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How Do We Solve a Problem Like Pintauro?


My discomfort began as I sat in front of my web cam, waiting to join Danny Pintauro in a segment on Huffington Post Live. Danny had recently announced on an Oprah special that he was living with HIV, which was big news for fans of "Who's the Boss?" and those who loved the precocious little boy Danny played. Before my virtual entrance, Danny was telling host Nancy Redd how he was infected with HIV.

Grabbed Frame 1He wanted to explore "rougher sides" of his sexuality, he explained. And wouldn't you know it, the first guy he hooks up with for that purpose offers him crystal meth. "And you combine meth, which completely ruins your immune system," he said earnestly, "you combine having been up a good 12 or 13 hours... you combine that with some rough but safe sex, believe it or not, and it's just a potent combination."

My jaw dropped. Did Danny Pintauro just attribute his HIV infection to using meth and being tired? Did he just say that he had safe sex, "believe it or not?"

No, Danny. I don't believe it.  While gay meth addicts are many times more likely to test HIV positive, it is because they engage in high risk behaviors, specifically unprotected anal sex, and not because they missed a good night's sleep.

Danny went on to explain, or at least presume, that his sex partner's viral load "had to have been very high, because that's the easiest way to contract it if you're not being unsafe."

I was incredulous. I began to mentally prepare retorts to the celebrity. If you are not being unsafe, Danny, you will not become infected with HIV, regardless of your partner's viral load. Prevention is a two-way street. Your partner posed no threat to you if you were being safe, which you say you were. Which is ludicrous because you were high on crystal meth, a sex drug known for evaporating condoms instantaneously. Statements like "we were safe, believe it or not" would be pure comedy gold at any Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting.

14616But I actually said nothing to challenge his statements.  When I appeared on the segment a few minutes later, I welcomed Danny to the world of poz activism and identified myself as a fellow meth addict in recovery. I then threw out an inane softball question to our newly-minted HIV positive celebrity/cautionary tale, because, well, he was on a popular sitcom and has the power to reach a lot of people. And because I totally wimped out.

We don't always get the spokesperson we want. We have to work with the celebrity we are dealt (ask any transgender activist in this Year of Caitlyn). And it's unfair to expect a random person with a celebrity past to be conversant on every aspect of HIV important to us. Besides, Danny's messaging around meth and gay men alone is worthy of our gratitude.

It is also true that Danny has set himself up for criticism and judgments. In a universally vilified segment on The View, one of the hosts, a breathtakingly clueless idiot named Candace Cameron Bure, challenged Danny to "take responsibility" for his actions, as if she had just nabbed an interview with the latest mass shooter.

If that was your last exposure to Mr. Pintauro, you're probably feeling for him about now. So was I. That is, until he doubled down on his "I had safe sex" statements by telling US Magazine that not only had he been a condom-loving crystal meth addict, he was actually infected through oral sex.

I better take a breath here. Ahem. Okay. Moving on.

There's no way to know the level of shame Danny Pintauro may be feeling around his addiction and HIV infection. And he must sincerely value his beloved place in television pop culture and hate to discolor it with his personal revelations. That took courage.

But attributing his HIV infection to the infinitesimal risk of oral sex - because God forbid anyone picture the former child actor taking bare dick and semen up his ass - isn't the kind of transparency needed for a gay, HIV positive spokesperson.

And then, oddly, Danny added in his US Magazine interview that the "irresponsible" man he believes infected him -- whose name escaped Danny for many years -- has been on his mind and he has been trying to find him, even searching through obituaries and what-not.

Danny's strange fixation suggests a blame game that goes beyond Danny's assertion that he just wants to be sure the guy "is okay." Let us all hope that the man in question is living a healthy life somewhere, safe from Danny's well-intentioned but pointless quest to contact him.

That man deserves his privacy at least as much as Danny Pintauro deserves his rocky, vexing media tour.


VIDEO: The 2015 US Conference on AIDS

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Not to get all southern gothic on you, but I depend upon the kindness of strangers. Especially when producing video blogs at conferences.

Social to Mobile selfie"Excuse me, would you please just hold this camera and point it at me while I talk to these people?" I must have said that sentence at least 40 times during the United States Conference on AIDS (USCA), held recently in Washington, DC. Every single interview you see in my video blog below was shot by whomever was wandering by at the time. Thanks, y'all!

The video contains three AIDS czars, one stripper pole, a ferocious batch of trans protestors, and more inspirational front-line workers than you can shake a stick at. My congratulations to the National Minority AIDS Council for their famously creative production of the weekend.


The spirit shared by the advocates, healthcare providers, and organizations who convened for USCA was electrifying, and just the boost many of us need to keep our energy up and our dedication renewed.

Oh, and special thanks to the CDC's Act Against AIDS campaign for letting me take over their Instagram page during the conference (follow them here), and to Gilead Sciences for sponsoring the "Mind the Gap" session on social media and inviting me to host it.

I love what I do. I love the work you're doing, too. As always, you are welcome to re-post my content, share it, take the YouTube video above and post it within your page, whatever might help share the messages of this amazing event and the awesome people who attended.

Thanks, my friends, and please be well.


(The photo above was the selfie the Social to Mobile speakers took at the end of our session, and includes - left to right - YouTube star Davey Wavey, blogger Guy Anthony, Michelle Samplin-Salgado of AIDS.govLuvvie Ajayi of the Red Pump Project, Miguel Gomez, myself, and Michael Crawford from Freedom to Marry.)

A Southern Town Joins ACT UP in 'Small Town Rage'

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When Alana Oldham was only 17 years old, she found out the meaning of activism. A close friend had received an AIDS diagnosis and he wasn't expected to live very long. Alana wanted to take action -- to make a difference and vent her grief and frustration -- but there were two major obstacles in her way.

It was 1989, and she lived in Shreveport, Louisiana.

NIH Protest Alana Oldham

"I had to do what I could to help my friend," says Alana. "What was happening was cruel. People were discriminated against everywhere. Another friend of mine was fired from his job for having AIDS."

And so, Alana Oldham did something in Shreveport that many people assume was only possible in much larger cities. She accepted an invitation from founding member Debbie Allen to attend an ACT UP meeting, one of the first to be held by the fledgling Shreveport group. And very soon thereafter, Alana took to the streets of her southern home town as part of angry protests. (Alana in 1990, above center.)

Robert Darrow, a founding member of ACT UP Shreveport, was right by her side. After years away from home, living in New York City and dealing with his own AIDS diagnosis, Robert had returned to Shreveport to die near his family. Instead, his health stabilized as he took part in a small town revolution.

"We were an angry bunch of young people," Robert said. "We were angry at local doctors for turning us away. We were angry at judgmental families. Even at the only local clinic that would treat us, they installed an exhaust fan to get rid of the air we breathed."

The group of activists were stunningly effective, showing up regularly on the front page of The Shreveport Times and on local television, and leading to the formation of an HIV clinic and a community-based AIDS service agency, The Philadelphia Center.

ACT UP New York activist Peter Staley (profiled in the Oscar-nominated documentary How to Survive a Plague) recalls taking notice. "I remember the thrill we got in New York when we heard about the launch of ACT UP Shreveport," he said. "We had breached the Deep South!"

Group at taping

ACT UP Shreveport members today: (l-r) Alana Oldham, Gary Cathby, Buddy Williamson, Debbie Allen, Robert Darrrow, and Small Town Rage co-producer David Hylan.)

But not everyone in Shreveport was a fan.

"Even people in the gay community wanted us to go away," said Robert. "They thought we were appalling." Robert believes it was more difficult for ACT UP Shreveport to speak out than activists elsewhere, citing the hugely conservative majority in Louisiana. The disapproval of in-your-face activism also mirrored the self-hatred felt by so many gay men living in the Bible Belt.

David Hylan was one of those men. Married and closeted at the time, David watched ACT UP from the sidelines. "They were scary," he said. "The radical nature of it was off-putting, especially since the south found all gay people immoral. And now there was this deadly disease."

David realizes now that his discomfort had as much to do with his own masked sexuality as it did with the angry street activists he saw on the local news.

SMallTownRageLOGOSo it feels satisfyingly, poetic even, that David is now co-producer of Small Town Rage: Fighting Back in the Deep South, a documentary in the works about the history of ACT UP Shreveport. The film features interviews with many of the surviving activists and with family members of those who were lost to the epidemic.

new Kickstarter campaign has already raised one-third of the project's $15,000 budget. Dozens of hours of interviews have been filmed, and funds raised will cover remaining production costs and efforts to feature Small Town Rage at film festivals. Tom Viola, the influential head of Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, has issued a personal appeal in support of the project on his Facebook page.

"This whole journey has been a learning experience," said David Hylan. "I've come to appreciate the people who were just fighting for their dignity." His personal evolution led to a second marriage earlier this year, when David married his boyfriend.

The Kickstarter promotional video for Small Town Rage.

The Philadelphia Center in Shreveport, forged by the efforts of ACT UP, remains the only HIV service provider in northern Louisiana.

Robert Darrow, the ACT UP member who had gone home to die and helped form ACT UP instead, served as The Philadelphia Center's first executive director. Robert says that of all ACT UP Shreveport's accomplishments, he is most proud that the agency serves thousands of clients. And there's something else that gives him pride.

"I'm proud we did not remain silent," he says.


(Visit the Small Town Rage site and consider even a modest token of support. I pledged $25 but any amount is welcome. Stay up to date on the film's progress through theirFacebook page or Twitter feed.)

The Wonderful, Stigma-Bashing 'Wizards of Poz'

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Any campaign that blends living with HIV with a sense of empowerment and joy always grabs my attention. Stigma remains one of the most damaging forces in our struggle to both combat new infections and support those of us with the virus.

Australian Nic Holas 33, co-created the social and advocacy platform for people living with HIV, The Institute of Many (TIM) only weeks after he tested HIV positive in 2012, and it nurtures exactly the kind of peer support that so many advocates find the most effective.

Wizard main photo

And now, TIM has launched The Wizards of Poz, a social media campaign that celebrates people living with HIV who are taking charge of their lives.

Nic and I spoke about his Wizards of Poz campaign, the Aussie epidemic, "glamorizing" HIV, and a certain sexy monkey.

So, Nic, you've taken one of the most iconic films loved by the gays... and made it gayer. That's no small feat.

Thanks! It was so much fun. The campaign all started from a joke that Jeff Lange (TIM's American-based co-founder) and I had - namely that I was the Wicked Witch of TIM who stirred trouble, and he was the Good Witch who would just float down every once in a while, smile and leave! When we started to dream up what the campaign looked like, we wanted to extend that image to other members of TIM, and honor their contribution - as well as send a new message to the wider HIV community.


TIM: Our Dorothy is a wide-eyed hipster dream in gingham cut offs, just starting his journey to "follow the undetectable viral load."

I also like the playful way in which you take subcultures such as queers, radical fairies, sissies, and leather queens and make them something to be exalted and enjoyed.

Those subcultures exist, and they're all valid! With this campaign, we're trying to celebrate all the diverse ways queer culture presents itself, in a way as a reaction to the pressure for us to "be normal" at the moment.

I love that a woman is the lioness.

It was so important to me that Abby Landy be our lioness. Positive women are very underrepresented in Australian media depictions of poz living, or when they are, it's often a betrayal/victim narrative. Abby has been very brave to step into the spotlight to tell her story, and I thought turning her into the anything-but-cowardly lioness was a fitting tribute.


TIM: Our Lioness is today's young poz woman and is anything but cowardly, and in control of her sexuality and her choices.

How are racial demographics different down under? Here in the United States, including people of color in campaigns like this is important.

This is something that was a bit of a struggle. I could see when I was amassing our "cast" that it lacked diversity. I wanted to pay tribute to the TIM members who had put themselves out there in the media for TIM, but what that has helped me realize is what sort of narrative the media is looking for in Australia, or rather which narratives are being excluded. We have a burgeoning population of Sub-Saharan African migrants and refugees in Australia, plus Asian international students and migrants, and of course our Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander First Australians. Those communities and their experiences with HIV need to be honored.

I laughed but wasn't a bit surprised to see Theodore, my hottie Aussie cameraman from my video reports at AIDS2014 in Melbourne, half naked and on his hands and knees! Thank you for completing the Theo fantasy shared by most everyone who meets him.

Ha! It's an honor and a privilege to find ways to bring Theo's bare ass to the world.


TIM: The Flying Monkey won't let HIV stop him soaring high in the sky, no matter who tries to clip his wings.

In the materials for the campaign, you speak about "paying rent on our privilege to be HIV+ in Australia in 2015." I like the throwback to those who came earlier, and the sense of gratitude for our lives today. Tell me more about that.

"Paying rent on our privilege" is one of TIM's core beliefs. The movement started because Jeff (the Good Witch) and I weren't that knocked about by our diagnoses. For me, that meant that I owed it to the ones who fought and worked to give us that freedom, and to those diagnosed alongside us who still consider HIV to be a life-limiting event (not to mention of course the millions of PLHIV around the world who cannot access treatment, who are criminalized, and discriminated).

And oh my dear, you have to paint me a picture of what the photo shoot was like. I imagine strange colors and fur and feathers and exposed skin all over the place. And a lot of laughs.

Oh God, the shoot was ridiculous! I've done my fair share of wild shoots in the past, and I knew how long things take and how mad it can get. This is the first time though I've had to art direct something while being painted Wicked Witch green! The incredible thing was that practically everyone on the shoot was HIV+, and if they weren't poz they were dating someone that was and got roped in to help! It's a testament to the creative power and community spirit of the poz universe.


TIM: Tin Man is a flashback to the heydays of 90s raver queer culture, and knows his big heart can find love on the dance floor, online, or anywhere - and his status won't stop him.

Have you had any negative reactions to the campaign?

Some people have criticized the campaign saying it glamorizes HIV.

Oh. That again.

It's ridiculous. The campaign glamourizes HIV+ people. And why shouldn't we feel glamorous and fuckable and hot? If you can't tell the difference between making poz people feel good about themselves and making HIV seem "attractive," then you can't see us beyond our status. And that makes you a pozphobic fool.


TIM: Scarecrow is a 100% organic radical faerie who turns toxicity into spirituality, and who knows HIV requires philosophy - and he's got the brain for it.

What is the state of the HIV epidemic in Australia, by the way?

There are approximately 26,000 people diagnosed with HIV here. One of the leading responses has been needle exchange programs and sex worker empowerment, which means gay men are the main affected population (not the only one, of course).  There are virtually no AIDS deaths any more due to treatment uptake in the 90% because of universal healthcare. So, we have the luxury of focusing on stigma.

As progressive as Australia is, many people will be surprised to learn that pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) isn't available there.

PrEP isn't an inevitability here. Truvada still needs to be approved for use as PrEP, then put on something called the PBS (Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme) so anyone can access it. It is still two years away, at least.


TIM: The Good Witch is a sissy swagger jock. Along with the Wicked Witch, these witches are two sides of the same coin doing what needs to be done to keep The Land of Poz moving forward, in their own unique way - naughty or nice.

Is TIM limited to those in Australia?  There may be people elsewhere who see this campaign and want to join in the online social support you offer.

The TIM group is global! It's all back to the "paying rent on our privilege" thing. The TIM digital space (a private group on Facebook) not only lets people find community, it can put our HIV into perspective. As I've had to say in the past, "TIM wasn't set up to help you, it was set up so we could help each other."

That's great. If the FB group is private, how might people who read this story join the group if they are interested?

Anyone interested can check out this page on the website, or contact us through thepublic Facebook page.


TIM: The Wicked Witch is a a dirty leather queen. Along with the Good Witch, these witches are two sides of the same coin doing what needs to be done to keep The Land of Poz moving forward, in their own unique way - naughty or nice.

Thanks for this work, Nic.

No worries!


(Campaign models are all members of The Institute of Many, and include Sebastian Robinson as Scarecrow, Dean Camilleri as Tin Man, Charlie Tredway as Dorothy, Jeff Lange as Glinda, Theodore Tsipiras as Winged Monkey, Abby Landy as the Lioness, and Nic Holas the the Wicked Witch.)

The Visual AIDS Web Gallery 'Proud to be Positive'

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June is Pride Month in the LGBT community, and I was honored to be asked by Visual AIDS to curate a digital exhibit on the topic. Immediately, I considered a question that I had once posed to readers of my blog.

If living with HIV is nothing to be ashamed of, is it something to be proud of?

Proud to be Positive ImageIt was a really interesting exercise to explore this question, and I hope you will head over to Visual AIDS to check out the exhibit online. Visual AIDS has thousands of images of artwork that represent the artistic expression of hundreds of artists living with HIV.

Of course, including these artists in my exhibit meant that I was assigning meaning to their work in a way they may never have intended. That's okay. Art is gloriously subjective. In the image Self-Enforced Disclosure (Greg Mitchell, 2007) above, I could help but believe that a man who would tattoo his HIV status on his body did not do it to shame himself. But is it an act of pride?

From my curator statement:

No one should be marked or shamed for living with HIV. But, should someone claim to be proud of being positive, there is a lingering, implicit threat to the statement, as if their pride is untrustworthy, or worse, that having the audacity to feel proud of living with the virus must mean they want to infect everyone else.

We must reject the stigma that labels people with HIV as predatory, irresponsible, and lacking in self-respect. Being proud of all that we are is hardly the same as wishing it on others.

I hope you will check this out and share your thoughts.


POZ Surviving Life Itself Imagep.s. My writing is my artistic expression, and I really appreciate the response I have received to my essay in the new June issue of POZ Magazine, "Surviving Life Itself." The piece reflects on my relevance, and lack thereof, as a 30-year survivor of HIV, and what kind of impact others like myself can have in the here and now. I hope you will grab a copy at your local clinic or pharmacy, or read it online here.

The Odds of Love


This story will never be as romantic as I would like it to be. And it could never be as romantic as it has been to live it.

MarkMichaelAIDS2012On the evening of July 22, 2012, Michael Mitchell went to a mixer at Cobalt, a gay club in Washington, DC. The international AIDS conference was being held in town and Michael, a DC resident who had once served as director of an AIDS agency, decided on a whim to go check it out.

I had been shooting video all day for my video blog conference coverage and thought the name of the mixer -- Meet the Men of AIDS2012! - had an inviting ring to it.

During the reception Michael and I engaged in some mutual cruising from across the bar before Michael, God bless him, made his move. He walked up and introduced himself. Even with dance music thumping and a boisterous crowd surrounding us, he had an adorable humility about him that came through loud and clear.

So did the remnants of a southern twang, and we quickly established we were both southerners born in Alabama. We talked about his work implementing the Affordable Care Act and I was struck by how proud he was to help provide health insurance to millions of Americans.

"I'm a blogger, I write about HIV," I said after a while.

"Oh, I know," Michael answered, and he grinned. "I've been reading you for years." He leaned in closer and flexed his dimples. "And you should get new pictures. You're much better looking in person."

I swallowed the line like a cold glass of sweet tea.

For the remaining nights of the conference, I sat at the foot of Michael's bed and edited video footage into the wee hours while he slept. We toured the Global Village at the conference center and got our picture taken (above). We held hands, casually and almost immediately. When I left a few days later there were tears at the bus stop.

You would think that after many years writing about living joyfully with HIV that my own happiness would be a given. That's hardly been the case. After several false starts and some complete misfires -- primarily due to my own deficiencies -- I had stopped believing I would ever get the whole relationship thing right. What are the odds of getting another chance, after so many wasted ones?

"I am not a very good boyfriend," I told Michael in a frank conversation early on, the kind that is meant to drive the poor guy away before he is taken hostage. "I've either been terribly immature or in active drug addiction. I've never been faithful, or even very thoughtful."

"That doesn't mean you can't be," he replied, as if it were the simplest response in the world, as if none of my past faults had any bearing on the here and now. Suddenly it clicked, a switch in my head I had been grappling with my whole adult life, and Michael's statement made perfect sense. Why couldn't I just behave differently, and do it because I love Michael and to hurt him would crush me?

I am going to marry that man.

On June 6, a small group of friends and family will gather in the lush woods of Pennsylvania a few feet away from where I proposed on Christmas Eve (below). During our ceremony I will make promises that I have every intention, at long, long last, of keeping. Our vows will be emotional but a mere formality, because for three years we have adored one another without a single cruel word between us.

Engagement Horizonatal crop


When I was growing up I could never find anything in the house; the right socks, my school assignment, my lunch money. I would call downstairs to mother and complain that I just couldn't find it, whatever it was.

"You haven't found it yet," she would reply with the preternatural calm that had mercifully accompanied her through years of raising six children.

My search has continued, for those things misplaced or never claimed to begin with, and I have actually found a few of them. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. Self-esteem. Sobriety. An acceptance of life on its own terms. An unselfish love for another human being.

The search may have been maddening, but the guidance of a good mom usually holds true.

I just hadn't found them yet.




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