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Due to extreme peer pressure, I was asked to write an entry about the new man in my life.Ok, well not extreme, I guess inquiring minds just want to know since the last entry. I have been dying to spill it anyway. For those who have been following my blog since the beginning, you know it was a long time coming. But I also hope it inspires those who think that you can't be loved because of this virus. I use to feel that way too. And that's when it happened.......
Goddess knows my track record with men has always sucked. I always ended up with the wrong ones. I never understood why for the longest time. I even remember that someone commented in a past blog entry that it was my fault. At the time that pissed me off but now that I think back on it, it kinda was. Why? Because I was allowing myself to settle for anything, trying to be happy but at the same time setting myself up for failure.
Like anyone else looking for love or some type of connection, I had a few profiles on different HIV sites.At first, I was happy to see an interest but that soon changed. It seemed like the only responses I would get would be from people living in Africa. Who for some strange reason thought I was made of money. They also had a sick family member who desperately needed some type of surgery. Or there were the ones who lived in the United States but that's about all the information that was provided.
I can respect a person's privacy. But most profiles are not asking you to provide personal information.If you can't provide the basics, then you're not worth taking an interest in.Now imagine getting those type of responses for two years straight. I had pretty much given up hope of finding anyone.Checking the responses had now become like checking email. You don't even bother opening it, you just look at the heading of the email.
Just when I had given up, that's when I got a nibble. Someone who has actually filled out their profile. A person who has the same interests as myself. A person who is looking for the same things I am. And more importantly, he lived kinda close. And better yet, he had no problem sending an actual picture of himself.
The next step was communicating, which started out with Yahoo messenger but soon moved to phone calls. For hours, two or three times a day. The last always being before we went to bed The first being as soon as one of us woke up.Even if we knew the other was sleep, we would leave a message.This is usually what I like to call the courting ritual. The time where we both do our best to make a great first impression
After about four to six months, we were ready to meet each other. He invited me to come visit him. It had been awhile since I had a chance to get away.So, I went and after an eleven hour train ride, we finally met. Lo and behold, he actually looked like his picture.He is Puerto Rican, fourty-six years old and has the body of Adonis. Not that I am all into looks but the man gave me fever, ok...*lol* He's the yen to my yang.It's like our personalities compliment each other. I think I said that right. But more importantly he has a heart of gold. Everything about him is genuine, if that makes sense.
The visit ended up lasting a whole month. We definitely made a connection during that time. So much so that I am relocating to be with him. Not live with him, big difference because I am still independent. And so is he. I could see us eventually living together. He has said the same but we are good with how the living arrangements are going to be.We even had a mini confession. We shared things from our past that we were not proud of and accepted that the past is the past. Together we are moving forward.
To those newly infected or those who are tired of being alone, don't lose hope. Don't give up on love.It will come when you least expect it and when you need it the most.
Goddess knows my track record with men has always sucked. I always ended up with the wrong ones. I never understood why for the longest time. I even remember that someone commented in a past blog entry that it was my fault. At the time that pissed me off but now that I think back on it, it kinda was. Why? Because I was allowing myself to settle for anything, trying to be happy but at the same time setting myself up for failure.
Like anyone else looking for love or some type of connection, I had a few profiles on different HIV sites.At first, I was happy to see an interest but that soon changed. It seemed like the only responses I would get would be from people living in Africa. Who for some strange reason thought I was made of money. They also had a sick family member who desperately needed some type of surgery. Or there were the ones who lived in the United States but that's about all the information that was provided.
I can respect a person's privacy. But most profiles are not asking you to provide personal information.If you can't provide the basics, then you're not worth taking an interest in.Now imagine getting those type of responses for two years straight. I had pretty much given up hope of finding anyone.Checking the responses had now become like checking email. You don't even bother opening it, you just look at the heading of the email.
Just when I had given up, that's when I got a nibble. Someone who has actually filled out their profile. A person who has the same interests as myself. A person who is looking for the same things I am. And more importantly, he lived kinda close. And better yet, he had no problem sending an actual picture of himself.
The next step was communicating, which started out with Yahoo messenger but soon moved to phone calls. For hours, two or three times a day. The last always being before we went to bed The first being as soon as one of us woke up.Even if we knew the other was sleep, we would leave a message.This is usually what I like to call the courting ritual. The time where we both do our best to make a great first impression
After about four to six months, we were ready to meet each other. He invited me to come visit him. It had been awhile since I had a chance to get away.So, I went and after an eleven hour train ride, we finally met. Lo and behold, he actually looked like his picture.He is Puerto Rican, fourty-six years old and has the body of Adonis. Not that I am all into looks but the man gave me fever, ok...*lol* He's the yen to my yang.It's like our personalities compliment each other. I think I said that right. But more importantly he has a heart of gold. Everything about him is genuine, if that makes sense.
The visit ended up lasting a whole month. We definitely made a connection during that time. So much so that I am relocating to be with him. Not live with him, big difference because I am still independent. And so is he. I could see us eventually living together. He has said the same but we are good with how the living arrangements are going to be.We even had a mini confession. We shared things from our past that we were not proud of and accepted that the past is the past. Together we are moving forward.
To those newly infected or those who are tired of being alone, don't lose hope. Don't give up on love.It will come when you least expect it and when you need it the most.
I'm so happy for you . I think you are on the right path . i have ben waching you for years . This is the first time you did things the righ way .
This really brought back memories. Especially the part about the incomplete profiles. Very frustrating! I have had HIV for going on 10 years, I didn't start seriously seeking a partner through HIV positive dating sites until 2005. I was pretty lucky, I met the man I am now married to that same year. There were two issues on my part that caused us a lot of problems. One was my fears/stereotypes of HIV positive men. It's pretty sad but for all the anger I have about people prejudging me due to my status, I sure did have a hard time trusting in my partners past and present life story. Also, I contracted HIV when I was 19 and in my youth had only had serious long term relationships with thugs, so I didn't quite know how to relate to a responsible adult. So basically I was paranoid that I'd find I'd run off with a closet homosexual closet addict, AND I was still stuck on my own dysfunctional notions of what it means to be a man. I'm sure that this could offend some gay men and people struggling with drug abuse, and self described thugs. That's not my intention. As a straight woman with a young child I had certain criteria. To be fair, he did have plenty of his own baggage, so it was a rough start to say the least. BUT slowly and painfully we both shared to the point we were comfortable with, grew up a bit more, and went from wanting love and trust, to loving and trusting each other. Finding that I would be most comfortable in a relationship with a HIV positive man was a very prolonged journey for me, and so was leaving my past behind and allowing my partner to do the same. I'm so glad I did.
Hello Michelle,
Congrats on your new relationship. I just recently got thrust back into the dating pool. The pickings were already slim, and our condition makes it harder. You found yours, hopefully I will too. You hit the nail on the head with the Africans and such, I mean do they really think we are that gullable, just because we are searching for relationships?
Peace & Blessings
M
I was thinking about deleting my bio today. After reading your column I have hope. I don't believe in settling-I believe in asking for what you want. Just last week three scammers e-mailed me
Scammer number 1's wife died from cancer and he was home schooling his 2 sons. Yet, he travels the world w/o the kids. Last week he was robbed while in Africa and needed money to return home
Scammer number 2 's wife left him with the son and he's traveling the world with the kid and wants 2 meet as soon as possible after 2 e-mails.
Scammer number 3's wife is in Africa with their 4 sons an need I continue?
michelle,
it's time for an update. wonderful story. you know mine. yeah, we're still funking around. don't know, hopefully i will end up in a situation more similar to yours.
congrats again. i know we've had this conversation many times. im happy you left your profile up despite the scammers. take care and im looking forward to reading the next part of this tale.
best,
d
Maria and Michelle.
i must agree with you that living with HIV is not an easy feat.Finding love while in this state is also another uphill task. However, placing a blanket condemnation on Africans is something I am reluctant with. There are very many Africans out here who are genuinely in need of love, who share feelings with other people and just like you, who are contending with this difficult human situation. Meeting a few bent Africans does not make the latter an African attribute. Africans are not a bunch of liars and con stars. At times, the West is portrayed to especially the not so well educated Africans as a place where you go and live like royalty, where everyone is rich...No T.V program/news item...shows the West as a suffering place. You can be able to gauge the reasoning capacity and level of exposure of your correspondent by the content of their submission. Still, there are Africans who don't look West/East for solutions to their problems but right where they are, and who would link up with anybody from anywhere in the world in the spirit of human solidarity. I wish someone wanted to prove me wrong!
All the best.
Ama'
What is this that you are saying about Africans? Here I am. A single man and I am an African looking and wanting to get into a serious relationship or possibly get married. I have had no luck either just like you girls and I wish someone can come along in my life to share life together. Yet, I have been frustrated by the distance for the most part but remain very optimistic to find some especially around where I live. I know it is hard for guys but I think it is much easier for ladies out there to find someone. Should anybody to my posting, I will be much happier to get in touch.
Calm32