Yesterday I attended my first women's support group. It consisted of eight women including myself. We all had our stories and it amazed me how much they had in common with me.One of the ladies, I believe had been poz over sixteen years and another who had been newly diagonosed. At first, I was nervous about someone there knowing me but after about the first half hour of the meeting, they felt more like girlfriends I hadn't seen in years.
The conversation was about the thing that has been a personal demon in my life since I was diagnosed. The dreaded d- word also known as disclosure. These ladies understood my fears, accepted my views on it and embraced me without judgement. This was something I was not use to, usually when I opened up about my views, I would get slammed.
It caught me off guard and made me think just how far I have come with this virus. Most deal with the physical changes the virus can cause but with me, the changes were more emotional. The betrayal of my sisters was the thing that hurt me the most. My family has always been dysfunctional but I never thought my sisters could be that cruel. I actually thought they would be the ones I would get my support from. But instead I was betrayed, there was a lady in my group who went through the exact same thing with her sister. Our stories were so close that it was uncanny, right down to be being called "Aids infested bitches". When I heard that come out of her mouth, I was blown away and left speechless. Me being speechless doesn't happen often either.
I have come a long way baby, indeed. I have not forgiven my sisters for what they did nor do I think I ever will. But they no longer have the power to use this virus against me and have me wear it like a badge of dishonor. I have become stronger and my voice has gotten just a little bit louder. It started out as a whisper when I joined the forums. From there it became louder by doing this blog which I think is coming up on a year soon. Who knew I would have so much to say, right?
Who knows, one day you may just see me somewhere, saying...."Hello, My name is Michelle...I am HIV+ and I have a story to tell......"
I'm glade you are finding out you are not the only one out there . And you have a story that can help others !! If you help gest one you are doing good.I'm happy to know you as a friend !! Tanks You Jeff
My sisters are in 50's and my parents are in their late 70's, and couldn't had been MORE supportive. After reading your story, now I feel truly blessed.
Sometimes our "family" can be a stranger on the street, or a support group, or another blogger. Keep your chin raised and get as loud as you want!
David
You do have a story to tell -- and thankfully you're telling it every day ...