By now I think everyone who has been following my blog knows my issues with disclosure. So, I am not going to rehash it. Even with knowing how I feel about it, people have called me shallow and selfish for not allowing the other person to have a choice in the matter. And I could even relate to how they felt considering I never was given the choice either despite their insults. I took it all into consideration when I started dating Kevin. I had made up my mind that since I was not ready to disclose that I would not engage in any sex. It would strictly be about getting to know each other and when I felt the time was right I would disclose. Thus, he would be given a choice.
I swear it is funny how things happen. I had not heard from Kevin all last week then unexpectedly I get a call from him on Monday night. I had given him a time limit and if I had not heard from him then I would just cut my losses. I had gotten the call before the time expired so I wrote it off. During our conversation on the phone, I had made it clear to him that it wasn't about sex with me. I explained that I wanted someone who was willing to get to know me and that the sexual side would come later.If it was meant to come at all after disclosing. I don't like to try to plan those things or make a date. After I said all this, Kevin said he understood and even agreed but was still trying to get me to spend the night at his house. I declined explaining that I felt it was too soon for that. We have only been knowing each other a month if that. We agreed to get together today.
He arrives to pick me up while leaving a message with some doctor's office complaining about how poorly he was treated in regards to an infection he had acquired. I know what it was because he said it but will not mention it here. I will just say I have seen it discussed in the forums and it gave me reason to be concerned. But before allowing myself to go into a panic right then, I figured I would just wait and see if he would discuss it with me while we were watching the Resident Evil movies I had brought from home.
We watched the movies and all of a sudden he was trying to peel my clothes off. Hold up, wait a minute!!!!---- I could've sworn we had the conversation about getting to know me and all that. But here he is trying to get me naked. I firmly told him it wasn't happening. Now he wants to discuss why it isn't going to happen. WTF? Who the hell was I talking to on the phone last night? I could've sworn it was him. Then I get a flashback of the conversation he was having when he picked me up. Once again, I am like WTF? I know or should say I assume he isn't poz but I think homeboy should be doing a bit of disclosing on his own. And then he had to go and say some shit that really put the nail in the coffin. He had to mention buying some Coronas and some cigs. Soon as the words came out his mouth I became livid. Everybody say it with me now, WTF? I didn't ask him to buy me cigs or buy the Coronas, he chose to do that and because he did, I am suppose to give him some ass!?!
Stick a fork in me, I was done. I asked him to take me home. He wanted to act like he didn't hear me and lay on the bed beside me. I asked again and got ignored again. I wasn't waiting on a third time, I started text messaging my son and asked him to pick me up. My son was there in under five minutes and I was gone.
Not to worry, I am not going to fall into a deep depression about another relationship or beginning of one gone bad. But I can't help but feel discouraged. I can't help but to ask why stuff like this keeps happening? I am a very straight forward woman. I speak my mind so that there can be no misunderstandings. What gives? I tried to go about things the right way and it still backfired on me.