Michelle's POZ Blog

Let me introduce myself. In the Forums, I am known as Queen Akasha, the outspoken one. In the real world, folks call me Michelle. I am 38 years old, Black and Puerto Rican female who hails from Pennsylvania. I consider myself to be a laid back type of person really, but I’m known to speak my mind and at times I’m a bit blunt. I guess you can say that I am a homebody, not because of being poz, but simply because I have kind of been out there when it comes to partying. I’ve just chosen to live a quiet life nowadays. I don't really see much out there anymore that interests me.

Like any other person, I do have hobbies which consist of collecting movies and Playstation 2 games. Yes, females are into gaming if you didn't know. I prefer to play role playing games (RPGs) such as Final Fantasy and Resident Evil. The movies I collect consist of anything from horror to gangster movies.

I also spend a bit of time online, sometimes too much time, but most of it is spent in the Forums. I have been a member there now for a little over a year. The Forums are like my means of support and I’ve made quite a few friends since being there. I think I actually came across it like most - by doing a search - and I haven't left since. Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't happen to come across them. There is not much in the way of support groups here where I am.

Now on to my story.

My bug comes from the Sunshine State or Miami, Florida, to be exact. I found out I was poz after going to the Health Dept for my usual STD check up after moving back home from Florida. This was around August of 1997 and at the time, I was living with my oldest sister. After doing the usual std tests, I never went back to the Health Dept to find out my results because when I was in Florida, I found out through a co-worker that my partner at the time was poz. I guess I just knew but didn't want to know, so the Health Dept came to me.

Like most who receive the dreaded news, I was in tears and because of this, I had to tell my older sister. That night, my sisters and I were suppose to be going out for a few drinks. My oldest sister suggested that I tell my other sister, which was against my better judgement because I didn't really get along with my other sister all that well. But, I figured, what the hell, maybe it will be the bond that will bring us closer together. I couldn't have been more wrong about that. Instead, my other sister used it as ammunition against me, telling anyone who knew me that would listen. But that is a story for another time.

The Health Dept put me in touch with my ASO and I was assigned a case manager. But even though they did that and I got my ID doctor, I barely made the clinic appointments. My case manager had to literally bribe me with food vouchers to make the appointments. After awhile, he weaned me off the food vouchers and I started going to the appointments on my own. I actually became quite fond of my case manager, who was gay, and could be quite comfortable around him. Comfortable to the point that we would cuss each other out, fondly, of course - not your typical case manager/client relationship - but it worked for me. He would actually share things about his life and I would do the same with him. I became quite fond of him and I like to think he became just as fond of me. His name was Jeff, but unfortunately, he passed away in an airplane crash back in 2005. I miss him dearly.

I have never lost anyone close to me from AIDS as many have, but I consider myself to be blessed or lucky. Not sure which, really, because it is now 2007 and after ten years without the meds, I had to start them recently in September. I am currently on Atripla and Ziagen. On Halloween, I had my last clinic appointment and around the beginning of November, I found out that my cd4 had gone from 215 to 265, my percentage jumped from 14 to 19 and my viral load went from 16,590 to undetectable. Personally, I don't believe in luck so I consider myself to be blessed. I have learned to never question my blessings and to just accept them.