Subscribe to this blog's feedAs I have mentioned in past entries, I have an issue with trusting people. The reason for this is because of people burning me in the past when I put my trust in them. This just doesn't go for past relationships but a marriage that was doomed from the beginning as well as family betrayal. And if you can't trust your own family who can you trust? I really don't like being this way but it has become more of a defense mechanism to me. Or as the saying goes,"You fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."
There was a topic started in the forums called, "Where are all the poz men at?" It's been getting hits from gay men, women, and the occasional hetero guy. And it is a good question, where are they at? Being that I have pretty much turned into a hermit, I don't see them much. I no longer do the bar scene and enjoy the comforts of being at home. And quite honestly the men in my town leave a lot to be desired. I'm not basing it on just looks but other things like personality, honesty, or whether they are just interested in sex. At first, I tried to be open minded and just go with keeping it about the sex with no strings attached. But that didn't last long because I wanted to be more than just a piece of ass.
After giving it some thought and trying not to let the past hinder me, I decided to restart my ad on Poz Personals, updated one on OBC(also known as Online Booty Call), it is what it is, and one other one. I did the profile on OBC awhile ago too just for the record but every so often someone will hit me up. But nothing has ever come of it. I would have to say it is mainly my fault. What can I say? I lose interest when a person only hits me up with one liners and most of them usually are lame as hell.......NEXT!!!!! And what made me pull my ad on Poz Personals was when I came across a scammer and the fact that there were hardly any men that lived close enough to me to see. There was only one guy on there that could've been my soul mate or sometimes we both thought so about the other. But he died last November. We lost touch because of an arguement about him adhering to his meds and til this day, that still bothers me.
And this go around, I am definitely calling the shots. After what I have gone through in the past with relationships, I feel I have earned the right to. I'm not looking to get married or shack up with someone.He needs to be independent and have his own place. I'm not looking for anyone who is living with their parents. I think everyone deserves their space and I want mine. And the other person deserves to have theirs. I don't need to be with anyone twenty-four/ seven, all I ask is that I get some time, it's negotiable on what days. But if it is my time then nothing else should interfere with that unless it's some type of family emergency and I am not willing to compromise when it comes to his boys. I want someone who is willing to treat me like a Queen because if I am feeling him, I would consider him, my King. And anything that I am asking, I am willing to do in return.
Comments (16)
Sounds like a very sad existance.
You live in fear.
Learn to live without shame guilt or fear!
Give all that You give unconditionally
That way when You do not get what
You wanted by giving You will not be hurt.
I come to all open and with kindness.
You are in effect creating
the reaction response you fear.
I feel sorry for people who live as you do.
very very sad. to be one who is afraid to live.
Posted by Dennie Ray | May 21, 2008 10:30 AM
Posted on May 21, 2008 10:30
was that an attempt at Haiku?? Tell me it wasn't because it was terrible. What's wrong with people these days....Michelle..I'm still in Thesis land but when I'm done I have plenty to say.
Posted by justme | May 21, 2008 10:44 AM
Posted on May 21, 2008 10:44
Michelle, I totally agree with you. It does get really hard to trust a lot of people. When I was on Poz Personals, I ran into a lot of people who left a lot to be desired as far as personality and respect for themselves and others. One person got mad because I told him that I like to go for walks!!! He also liked to smoke a lot of weed and that was something that I'm not into. Others just wanted sex and that's not me either. I have decided not to give up completely though because I do feel that there is someone out there for me, I just have to be patient. I just hope that it's sooner than later.
Posted by Loretta | May 21, 2008 11:26 AM
Posted on May 21, 2008 11:26
Ok, I will be addressing everyone in one comment. It was nice to see the responses, I was not expecting any actually.
Dennie--
I do not live in fear, my past experiences have made me cautious. If you make a mistake, do you keep making a mistake or do something to correct it? In the past, I would settle for anyone who paid me a compliment which landed me dealing with the wrong type of men. I don't have a problem loving someone unconditionally if I feel they deserve it. When I have opened my heart to someone, it has been stomped on and pretty much handed back to me. And where do you see that I am feeling guilty, I don't think I said that at all, that is purely speculation on your part. Nor is there anything I feel guilty about.
Just Me--
I was not making an attempt at haiku. And this is not an english course, I am asking for suggestions about dating or someone's experience. You are the only person I know who has to take days to leave a comment. You seem to take pleasure in putting me down when you have the chance, trust me it would be easier to just comment without the constant criticism. It would be nice if you would share a bit of yourself in your responses instead of trying to find fault with my entries.
Loretta--Thanks for your input and your experience on Poz Personals. It seems that I am not alone in my thinking. I try not to give up and still hopes that my Prince will come. He needs to hurry the hell up though...*LOL*
Posted by Michelle | May 21, 2008 1:20 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 13:20
Michelle, Haiku is Japanese single line poetry consisting of 5, then 7, then 5 syllables, it seems Dennie was making some attempt at it. I'll take an apology now.
Posted by just me | May 21, 2008 1:46 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 13:46
Now for the days it takes to comment. I appreciate my privacy but you do see my email. The spring term is just ending and I had an incredibly detailed paper I had to complete for one of my courses. As you can imagine, my courses are very rigorous. I haven't had much time for anything at all.
As for me sharing myself, I have. I noticed in some of your other more thought out posts how much better they were written and how much more of what you were trying to communicate came through. I assume you took my advice all those weeks ago.
As for criticism, there is a technique used in Academia, its called peer review. It's when you submit your work to your peers, where they inspect it, criticize it, and then give constructive advice to better it. You see, when you write, you know what you mean but sometimes the reader doesn't, unless you explain very clearly. This is mind opening, because you start to see flaws in your work that you were blind to. This also works in life. You live life and believe all your decisions make perfect sense, until you ask for advise, you see that others can clearly view the obvious flaws in what you do. This is good criticism...I'm not perfect and make all kinds of mistakes..some are funny, others not so much. I respect and accept criticism. You just get defensive. You feel attacked.
If you really want good advice, I'll be glad to help guide you anyway I can...when you're indeed ready to take it. Until then, you'll just perceive that I'm attacking you, and that is never what I've done.
Posted by just me | May 21, 2008 2:02 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 14:02
I think he just called you a Haiku!!
Posted by Skeebo | May 21, 2008 2:54 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 14:54
Just Me--
You are right. Cherish this day. I do owe you an apology. I have been very frustrated lately which has me being very bitchy. So, I apologize. I am woman enough to admit when I am wrong. I re-read your comment an realized you were talking to Dennie.
I guess it makes sense now why you comment so late on things. I don't think you mentioned before that you were in school. I guess you practice what you learn in school through your comments, I can now see that because I have never met anyone who talks the way you do. And might I ask if you take some type of psychology because the things you say seem less like advice and more like analyzing.
When it comes to me and you, it seems like we will agree that we always disagree.
Skeebo--LOL. Nah, he wasn't but I have been called worse things than that, trust me.
Posted by Michelle | May 21, 2008 3:44 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 15:44
Hey:
I hear you when you say,,,it is hard to trust anyone...Hell,,trust is what got alot of us where we are today huh??!! There are good men still out there. I had to weed my way thru the geek patrol..and alot of ex-junkies b-4 I found my one true love...don't fret,,he's out there,
Peace
Posted by rose | May 21, 2008 4:04 PM
Posted on May 21, 2008 16:04
Dont worry my dear.I have been a victim of what
you have gone thro at POZ but i realizedthat its only God who who can take away your happiness.Dont give up the fight but also learn to love yourself.Cheers......
Posted by duby60 | May 22, 2008 3:59 AM
Posted on May 22, 2008 03:59
Michelle, I've taken Psych courses, but my concentration is History. As for analyzing, isn't that the best way to get advice. If you asked me which movie you should watch tonight, and I told you "Schindler's list" what good would that do? I haven't given you advice, I gave you my opinion. I have no idea what kind of movies you like, or for that matter what movie you are in the mood to watch unless I took a look at what you like, and what mood you're in. Then it would be advice. Same goes for your dating situation. It sounds as though you have a miriad of issues that complex the dating situation. I can give you my opinion but if you want good advice then that needs some opening up, and alot of introspection.
I'll add this. What kind of men would you expect to get from a site called "Online Booty Call?" Is it the kind of man/relationship that you are looking for? A site where there are 10 commandments, the first being "Thou shalt get out before the sun rises". I looked at the site and my answer would be, No. I don't expect the ideal relationship for you to come from that "dating" site but if that's where you're looking, then perhaps you're inviting the same kind of men into your life that have burned you time after time.....points to ponder
Posted by Just me | May 22, 2008 10:33 AM
Posted on May 22, 2008 10:33
Just Me---
Sorry, I haven't responded but I had been away for a few days. If you read what I said about OBC, I do recall saying, "it is what it is" and I had an ad on there longer than I had on Poz or the other dating site. Nor have I hooked up with anyone for some late night ass. And I wouldn't be looking for anything serious from a site like that. Geez, gimme a break. But then you are just being YOU. And the men I have been with have never been from a dating site, the ones that have burned me. Most of them have been from my town.
Posted by Michelle | May 23, 2008 11:36 PM
Posted on May 23, 2008 23:36
Michelle
I feel for you. Not only have I been in same situation but I have ruined good relationships because of being burned in the past. Hang in there. It will happen for you. Just hold on to it when it does.
Posted by charles | May 26, 2008 10:17 AM
Posted on May 26, 2008 10:17
Michelle
I feel for you. Not only have I been in same situation but I have ruined good relationships because of being burned in the past. Hang in there. It will happen for you. Just hold on to it when it does.
Posted by charles | May 26, 2008 10:18 AM
Posted on May 26, 2008 10:18
Michelle, As I am sitting here reading your blog,I feel you,where are all the poz men? why is it that there are more scammers on poz sites than on other sites? I admit I have trust issues also when it comes to be hurt,i myself just want to date once in a while and be with someone like myself(poz)who can relate.I have met some real nitemares on the poz sites but also some nice guys who just live too far away, but I try to be encouraged that maybe I will meet a good friend that I can hang out with so I won't have to be "sittin pretty" on a beautiful day that happens to be a holiday by myself.
Posted by netta | May 26, 2008 9:35 PM
Posted on May 26, 2008 21:35
You ask where are all the good men at well as a good man seeking a good pos. woman I ask why does it have to be one sided? We all have some type of trust issue but as I am sure you are aware it sucks to be alone.
So I say where are all the good women at that are supposedly hiding and afraid of exposing their status for us good pos. men.
Posted by Elton | June 7, 2008 10:01 AM
Posted on June 7, 2008 10:01