Subscribe to this blog's feedMany people ask me how HIV has affected my dating life and say how hard it must be to date with the virus. Honestly, dating was an issue for me way before I contracted HIV. When I was younger, boys did not want to commit and now, men are the same way. I cannot lie; HIV has taken men out of my life who are only focused on sex. Don’t get me wrong: I have dated and been in a few serious relationships—mostly with HIV negative men—since my diagnosis. But it has often been a rough and lonely road.
You see, it’s one thing to be HIV positive—but it’s an entirely different ballpark when you’re open about your status and out in the public eye. I have had issues with both guys who are positive and those who are HIV negative. You might think that I would have better luck with the guys that are HIV positive, but it is the opposite. A lot of times, the positive guys that I try to date are not on the same level as I am when it comes to disclosing their HIV status. Often, their friends and family don’t have a clue that they’re HIV positive. Once, I was madly in love with a guy whose mother would not let us date because the rest of his family did not know that he was positive. She thought that by dating me, his status would be revealed.
As for negative guys, I just don’t know whom to trust. If I am interested in a guy I always disclose my status within hours of meeting him. The majority of them are shocked. One guy even said, “If you did not want to talk to me, that is all that you had to say.” Believe it or not, some guys are still willing to move forward.
At first, I wanted to believe that if I told a man that I was HIV positive, and he still wanted to be involved with me, then he must like me as a person and wants to get to know me better. I found out very quickly that was not always true—just because they’re not worried about my status does not mean that we will have a fairy tale ending. Once I dated a negative man whose father had died from the virus 10 years ago. I thought that he would be more knowledgeable about HIV, but he didn’t know anything. When it came down, he was ashamed of me and the fact that I had HIV. The fact of the matter is that I can have a relationship with an HIV negative person and as long as we practice safe sex, meaning through education, communication and protection, we are good.
I have come to realize that I am only 22 years old, and I have a whole life to live. When I was first diagnosed, I wanted to rush and get married and have a family because I was scared that it would not happen. Not because I was afraid I would die—but because I thought no one could love me with HIV. These days, I am focusing on Marvelyn and trying to make sure that she is the best person that she can be for her and the lucky man that will win her over in the future. So am I dating or waiting? I think I’m doing a bit of both—because I will never pass a GOOD MAN up.
HI MARVELYN,
IT IS REFRESHING TO SEE A HIV-POSITVE PERSON THAT IS POSITVE :) I TOO AM HIV-POSITVE (AT 26, NOW I AM 30). I AM DATING THIS GUY (SORT OF) FOR FIVE YRS NOW. IT HAS BEEN A VERY ROCKY ROAD SINCE DISCOVERING MY STATUS. I USED TO GO TO WOMEN'S GROUPS AND WHILE IT DID HELP A LOT, I STILL FELT ALONE. SEE I WAS THE YOUNGEST PERSON IN THE GRP AND ALL OF THE WOMEN WERE EITHER MARRIED OR HAD PARTNERS (HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL). I WAS AND STILL AM LOST ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. I AM BLESSED THOUGH TO BE HERE, HEALTHY AND STILL LOOKING GOOD.
Hi Marvelyn,
I was just on the net and I was admaried by your ambission for life. I am not Hiv postive but I have a hard time accepting life and my health so for is fine. It's cool how you have the strength to go on daly with your life and be postive. I am from a small town in Ga and no where is really safe. But I would Like it if your not to busy to keep in touch with me just as a friend. I dont feel that you should judge a person for the health race or sexualaty
If God can love us no matter what we should be able to do the same. Stay strong and every thing is going to be OK for you.email me. smd
hi marvelyn,
i was on the web and i saw this article on bet web page.....i am 14 and i live in rochester,New York, i wanted to know if you could give me more info on HIV/AIDS, cause i think there is more to it than teachers are telling us,it is a touchy and uncomfortable subject for them to talk about,but i think that it is an important subject,and most kids that i know that are my age dont know a lot about it eather(well, only the things that the teachers tell us).
i would realy appreciate it
than you,
p.s look me up on myspace please!
I SAW YOUR POST AND I ALSO SEE YOU ON TV. I THINK YOU ARE A STRONG YOUNG WOMAN AND YOU WILL BE OK. I'M DATING THIS WOMAN AND WE BOTH ARE POSTIVE BUT IT NEVER SEEMS TO BOTHER US CAUSE WE TALK ALOT ABOUT IT. IT WAS HARD AT FIRST BUT THE MORE YOU NO THE BETTER OFF YOU ARE ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING. I BEEN POSTIVE SINCE 1996 AND I BEEN DOING WELL EVER SINCE I STARTED GOING TO THE DOCTOR. IF EVER YOU WANT TO TALK I'M AT KIDTREE@SIMFLEX.COM. HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.
I am a 24 year old hetersexual that is hiv positive. The first girl I fell in love with was having sex with someone else and I got hiv from her. I am going to college and taking one day at a time. I am a christian man and know that God has a reason for everything. I always dreamed of getting married and having children so now I am at a loss of words or thoughts about that. I try to date but it is very hard for me to tell anyone I am hiv positive. I have such great support at home with my family, and I think that is what keeps me going, I was blessed with such a great love for God and was blessed with such a great familyl. Keep the faith, and keep up the fight for us that are hetersexual and hiv positive...(It seems that less people understand being hetersexual and hiv positive, more people understand if you are gay and hiv positive but is harder for them to understand or accept me being hetersexual and hiv positive)...
I am 26 and found out I was hiv poz 5 months ago. It has been a long road thus far but I have 2 very awesome people in my life to thank for their support. One is my closest best friend and the other is my boyfriend.
My best friend is my roommate who is an infectious disease nurse. Very useful resource! It was weird, he has only been in nursing for about 2 years and get into the infectious disease practice a few months before I was diagnosed. It was almost like it was meant to be. Without him, his knowledge, and his uplifting spirit, I am unsure of where I would be in life right now.
I cannot even go into words how much I appreciate my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years. Yes, if you are doing math, I became positive within those two years. We had broken up for a week and I made the biggest mistake of my life- I trusted someone else during a one night stand. As you can guess, I learned the biggest lesson of my life. Anyhow, back to the bf, he is great. We got back together after our week break up and things were great. I got sick and thought I had the flu. As we fast forward a little, when I found out it was due to being positive, he stood by my side even after the truth. I do not know many guys to do that! In fact, I cannot think of one right now.
I really appreciate reading your positive (for the lack of a better word) outlook on life and how you are have the courage to keep on truck’n. I find myself trying to keep my head up and awaiting the day I too will have to take meds. I know it is coming and I am doing all the research I can now to be prepared. In reading some of these blogs, I get terrified of all the side effects and negativity some people mention. I guess I just hope for the best, know that God does things for a reason, and that I am not alone in this battle.
Thanks for listening.
J
Kansas City, MO
Hey Marvelynn,
I am 25 years old and I have been positive since 2000. I became depressed when I found out.I felt like God had punished me. I Questioned him, asking "why am i here" I wanted to die in the hospital.I felt my life was over.Everyone felt i needed counseling and honestly at that time of my life,I did.But as stubborn as I am, I refused to and then finally years later i got down on my knees and asked god to HELP ME and he did.Everyday I am stronger then ever before HIV! But i must admit, I have issues with disclosing. My family and Certain friends know but not everyone, I wonder sometimes if this issue is stopping me from growing? i,am trying to stay motivated but the fears of not having a family scares me. I been roaming around this website meeting Guys but in my opinion sex is in their best interest, like i said, my opinion. Do I have the right to be pickey? I have alot of questions for you but until next time,Take Care
H.O.R.N.S.
(Heterosexual Opt Rebirth to Normalized Sexuality)
It seems this topic will disrupt many homes, beliefs and social associations. I am sure G.L.A.D. (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders) will outcry against my view, calling it homophobic or even sinister. However I can no longer stand in my place, like most right winged Americans who are content with individual choices and monolithic practices. The travesty of standing in the smut of isolation, separated from my beliefs as a man is a paradox of gigantic proportions that I simply cannot ignore. The fabric of liberty has always supported many affiliations and their political parades, even if the wings of humility couldn’t support the weight of controversy. Therefore, I hold this truth to be self-evident; never forget the fruit of labor, origins of salvation or the fertile existence of heterosexuality.
Keep in mind; this is not an attack towards lesbians or gays. In fact this comes from the same vessel of acceptance and has echoed through same the halls of emancipation. Fending for what is on the verge of extinction should be a concern for every sexual orientation, political, religious and ethnic persuasion. Shackles of subsistence should unite all of us to this biblical plot of man and woman. Without securing heterosexuality, any means to continue political propaganda, racial upheavals and activists would be less radical or relevant than the great City of Atlantis. America must view its own reflection and consider its complexion for tomorrow.
Looking ahead, should we allow sexism and personal severities edge away our means to exist? Or will thy own verdict be; ‘live by the sword, die by the sword?’ Regardless of sexual intent, one source is true and consistent in spirit and in evolution. Our creation binds us to the ecology we live in. To deny heterosexuality from being the backbone of humanity and our natural implication to life is blasphemy to God and the world that He bestowed. It would unravel the faith and testimony of his word and would make any diabolical contemplation illegitimately sound.
So in order to call truce, I propose this pledge to one and all. Lay down your hatred and disgruntled animosities. Release thy selfish infractions and embrace what is yours and mine. Accept your anniversary of life and claim your true liberty. Pick up that almighty H.O.R.N.S. of salvation and blew into it heavily. Security of your birthright is your obligation. Celebrate where you’ve come from and how your origin began. Besides, this is one of few truths we all have in common.
Hey Marvelynn, I am so so glad that you told your story in such detail , because most woman who are HIV positive ,and do not have a family that is all that they want whenever they find out that they are positive. I know for me my moment was when I was told by the DR. that I was HIV positive,and he did not get a reaction from me .He was shocked. I think at that point in time all I could think about was that I am 25 yrs old,in school, no children,no husband.I felt like was life was over until I became more educated about HIV, How it is transmitted ,who are at risk and things of that nature.Where I live when you are diagnosed at my clinic your are required to attend a HIV 101&102 workshop to became educated about HIV before you can start therapy.I just want you to know that you have a great story ,and it is stories like yours,and mine that need to be heard by our youth ,and adults.Stay strong ,and continue to be blessed.
Hey Marvelynn, I want you to know i thank you for your story. I saw you on 106 & park a while back and read your story in poz. Our story is alike in alot of ways,But i would like to know a few more things that helped you get though all of this and made you the strong and beautiful woman i've ever read about. Your story hit me like a ton of bricks and i needed to hear that.Please i would love to talk to you .if you ever get a chance and anyone else that read this comment please feel free to email me: mz_coco16@yahoo.com
Hei Marvelynn
You are such a strong young woman. Keep it up. I have been poz for 10 years now and you comfort, and give courage to some of us who do not have. Good Luck in your daily needs
Lido
hi marvelynn you inspire me so much i can relate to you in so many way i don't know whwer to begin i feel so lonly so if you or any one elese want to talk i'm at tonicka@sbcglobal.net so hit me i have so many questions.
Hi Marvelyn,
I met you a few years back and had the honor of presenting you with an award (The Tarsha Durant Community Service Award)at the Ryan White Youth Conference in Nashville, TN. Since then, I have seen and read about you in various publications. Marvelyn, the work you are doing is so important and has such a profound impact on individuals both HIV positive as well as those who are negative. The Tarsha Durant Award, named in honor of my former client, could not have gone to a more deserving individual. I often get request for individuals who are HIV positive and willing to engage in public speaking. Whenever these request come I think of you. I would love to stay in contact with you. Please get in contact with me @ (202)476-2722.