Subscribe to this blog's feedI thought that HIV was the “skinny” virus.
I remember walking into my first support group and seeing all of the people sitting there, most of which were of larger stature.
I lost over 100lbs about a year and a half ago. Having always been a “big girl” whose weight was evenly distributed, losing that much weight made me reevaluate everything. People treat overweight people differently, it’s a fact. When I lost all of my weight, I noticed that sales people paid more attention to me. Maybe because they knew I would fit into the clothes they were selling in their stores. Who knows?
With all of the stress I was going through last year, Icky in the hospital, my diagnosis, I was living on cigarettes and Starbucks. Stress is a GREAT weight loss program, take it from me. Once all of the drama died down, I turned back to my original “lover”………..food. The one constant that has always been there for me to fill me up when I was empty. I have used food as a way of coping since before I can even remember.
While off work for 4 months, I regressed back into my old eating habits. My favorite brownies from 7-11 and the oh-so-delicious Lays Spicy Barbeque Potato Chips, my ultimate weakness. Not to mention that I rarely move. That’s right, not an ounce of exercise here. Unless you count walking from the couch to the refrigerator exercise.
Not sure why I thought that HIV would keep me thin, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. I’ve gained 25lbs of the 100lbs I have lost and I am terrified of becoming the “fat girl” again. But not terrified enough to do something about it. I keep thinking there is some quick fix, a pill, a program, but I just have to change my relationship with food. I did it once, now I need to really make it stick. That and start some kind of exercise program. I hate to exercise, and I don’t get the people who like it. Screw those so called endorphins they say they get, that’s just a bunch of bullshit. They just say that because they look good and can!
Maybe I’ll buy a treadmill, I could use an extra clothes hanger anyway!
Comments (4)
Good luck with the exercises girl, i am sure you can make it!!! :) i am there with you, all my poz energies!!!
Posted by Juan Carlos | April 28, 2007 10:49 PM
Posted on April 28, 2007 22:49
I've never felt any endorphins from working out either -- just pain. I can make myself do it, but I totally understand what you mean!
Posted by ToddGM | May 10, 2007 7:39 AM
Posted on May 10, 2007 07:39
wow!it’s great to read articles that come directly from the heart. Thanks for sharing
Posted by Emily | June 15, 2007 12:09 AM
Posted on June 15, 2007 00:09
Hi Lisa,
I agree, stress is great for weight loss, lol! My ex BF just ended our relationship in Dec 2006 after 2-1/2 years together. He is neg and got so paranoid about seroconversion that he freaked out and left me between Christmas and New Years. Happy Holidays, yeah RIGHT! We had been busy for two years building a home together, which I never moved into. He married some bitch in March 2007 and I was having an identity crisis, knowing she would be moving into the house that I helped build! I have lost 25 lbs since the beginning of the year, along with my job (lol) but I look better than ever. Yes, I enjoy sitting on the couch and stuffing myself, and yes exercise really, really sucks! One of my dogs died earlier in April (yes, it has been a horrible 2007 for me...) so I have been taking my other dog on hikes so he's not lonely. I know it sounds lame, but maybe walking and getting a change of scenery would help. Its exercise, but its not like running until you're out of breath and getting stuck under the tredmill! I hike in a local park on weekdays when no one else is around because I enjoy my privacy, and I too, don't like to always be around people. I have been unemployed for 5 weeks but manage to get out and walk the dog for a mile about 2x a week unless its really hot. I live in Maryland. Yes, the endorphins kick in a little, you feel good that you've accomplished a goal, and all you've done is WALK your fat butt through the park along the creek. No real stress to the system there. I see it as therapy -- a time alone to clear your mind and get some air. Try it. I never thought I would be telling someone else how good it could feel to get out and walk. I am diabetic too, and on insulin, so that opens up another can of worms for me, and the walking really helps. I am 37 years old, have been widowed 11 years and pos for 14. My late husband passed the virus to me without my knowing it and I refuse to go down the same path he did. Keep your head up, find joy in the little things when you can. Oh, and eat that Milky Way, sure I do that all the time, but get out and walk just a little! My prayers to you, sweetie!
Posted by Cindy | June 25, 2007 8:30 AM
Posted on June 25, 2007 08:30