Lisa's POZ Blog

Hi, i know you are not looking for simpathy but i think most of us are going through same stuff these days.

Today i discovered i am depressed, i actually don't feel sad.... but stopped caring about me since some time ago, stopped going out, in fact the biggest group i had been these days was composed of two people. I felt my life a bit dark, silent... i have became very shy.

The thing is, i understand you but i wish to tell you to find a way out of it is good... you know... friends are there, sometimes they dont understand us, but sometimes they dont have to... sometimes we only have to let them be... and we have to allow us to be ourselves again.

This weekend that past i went camping with some ex co workers, my friends invited me and none of them went. They felt sick and i was in hell. Although after the day past i found i was actually laughing lot.. and became a bit of the funny guy i always was, chatted a lot, joked a lot... didn't worry about hiv, i was just a bit of myself, the real me.

I know you don't want to go out, but perhaps to force you to do it, is going to be the best way to fight.... you don't need to join your friends but what about meeting new people, you don't need to tell them you have hiv, you only have to be yourself, the one you have always been.

Kisses,

You are a beautiful person. I first looked at your blog because you were beautiful on the outside, but now I look at it because you are beautiful on the inside too.

I don't know much, and I am not a professional...but it seems to me that you might need a change of pace. Something to remind you why life is worth living. How about an extreme roadtrip with a close friend? Maybe some pampering at a nice spa? A trip to New York City for the hell of it?

Also, this is something that works for me: I have a list that I can read from my bed. On it, I write everything that makes me laugh. It is the last thing I see before I sleep and the first thing I see when I wake-up. If I start the day laughing, things just seem better. But sometimes, it is damn difficult to come up with funny things. Good luck to you. I look forward to reading more blogs.

I know how it feels. I have a toddler who is constantly wearing me out. But you just have to tell yourself that's life, and it's that way. I don't feel you need to ingest extra medication to try to feel better unless it's absolutly necessary. Try to find another way whether it be meditation or herbal. I do understand what that funk is all about, I have it everyday, all day long, and it scares me, because I think "that's it I'm going to die", but I don't, and I live on, and so will you.
Take care of yourself, your future kids need you.

Hey, you know what, gotta get out of the house, gotta talk to some one, gotta walk in the sunshine, even for five minutes. All the stuff you stop doing, is all the stuff that keeps you from feeling like death warmed over. I'm not dealing with this illness so I don't presume to know AT ALL what you are going through, but I do know that you deserve to get out of the house and bed at least once a day.

Stay strong.

Lisa- I have been following your story since day one with Icky. I know exactly what you are describing, cause I think we are living parallel lives. From shock, to weight gain, to moms playing with our hair its all crazy. Anyway, if you want to ever talk or just be crazy girl kind of stuff, let me know.

I Am at the forums.

Hi! Just read a blog for the first time in my life,and it just happened to be yours,probably because you're pretty and your picture caught my eye.Anyway,I've got a very good idea of what you're going through,because I'm doing the same thing,except I just got myself a chihuaha puppy,who I consider my "companion", that I look foward to seeing when I get home from work at night. I know that if I did go out to some nightclub,I'd probably meet some lady that would arouse my interest,but I choose not to.I just sit at home and pick up little puppy turds.At least Moko,my pup,doesn't have the slightest idea what hiv is,and I don't have to explain all the little "important" things that most companions have to know about hiv.Geez,I hope this doesn't sound weird!!? But,I know you understand where I'm coming from,huh? Anyways,you sound like a nice lady and I hope that someday you don't have to rely on anti-depressants to realize what's really important in life,for me thats my kids,my family and people that I care about and that care about me,unconditionally.Take care of yourself Lisa and I wish you the best!!!

Robert