Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join

I tried and WTF?


By now I think everyone who has been following my blog knows my issues with disclosure. So, I am not going to rehash it. Even with knowing how I feel about it, people have called me shallow and selfish for not allowing the other person to have a choice in the matter. And I could even relate to how they felt considering I never was given the choice either despite their insults. I took it all into consideration when I started dating Kevin. I had made up my mind that since I was not ready to disclose that I would not engage in any sex. It would strictly be about getting to know each other and when I felt the time was right I would disclose. Thus, he would be given a choice.

I swear it is funny how things happen. I had not heard from Kevin all last week then unexpectedly I get a call from him on Monday night. I had given him a time limit and if I had not heard from him then I would just cut my losses. I had gotten the call before the time expired so I wrote it off. During our conversation on the phone, I had made it clear to him that it wasn't about sex with me. I explained that I wanted someone who was willing to get to know me and that the sexual side would come later.If it was meant to come at all after disclosing. I don't like to try to plan those things or make a date. After I said all this, Kevin said he understood and even agreed but was still trying to get me to spend the night at his house. I declined explaining that I felt it was too soon for that. We have only been knowing each other a month if that. We agreed to get together today.

He arrives to pick me up while leaving a message with some doctor's office complaining about how poorly he was treated in regards to an infection he had acquired. I know what it was because he said it but will not mention it here. I will just say I have seen it discussed in the forums and it gave me reason to be concerned. But before allowing myself to go into a panic right then, I figured I would just wait and see if he would discuss it with me while we were watching the Resident Evil movies I had brought from home.

We watched the movies and all of a sudden he was trying to peel my clothes off. Hold up, wait a minute!!!!---- I could've sworn we had the conversation about getting to know me and all that. But here he is trying to get me naked. I firmly told him it wasn't happening. Now he wants to discuss why it isn't going to happen. WTF? Who the hell was I talking to on the phone last night? I could've sworn it was him. Then I get a flashback of the conversation he was having when he picked me up. Once again, I am like WTF? I know or should say I assume he isn't poz but I think homeboy should be doing a bit of disclosing on his own. And then he had to go and say some shit that really put the nail in the coffin. He had to mention buying some Coronas and some cigs. Soon as the words came out his mouth I became livid. Everybody say it with me now, WTF? I didn't ask him to buy me cigs or buy the Coronas, he chose to do that and because he did, I am suppose to give him some ass!?!

Stick a fork in me, I was done. I asked him to take me home. He wanted to act like he didn't hear me and lay on the bed beside me. I asked again and got ignored again. I wasn't waiting on a third time, I started text messaging my son and asked him to pick me up. My son was there in under five minutes and I was gone.

Not to worry, I am not going to fall into a deep depression about another relationship or beginning of one gone bad. But I can't help but feel discouraged. I can't help but to ask why stuff like this keeps happening? I am a very straight forward woman. I speak my mind so that there can be no misunderstandings. What gives? I tried to go about things the right way and it still backfired on me.


Show Comment(s)

Comments on Michelle Kenney's blog entry "I tried and WTF?"

he is an a**hole. u deserve better

hmmmm perhaps it's your taset in men....I'll take some time later to respond in a proper fashion.

taste.....rather than taset. I'm not sure what a taset is...however if men did have one it I would have it removed.

Just Me---

To be honest, this was a new experience for me with this guy. It was the first time I tried to date outside of my race and he is five years older than me. And I'll wait on your response later because I want to know what you mean by my taste in men. I didn't meet him at some hole in the wall bar or something. My bff hooked me up with him due to what she thought we had in common.


Thanks for the comment. I am beginning to think maybe there is something in the water over here in N.W. Pennsylvania...*LOL*

Why would you expect him to disclose something when you dont?


In this case, it didn't have anything to do with me disclosing anything. I do believe I mentioned that with this guy, I was going to go about it from the popular belief that the person should be given a choice and disclose to him eventually. There's that pesky thing called timing on my part.

Another reason I guess I figured he was going to disclose is the fact that I was present for most of the conversation and knew he was speaking about himself and not someone else.

Considering he is in the medical field, I just thought that was something he would do. But then what was I thinking? This was the same man who was ready to do the deed without a condom. I may not have disclosed but I did play safe and stayed with condoms.

And like I said, I was trying to go about things in what is considered to be the right and unselfish way. Now that I think about it, wasn't it YOU who called me selfish and shallow for not disclosing? And since you decided to speak up, I am curious to know what you would call him since he is in the medical field and I am sure educated on the subject of hiv. And considering he had an infection that could've been given to me and he would've passed it to me without batting an eye.

One's taste in men is one's taste in men. It's doesn't matter if you've been intoduced by a friend, or picked up on in some hole in the wall. As for new experience, I'm not sure what you mean besides the fact of him being of a different race and older. The fact of the mater is a corrupt moral bearing is irrelevant to race or age. Keeping in mind that I don't know you, and can only base my assumptions on the blog entries: you seem to attract a certain type of person. The men in your life seem to share that specific trait. They're characters are seriously flawed and you seem to overlook them. Take an introspective look and I'm sure you'll agree. From your accounts, there is not one decent trait you have written.I try to not judge and take a more academic approach when reading these blogs, and forums. I am not in your shoes, and am missing too much data to give an expository essay on any issue of your life........however you need to better analyze the type of man you allow into your life. I will refrain from commenting on disclosure issue, but had the person who infected you, disclosed, your world would have been drastically different. Also, had you been a better "judge of character" you may again, have had a drastically different life.....not being infected.

Just Me---

I will agree with you on one point that I seem to attract men with some character flaws. As to why that is, I am feeling like you are saying that I get these men because I myself have some type of character flaw. Is this what you are saying? I am going to take it like it is and go from there.

I do not feel that there is anyone on this planet who does not have some type of character flaw, yourself included. And from our various debates, I get the impression that you feel as though you are without fault or flaws and though you try to come across as not being judgemental, you are.Unlike you, I feel our flaws or imperfections make us who we are and each person is unique.

And am I to understand that you are saying that it is my fault that I have become infected and due to my poor judgement, I deserve being infected? It sure seems like you are saying that to me. The person who infected me did not disclose to me but even if he did, I would've stayed with him. And how can you pass judgement on him and not even know anything about the man? It seems to me you are doing a lot of assuming. For someone who seems to come across as being very educated, you also come across as being very ignorant.

no it's not at all what I wrote.

Now that I'll have more time to respond, I'll clarify. I was commenting on the flaws of the men you choose...Though I agree that we all have flaws, myself included, some have serious character flaws that can be categorized as deviant...before you come to any conclusions, I am not calling you a deviant. Though I don't know the details of the realtionship beteeen you and the man that infected you, his not disclosing, and then choosing to have unprotected sex with you is a deviant character flaw. In some states, it's considered criminal in fact. That being said, I in no terms whatsoever am...or have blamed you at all for becoming infected. It's insulting to even think that I would dare blame someone who was infected in your situation. Had he disclosed beforehand, and you then choose to stay with him, is not an issue. It's a choice between 2 adults, though the deviancy title I bestow on him (not you) is because he in fact did not disclose, and furthermore had inproteced sex with you. He in many states is a criminal for this alone. I am not passing judgement on hom, the law is. If there is a higher being, he would be as well. Ignorance is lack of understanding, I don't proclaom to understand much in this world, but I do understand integrity, and that man lacks it.

Oh yes, I also wanted to state a couple of more things. First, ignore my typos (I'm lazy, and don't proofread), second, and more importantly...I admire your composure in life, though it may have dealt you more than a few bad hands. I've read about your depressions, and I have no idea of what you're going through, but you are a strong indivdual and should be proud......just reconsider the weed.

Leave a comment



My Favorite Links

Subscribe to Blog

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Michelle published on February 26, 2008 10:16 PM.

I want to be a WWE Diva..... was the previous entry in this blog.

We got our own Ya- Ya going on........ is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.



The opinions expressed by the bloggers and by people providing comments are theirs alone. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Smart + Strong and/or its employees.

Smart + Strong is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information contained in the blogs or within any comments posted to the blogs.

© 2016 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved. Terms of use and Your privacy