Michelle's POZ Blog

I am feeling a little better. The tears are done but I still can't stop thinking about Rico. I spent most of last night talking on the phone to my b.f.f. (best friend forever) about the situation. I wanted to get input from the person who knows me better than anyone. We broke down the whole affair between Rico and me. And she also doesn't understand how he could pass up a good woman to try to be with someone who doesn't want him. She knows me so well that she immediately told me not to blame myself. It was exactly what I was doing. She also knew that as I hadn't been involved with anyone for over two years, it was something that really hurt me. Before we knew it, it was three AM; we ended our conversation so she could go to bed. But sleep still eluded me.

There was nothing on TV so I got on my laptop and started looking up Capricorn traits. I am into stuff like that because I am Pagan. I thought maybe I could find some answers there. It stated a lot of things that were true about me such as:

# A Capricorn woman loves from heart. You will not tell people about your love, sometimes not even to the person you love. You shall like simple people with simple lifestyles. You develop strong emotional love for your man and are very sincere and true in your relationships.

# Being a practical woman, you do not daydream about romance or involve yourself in casual flings or non serious relationships.

# As you are systematic and organised, you can easily control your desires. You are calm and composed from outside, even if inside your heart you are brimming with desire.

# Your naturalness and desire to rise above the ordinary keeps you a bit aloof but you can be more passionate then other females. You can be ignited by a simple caress.

So, what is wrong with those traits? I have come to the conclusion that I seem to draw men who either like being dogged or prefer smuts. Don’t any men appreciate these traits anymore? Is everything based on a good fuck or how much money a person has? It then goes on to say:

* You have a strong ability to think and you can understand the human nature the way no one else does.

* You also have the ability to analyse and understand any concept well and shall possess a good memory. Therefore you will prove good at all professions that require analytical thinking and understanding.

* The Capri woman also has the tendency to postpone her actions until the time she is able to clearly see the consequences of what she does.

With how the world is today, I really feel like I don't fit in or I am some type of relic. I haven't given up on love but I am feeling a bit jaded and unappreciated. I wonder; is there anyone out there who can relate or even begin to understand me?