Subscribe to this blog's feedMy body does not like this virus.
It’s all about the numbers. People say “don’t pay attention to the numbers” yet it’s the first question they ask. “What are your numbers?” I know there are others out there whose numbers are not as good as mine, but these are MY numbers. Good, bad or indifferent, I still get freaked out.
When I was first diagnosed, my t-cells were 968 and I was at 56%. Everyone I told was like “OMG! Those are GREAT numbers!” It made me feel like I was okay. In fact, when disclosing to my friends, it was one of the “tools” I used to make them feel better. “Don’t worry” I’d say, “I probably have the same amount of t-cells as you and you’re not infected!” That would ease their mind to the state of my health as it did mine.
Since my first blood test, my t-cells to me have been steadily declining along with my percentage. My viral load has remained fairly consistent, not rising above 8k, but everyone says it’s all about the percentage and t-cells.
I went to the doctor on Friday for my regular 3 month check up. My t-cells dropped from 710 to 605 and my percentage went from 46% to 41%. I know, I know, those are still “great” numbers according to the world of HIV/AIDS, but in MY world it’s a HUGE change. To me, it is an indicator of how my body is handling this virus. Yes, I realize that t-cells can fluctuate depending on how you are feeling, what’s going on in your body, yadda, yadda, yadda. Still, my body no likey.
I have a limit. That limit for me is 450. When my t-cells hit 450, I am going to start meds. I want to keep the good ones, it’s too hard to create new t-cells. Thankfully it’s my decision to make, regardless of whether or not the doctor agrees. He doesn’t. Of course it is his “duty” to say things like “It will be years before you have to make the choice of going on meds” or “Don’t worry, you’re still within the normal range” I am SO far left of “normal” it ain’t even funny.
Time will tell I guess. I’ve got another 3 months before my next blood draw…….I’ll check Ebay to see if they are selling any t-cells, I mean hey! They sell everything don’t they?
Comments (4)
Hi, well.... i guess eventhough T cells are important it is also about seeing things in a way they won't impact/hurt you.
When i first knew i was poz, i made my mind.... i don't want meds.... at all. With the time i learnt about them, and found out it is a tricky game.... to me it is like those car race or motorcycle race one play on computer... you have to be in the middle, in balance... you should not go way to the left nor to the right... cause it might bring troubles (side effects), but i learnt... meds are there to help and well... one cannot fight what is impossible to avoid, and loosing t cells, is impossible to avoid.
I made my mind, and now eventhough i started my t cell count at 494 (which i think is great) i know i am loosing them... and i don't fear it.... i am preparing myself to face starting meds at 200. I am just enjoying the few t cells i have and taking them to the park, to work, feeding them with optimisitc thoughs, nice food, made them sing nice songs, sightseeing around the city and more. I know some of them will die... but i am giving them the best time of their lives.
Wish you the best, you are an awesome girl
Posted by Juan Carlos | June 2, 2007 6:53 PM
Posted on June 2, 2007 18:53
Lisa,
Don't sweat the numbers, just accept them. It's unfortunately just a part of our life now. I know it is so much easier for me to say than for you to agree but it's true. Here is my story and beliefs. 99% of being positive is your state of mind. If that is good, your numbers will follow suit. I was anti-meds for six years. ABSOLUTELY refused. I too enjoyed the days of t-cell counts in the 900's and undetectable viral load. Then I got this random bacterial infection that had nothing to do with being positive which was misdiagnosed for 9 months. In that time because my immune system was fighting this infection, I went full blown, bla, bla, bla. I had to go on Atripla, a once a day pill. That was last year. My t-cell count went to the 500's. I was so mad that I was on meds that was as high as they would go. I prayed about it a lot, restored my positive thinking and state of mind and now I am back to the 900+ t-cell count and an undetectable viral load. There aren't any side affects of this medicine and once I accepted it and was okay with it, my health has never been better. Hope it all works out for you sister, I'll pray for you and keep an eye on ebay...lol. Robert
Posted by Robert | June 3, 2007 10:10 PM
Posted on June 3, 2007 22:10
HI robert what infection did you have for 9 months that was misdiagnosed ;-(
Posted by Dodo | June 6, 2007 3:32 AM
Posted on June 6, 2007 03:32
Hello! 450 is good! I am 20 yrs old and my t-cell count is only 220... I have been carrying HIV for about ten years when I was molested when I was just ten or eleven... I did not know that I am positive until I have donated blood for my classmates' dad last January. For years there were not any symptoms too. According to the doctor, its just normal coz im a kid and my immune system is fairly doing well years before. My parents do not know any of these yet coz I live away from home for university. I wish that HIV testing be made mandatory before it ruins everyone. Anyways, cheer up... You are luckier than many... My doctor said HIV is better than rabies or cancer where you can immediately die after contraction. With healthy lifestyle (proper diet) and proper meds, one can live for many many years. I should say, to take care of you t-cells please avoid stress, sleeping late, and cigarettes (eating much is also OK). Take care
Posted by Ron | November 11, 2007 6:51 PM
Posted on November 11, 2007 18:51