January 2009 Archives

I finally hit the big 4-0 on January 12th. I would have to say it was the best birthday I had in years. People who I hadn't expected to know when my birthday was actually rallied together to make it special for me. And those that did know my birthday like my sister, was there to welcome me into the 40's reminding me that I am no longer considered a spring chicken. But I still wasn't long in the tooth. I hate that saying just about as much as the term old head which is used in my hood. And who the hell made up such unflattering words?

I mean I do realize that I have gotten older and put on a few extra pounds. My body reminds me of that when I try to do something that I use to be able to do back in the day. Considering some of the wild things I have done in my earlier years, it is a blessing that I am still on this earth today, even with this virus. But why does reaching forty have to mean you are old? Maybe I just don't like the word old. Matured sounds much better to me. I have overcome many obstacles that life chose to throw at me. I bitched about them all but I also learned from every one. Those bad experiences along with the good ones has made me into the person that I am today.

Back in the day, being a D.J., I was the life of the party or the center of attention. Now that I have matured, I no longer want the attention or drama. What I have these days is a peace of mind. I prefer my comforts of home to the drama of the streets. Some think I have turned into some type of recluse. But I beg to differ, I just enjoy being at home. I socialize when the need arises instead of making it a part of my daily routine. So, to me, it is not about getting older but reaching a turning point in my life.

To ad-lib a quote from Celie in the movie, "The Color Purple", "I may be black, and I may even be ugly but Lord I am here, I'm still here."

Today I had to say goodbye to a friend, saying goodbye has never been easy for me. But when you have to say goodbye forever, it's even worse. Knowing you'll never see that person or make memories together again. And realizing all you have left are just that-----memories.

And for me it was also a first. The first time I ever went to a wake. The first time I ever really saw anyone dead. I have experienced death before, I have lost both my parents. But in their case, I never had to look at a body, it was ashes. When I glanced at my friend from afar, it didn't look like her at all to me. If her brother hadn't brought me to the wake, I would've sworn I came to the wrong place. But as I moved closer to her casket, the harsh realization hit me, it really was her. What was left of her, the kind, warm, loving friend that I grew to love was gone. Before I knew it, I was in tears.

As I sit here and write this, it's still hard for me to believe she is gone.

Rest In Peace Roxanne.....You will be greatly missed but I know you will be watching over us all.....I love you.