Michelle's POZ Blog

Wow i justlove your blog..sound like me..lol, just wanted to let you know theres a bunch of us out there and your not alone..Depression ..hiv.. being alone..wow.. stack it up and you have yourself a great wall to climb.. Karl from Sc kute_in_myrtle poz personal id..for picture and story..but mine is alot like yours..stay at it..

How can you NOT disclose to someone before you have sex wiith them! People complain about the stigma with HIV. Isnt hiding the fact you are HIV+ from the ones you have sex with just adding to that stigma. Makes some wonder if you are ashamed or think yourself dirty since you wont disclose. Before you tell me to "get off my high horse" I am a HIV+ female and I never have sex with anyone without telling them im HIV+. Sure i have been rejected from a few but its their problem not mine. At least I give them the chance to decide for themselves and they know alot more about HIV than they did before...i think thats a good thing. With not disclosing you are being selfish and only thinking of yourself. What a shallow person! You say that you dont disclose because your sisters betrayed you and disclosed your status. Well they couldnt have told very many since not many know of your status. I think that is just a cop out on your part.

I hope that therapy will help you because you need a lot of help!

Last time I checked, I wasn't getting any financial help from any one...

And you work where?

I hope you guys that responded don't mind but I am going to respond to all of you in one comment, it saves time....

Karl-- Thanks, it's good to know there is at least one person out there who can relate to me. I appreciate your kind words.

Onlyone--- In no way do I think I am dirty or ashamed of myself. I admit I use to but then I got over that kind of thinking. The person who infected me did not disclose and I can understand why nor do I fault him for it.I should have been responsible. There has been times when I have disclosed but very few. I usually test the waters by bringing up the topic of hiv and see where the other person's mindset is and I make my decision from there. Last I knew it takes 2 to tango and even if I choose not to disclose, the other person should be responsible for their own well being, should they not?

I am glad you have come across people who were well educated on hiv unfortunately I have not. When I do talk about hiv with potential partners I share the information I do know and even with doing that most still choose to go unprotected. I think I am doing the right thing by at least insisting on having a condom used and if they don't have one, I do. Though I may not disclose, I am at least responsible and I have yet to have a condom break.

Thanks for you opinion and judgmental attitude. I'll be sure to mention you at my therapy session.

Blu---- And your point is what exactly?

Michelle,

What's happening? I was talking on the phone with someone from the forums and they asked me if I commented on your blogs, so I had to come see what it was they were talking about.

Guess what? I think there are more than just one Thomas in this world, however there is only one skeebo.

Since I am here though may I take the liberty to comment on your last three blogs? I'll take your inability to reply as a YES.

Disclosure is always a HOT topic. I had issues in the beginning with how I was infected and the lack of disclosure used. It sucked.. I didn't want to be HIV positive, didn't ask for it, but then again neither did anyone else including the person who infected me. It was my responsibilty though and I definitely cannot say I was ignorant about the potential consequences. No I had chosen to roll the dice and, well, I lost.

I do know disclosure is something I cannot honestly give a biased opinion on because of my choices to date only positive women. That pretty much wipes the problem out for me entirely and now that I am happily married I hope it never comes into my life again.

I will say this though, if it is someone you want to really get serious with, I would disclose because I would think that as the two of you spent some time together and really got to know each other it would be increasingly difficult to cover the issue of deceit.

It's like coming clean with someone after they thought you were up front with them along. Hard for some to get over... and that's why I never chose to deal with the shit and just date my own kind...lol. That sounds so bad... I never was a politically correct person though.

Go twist a blunt and join me... enjoy a lil Judy Mowatt to keep the mood chill (link below):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ04vX_R5c4

Skeebo

Thomas,

Congrats on you getting married. I am not sure but I was positive that the prior comment left was by you. I thought it was your email address since we use to talk on Yahoo Messenger. I sent you an email with the email address that I thought was yours. I will await your response to my email.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. It was like talking to you in the forums. You are missed.

Skeebo--The Real Thomas,

I am glad we got that all cleared up. Thanks for letting me know what is going on. I took your advice and twisted one up in celebration of you getting married.. :) Now I got Eminem's song, 'Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up" stuck in my head. Know that it is not directed at you but the person who is perpetrating...:p

Had you considered that there may actually be another man on this planet named Thomas?

Just Me----

Damn, weren't you the one saying something about having something productive to do? Don't you have anything productive to do other than trying to find fault with every little thing I say? I know there is more than one Thomas in the world but I recognized the email addy as being the Thomas that I know. And since I have spoken to Thomas, why is it any concern of yours? Oh, let me guess, that's right, your comment is considered, dialogue, huh? I have edited the blog and added a comment addressed to Thomas and the one hiding behind his name. Give it a rest, you're beginning to make yourself look like an ass.

I could be mean, but I'll refrain.

I appreciate it. I realize how hard that must be for you. But may I suggest since you seem to have so much to contribute to my blog that you start one of your own if you haven't already. And should you accept my advice and start one of your own, feel free to send me the link. I would love to pay it a visit.

My point… simply that as a recipient of public money for a long list of social services it’s insulting to many the way you flaunt your cannabis usage. No matter how you parse the topic marijuana is illegal. No matter how you choose to perceive your doctors silence with regards to pot, it’s unlawful. The lack of medical censure does not equate approval.

If you truly need support services to survive, so be it. But the money you receive isn’t created out of thin air; it’s hard earned by working society. It’s a fair and realistic social pact to expect that the graciousness of society not be squandered on illicit drugs. If you want to be the “Queen of Green” then use the fruits of your own labor to do so. Either that or keep a lid on it and quit shoving your drug habit, that we’re paying for, in our faces.

Blu---

I stand corrected, which rarely happens..LOL..You make a very valid point. I could whine about freedom of speech..yada, yada or be petulant and say well, it's my blog and I can say what I damn well please but I won't. I will refrain from flaunting my love of smoking the good green. In this comment, will be the last time you see me mention it. I think I will even start a jar just for that purpose, if I bring up weed, I will contribute to the jar. It's not going to be easy mind you but it may just help me to save up for something nice. I didn't know it offended anyone honestly. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. You don't happen to be in the forums, do you? *smiles*

I worked hard and long hours my entire life, raising my kids by myself, paying my taxes, and doing all the things life (society) expects. When this disease took me down, I earned my right for my disability. I was the “working society” and I paid my share into Social Security, and will not accept the fact that “by the graciousness of society” that I receive a monthly check. It’s my money, and no one has the right to tell me what to “squander” it on. This money does come from the “fruits of my own labor” many years of it. Its insurance the working society pays into. Like medical insurance a working person pays for, they don’t pay full price for medical care, they rely on insurance to pay. Don’t ever be ashamed for what you worked for, you have paid your dues.

It’s sad to see your loss of support, and encouragement for the change of marijuana laws by not speaking up anymore. In a time when vending machines for the green have appeared, it’s obvious that it will soon lose its tag of “illicit drug.” Maybe you should use your jar for each time that you spread the word, of how your use for medical marijuana has helped in your battle with this disease. I bet you will get something nice, a lot sooner.

Bob----

Thank You for your support. You have a valid point too. I have earned my disability too. I wasn't like some who never had job and used the system and it's services for an income instead of getting off their asses and work. I've had jobs from waitressing to landscaping actually. I held down a job until my doctor told me I needed to go on disability. I should be able to talk about weed all I want to. I do support that weed should be made legal and I have heard about those vending machines. Too bad they won't make it here to Pennsylvania..*smiles*. If they were to, my connect would definitely lose my money!!!!

Sorry Blu, I'm with Bob on this one. I have paid my dues. I guess I was just trying to make you happy, what was I thinking? But in honor of you, Blu, I will still keep the bank going. I deserve something nice. And I have contributed to it already.

LOL...you are a joke. Just how many years did you work and pay into the system??? I think you used up all you paid in within the first month or two. Thanks for the laugh!

Onlyone---

Just like a bad rash, I knew you would be back. If you must know I started working when I was 16 years old. Yep, I was supporting my weed habit back then, ain't I something. I continued working up until I was 34 years old, I am now 39. I think that qualifies me to be able to talk about my smoking all that I want. And since I have been collecting disability for about 5 years that still leaves me 18 years to continue to talk about my smoking and spend my hard earned disability money on some good green.

I am glad you get a laugh from my comments, I get one from your replies as well. Since you seem to like my jokes stick around, there's more to come. I'm here all day everyday. There must be something about me you like, you keep coming back or is it because you want to have the last word? Sorry sweetie, you can't win there, it's my blog and I'll always have the last word and the last laugh. I give you an A for effort though....*wink, wink*

If you all have a problem with her and people like her being on disability here's an idea. Quit your jobs and go become a person who sits on the disability review board. That way you can turn down all deaf people who have AIDS to boot.

Quit defending yourself Queen. You only have to answer to one person and that is you.

Queen dont even bother with some of these people..A bunch of nitpickers...