Subscribe to this blog's feedFirst and foremost, let’s just say that the “Down Low” phrase is overrated. And I especially take it personal when people blame the Down Low for the high rate of infection in Black women. You see I have two problems with that. First, it is bringing HIV back to a “gay man’s disease”, which that statement was never true, and then, it takes the responsibility completely off the woman. Look. As a woman living with HIV, I’ve learned this: at the time that the sexual encounter took place when I contracted HIV, absolutely nothing else was important except me protecting myself. Not his sexual orientation, nor his HIV status. I cannot blame him. I cannot blame my parents, my schools or TV. At the end of the day, I couldn’t blame anybody but myself.
I decided to do a google search on this “down low” phenomenon, and I came across this interesting site: www.InfidelityAdvice.com. I was tickled when I learned that a lady had created a “Down Low Dozen Tip Sheet”, which included tips like, “suspicious non-verbal communication with other men” - a look, a touch, or hug that lasts a little too long or has undertones of intimacy -- and my favorite: ”spends more time with his male friends than with you.” Please note she said the signs would only appear if, and when, he is cheating with another man. What kind of secret powers do she got? Oh, and I almost forgot that she had a very important announcement.
“VERY IMPORTANT:
From the time you first begin to suspect that your husband or boyfriend may be on the down low, until you have solid proof that he is not,
PRACTICE SAFE SEX FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION.
Your life and health are at stake!
You are at risk for heterosexually contracted HIV/AIDS and a host of other sexually transmitted diseases if your husband or boyfriend is having unprotected sex with other men. Please, for your own sake, do not take this information lightly!
HIV/AIDS is no joke!
Protect yourself.
Safeguard your health.
Do not become another HIV/AIDS statistic!”
WOW! Is she serious? Her first sentence was “until you have solid proof that he is not, PRACTICE SAFE SEX FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION.” A person should practice safe sex whether their husband/boyfriend is on the down low or not. The only thing she said that I agree with is “safeguard your health.” But then her “urgent” message gets even worse. “You are at risk for heterosexually contracted HIV/AIDS and a host of other sexually transmitted diseases if your husband or boyfriend is having unprotected sex with other men?” Is she sure about that? I mean she can’t be 100% correct. For one, she said “men,” when that word should clearly be singular. It only takes one time, one man. Not to mention she left out the other gender, yes women… or should I say ‘woman’. Newsflash, “expert”. HIV is passed through oral, anal and vaginal sex and sharing ALL needles. HIV does not discriminate on gender, religion, ethnicity, income, age or education. Next time you want to write about HIV, do your research. Go to poz.com and get the facts first.
Hey I love the comments you made.
I have worked on HIV in Jail populations...and the reality about HIV infection patters in Black and Hispanic communities has nothing to do with promiscuious women or men....it has everything to do with the SAD REALITY that the BLACK RELIGIOUS LEADERS HAVE DONE NOTHING TO HELP THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE DISEASE.
If there is any fault...it is with society at large. Not any sub-group.
Any women that feels her sexual companion is not exclusive...then she must take action to protect herself.
What is your opinion about Black Churchs and Black Preachers who ignore the reality of this disease and its dramatic societal AFFECT?
Itay Seigel
theguyitay@gmail.com
you know what's implied by the woman though. "since my man isn't on the dl i'm safe". seems like her missive is a way of maladaptively coping with a very real worry AND with a reluctance to practice safer sex on a regular basis.
god forbid a man step out of prescribed gender roles and show affection to a friend! whatever!
I met a lady once via pozpersonals who was a fervent believer that women could not infect men, had all types of proof, evidence, and when I showed her links too women serving time in Florida department of corrections for criminal HIV transmission, she got totally angry and ranted and raved, seems like in all things in society whether it be HIV or Crime, poverty, etc, some people have too have someone or something too blame, it does matter if over 95% of HIV infections in Africa can be attributed too heterosexual sex, there will always be a segment of society who feel better blaming gays, drug addicts, etc, when facts and statistics show differently one cannot convince those who are dead set on their view, all one can do is pity them.., since if someone who is HIV negative takes this view and believes if they just investigate their lovers sexual preferences they can avoid this illness they truly are in for a rude awakening, one day..! I quit trying too argue with anyone on this subject, like those who believe disclosure and dating the HIV negative is easy, it might be for some, especially those who have no kids as I do, with a young 9 year old bi-racial son, I avoid dating anyone HIV negative, for his sake not mine, since for me the risk of disclosure and all that headache is either the person says "thank you but no thank you" and moves on and respects your privacy or they instead "tell the world" and then your kids have too suffer the stigma of having others tell their kids too not play with that little boy, even though he is HIV negative it will not matter, just like those who believe its a gay disease you cannot convince the die hards who have made up their minds.., and even though I know there are people who are HIV- & HIV+ mated, one has too worry if the relationship ends will the HIV- one decide in anger, bitterness of a romantic breakup/divorce too use your HIV+ status as a lever too gain advantage in divorce, or worse vendetta in court case accusing you of not disclosing your status, my view for those who date the HIV- get a written notorized document you disclosed, like a pre-nupital, it might not be romantic but it surely will save one much heart ache down the road with USA divorce rate at 50% plus..! Thats just my view and opinon and I know the old saying exists everyone has one..! :-)
PEOPLE CAN BE RUDE...WETHER YOU HAVE HIV, OR CANCER OR DIABETES, I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED OF TAKING THEIR MEDICATION, BUT OF COURSE THERE ARE IGNORRANT AND NOSY PEOPLE OUT THERE ALWAYS TRYING TO BRING SOMEBODY DOWN.
I posted earlier and didnt get much response so here goes the added info.
Women between the ages of 15-35 are much more likely to be HIV+ than their male counterparts in the USA EXCLUDING THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION OF THE INDIVIDUALS according to the CDC report of December 2007.
Black and Hispanic women are the highest increasing rate of HIV conversion...aka Black and Hispanic women are getting HIV by converting from HIV- to HIV+ at the rate of approximately 45% vs. the white women population whose rate is 9-11%
That converts to 1 in 2 black and hispanic women are HIV+ vs white women who are 1 in 10 are HIV+. Asian women are approximately 2% or 2 out of every 100.
WOMEN WAKE UP AND PROTECT YOURSELF! Use the Female condom AND demand that the man use a CONDOM EVERY TIME! You do not control his every move and you should suspect that he may bring home a sexually transmitted disease! The best way to do it is by using the FEMALE CONDOM (http://www.avert.org/femcond.htm) or the male condom that is not a natural product (no lambskin...use latex or silicone condoms) since they do not allow HIV to be transmitted when used correctly, they stop all STD's and are 99% effective!