Amazing what having almost two (2) years under your belt teaches you!

Not sure how soon I will blog again, but please know that for those of you that support me and blog, I truly appreciate you all.

Take care

I did it! For some strange reason, I decided to post a singles ad on Craig's List. Why I picked this medium I can't even explain.

I have to say that I was very pleasantly surprised by the responses. Yes, I did get responses, quite a few of them actually. Incredibly nice, caring and sweet responses. So far no psycho's but there's still time.

My biggest fear is to send them my picture. What if I know them??? What if they are some kind of whacko denialist who posts my picture on some website???

Now the hard part. Responding to the emails I received. Baby steps…..

Here is my ad:

Well, this sure isn't easy to do, but here it goes.

I am a 43 year old single, attractive woman who was diagnosed as being HIV positive in February of 2006. No, I am not a prostitute, nor an IV drug user. I contracted it from my boyfriend of 2 years. I am healthy and asymptomatic. (that means I have no symptoms just in case you didn't understand) I will live a long and healthy life, sans this virus.

I am ready to rejoin the dating world and I am hoping that the stigma associated with this virus has lost its momentum.

I am smart, funny, active and quite a "catch" :) 5'7", 140lbs, dark hair, brown eyes, and sporting a very nice tan thanks to the beautiful weather we have been enjoying lately.

I'm interested in friends first, I know that whoever responds to this ad will need some education on this virus and I have no problem with that. The more you know, the more you'll understand that you can't get it from kissing, hugging, toilet seats or sharing a drink.

You be smart, funny and passionate. Passionate about love, life, family and friends. Enjoys going to the beach, hanging out in Balboa Park on a Sunday, Charger games and cool dive bars. I prefer men between the ages of 36 and 45.

Let's see what happens!

I’m not sure what to do. I’m over the “I was just diagnosed” phase of my virus. Lola is now a living breathing part of my life that I rarely think about anymore. So what excuse do I have now? I’ve used the “I’m fat” defense, vacillated with the “I’m not worthy” justification but none of it seems plausible any more.

So what do I do to kick start my life again? I could always do what my mom suggests……”take a class honey” “lots of men take classes you can meet someone there.” Uh, yeah………no.

I’m not just looking for a mate, I’m in need of some new friends. People I can hang out with, go to the beach, the mall, gossip on the phone, anything. Thanks to “letting go of my anger” through better living through chemicals, I really think that I am in a better place to be more receptive and open. I’m tired of doing things by myself. I’m tired of having meaningful conversations with my cat. I want someone who talks back, well, at least in a language I can understand and relate to.

There are so many websites out there that offer all sorts of relationships. Friendfinders, SugarDaddyFinders, you name it, it’s out there. I’m tired of keys behind the computer screen meeting game. What ever happened to just meeting people the “normal” way? So here’s my question. What actually IS the “normal way?”

I have to say, in all my retrospection, I have managed to go through A LOT of books, several new movies, lots of reality television, a couple of new restaurants, two tubes of sun tan oil and I now have a killer tan! Sans the book reading, all was done alone. Let me just say, that is WAY too much Lisa for one person! 

I am getting out of the house more, which is a HUGE step for me. I haven’t cancelled any plans that I have made, kept up with all of my commitments even if I really didn’t want to go, I forced myself to and mostly had a good time when I did. I just want more. I am ready to admit that I actually deserve more. Do they sell “more” at Target?

I went to my first gay pride this weekend.

My friend Shane came down from Wisconsin on Thursday to see me and take me to my first gay pride parade. So on Saturday, we headed off early to get good seats.

First we attended the parade which was a BLAST! The festivities were opened up by a group of motorcycle riders called “Dykes on Bikes.”

Evidently they are a big deal, because the crowd went wild! We waited in anticipation on the curbside spot we had staked claim to and all of the sudden, the roar of the engines could be heard, and then up they drove.

WOW! Some were old, some were young, but I have to say, as a full fledge heterosexual woman, who loves her some penis, these women were HOT! There was something about the roar of the crowd, the women in leather that was very arousing to the senses. Okay, enough with the lesbian infatuation.

The parade lasted a long while and then we walked over to the festival in the park. There were masses of beautiful people. And when I say beautiful people, I am talking about scantily clad men, who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Not a backwards glance, a nod, nothing. Now we are talking about men wearing no shirts, jeans with the ass cut out and muscles galore. Exquisite, chiseled, tanned and glistening. Yum-ee.

Lots of stuff to see, lots of people to watch. I was in my element. Especially since I rarely get out of the house anymore. This was considered a BIG outing for me.

We ate bad fair food that we paid way too much for and walked around browsing through the many booths. THEN we went to a section that you had to be at least 18 years old to enter. I was pretty excited about what I was about to see. It was a fairly small area with just a couple of booths. The first one a piercing place that had pictures of what you could get pierced. Who knew people pierced these parts of their bodies? Certainly not me, but I still looked at the pictures, cringing and grimacing the entire time.

The next booth sold porn and had the actual stars of the video there. Young, nubile men with that “V” thing going on in the nether regions…..damn that “V” thing gets me every time. The place was swarming with men who wanted their pictures taken with them, so we moved on.

Dirty and tired we came home, showered and crashed.

The next morning, to round out the weekend, we went to a Gospel Drag Queen brunch at this place called Lips. Now come on, who doesn’t love a drag queen? All I really want to know is, where in the hell do they put their “junk” and how can I possibly get cleavage like they have? It was so much fun. I want to come back as a drag queen in my next life. Or maybe, a dyke on a bike, I can’t decide.