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I'm not in Kansas anymore folks...

| 4 Comments

I know many are curious about the title. It's kinda a private joke pertaining to where I am from compared to New York. There are so many differences between the two that it makes me feel country, like I am from Mayberry. And if I look further down the road, I will see Andy and Opie..*lol*... Things are so different that sometimes I have to joke from keeping myself from crying. But despite my sacrifices, I still fell in love with New York.

As far as my living arrangements, I am still in a domestic violence shelter. In an undisclosed location. My time is almost up here and I still haven't found housing. I am suppose to look at a place on Monday. I am hoping I will get it. If I don't I can see myself falling into a depression. It has happened already, a few days ago. I have a psychiatrist that I see. I would say she helps, it helps to talk to someone who is not biased. But I feel that is not helping so much anymore. It kinda just feels like a pep talk. Just a feeling of being placated.

I have yet to connect with any type of hiv doctors. I have gotten bloodwork back, it's just been hard getting the results. Last time viral load and cd4 was mentioned to me, it was 525/59,000. It has kind of been put on the back burner because I am focused on trying to get new hearing aids.

I have to remind myself that everything here has a process. The process is slow. Back home things move a whole lot faster just minus the benefits. The doctors I have seen since being here actually act like they care. Back home, you feel more like a number and their bedside manner sucks. Get you in and get you out, sort of like a factory line. Now where is the love in that?

My adopted mother passed last year. She passed the day after my father's birthday. I'd like to think  that they spent his birthday together. Due to my beliefs, I'd like to think that my father was the one to help her crossover. Both their ashes are spread across Lake Erie. I didn't find out til three months after her death. I felt guilty about that because I had not seen or spoke to her in years. Not since we buried my father. I hate myself for that.

I'd like to think they are watching over me. And when I feel like giving up and cutting my loses, it's their voices I hear. Nudging me forever, giving me the strength to go on.

4 Comments

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Comments on Michelle Kenney's blog entry "I'm not in Kansas anymore folks..."

HEY MICHELE PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP PLEASE! I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE AND IT F...K... HURTS BAD MY SITUATION COST ME MY FAMILY BUT I KNOW THAT MY GIRLS ARE TOTALLY BEHIND ME I'M LUCKY TO HAVE THEM AS MY BEST FRIENDS MY EX IS ANOTHER STORY SHE OUT I MEAN OUT TOTALLY UNEDUCATED ABOUT THE FACTS AND FOR THAT REASON SHE NEVER UNDERSTAND. BUT MY BRO'S AND ALL MY FAMILY ARE COOL AND WERE THERE FOR ME. I'M SORRY TO HEAR YOUR TROUBLES BUT I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR REAL, I LIVE IN RAYNE LOUISIANA MY DOCTORS AND ALL MY MEDS. AND VISITS TO MY DIABETIC CLINIC,MY HIV CLINIC, MY EMERGENCIES VISITS,MY BLOOD WORK,MY OTHER DOCTOR VISITS ARE ALL FREE CARE AND LET ME TELL YOU THE PEOPLE THERE ARE KICK ASS THEY WERE THE ONES WHEN I FIRST GOT SICK I WENT THROUGH SOME ROUGH TIMES LOST MY JOB 50,000 A YEAR TO SSI THATS A BIG DIFFERENCE BUT THEY HELPED ME WITH ALL MY FIRST FEARS AND DOUBTS I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR ALMOST A MONTH AND I WOULD'NT HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT THEM AND I'M A BIG STRONG MAN I'M TALKING REAL STRONG AND STRONG MINDED. THE PLACE I'M TALKING ABOUT IS UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER IN LAFAYETTE LOUISIANA ON CONGRESS ST AND AMBASSADOR CAFFERY RD THE # IS 337-261-6415 ASK FOR JACKIE THE HUMAN RESORCE LADY SHE IS NICE VERY NICE SHE HELPED ME GET ALL MY PAPERS IN ORDER NOW FOR QUALIFIYING YOU NEED TO HAVE A LOUISIANA LICENSE FIRST THATS EASY THEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE OR A WOMENS HELP CENTER OR A FRIEND THEN NO JOB OR INCOME JUST SAY YOUR HELPING WHO YOU LIVE WITH CLEAN THEIR HOUSE LIKE A LIVE IN CLEANING LADY BUT WITH LIMITED INCOME YOU SHOULD GET ALL THE THINGS I MENTIONED I LIVE ON SSI 1100.00 MONTH AND I MAKE THE CUT NOW YOU DO HAVE TO REAPPLY EVERY LIKE 6 MONTHS OR 8 MONTHS BUT ITS WORTH IT. I HOPE THAT WHAT I TOLD YOU CAN HELP YOU BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TO NY AND FELL IN LOVE WITH IT LIKE I BELONGED THERE BUT I'M STUCK IN CAJUN COUNTRY NOW GOING ON 10 YRS AND ITS NOT TOO BAD HOUSTON A GOOD PLACE TO ESCAPE IS 3 HRS AWAY BEACHES ARE 2 HRS CASINOS ALL OVER PLUS ITS ALWAYS SUNNY NOW THEY ARE SOME BAD THINGS LIKE HURRICANES BUT YOU HAVE A HURRICANE PARTY OR GO A COUPLE HRS NORTH GET A ROOM FOR 3-4 DAYS PARTY THEN COME HOME NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT YEA RIGHT THEN THE MOSQUITOS OR SHOULD I SAY THE FLYING SMALL BIRDS THAT STING YOU BUT OTHER WISE IT OK MY NAME IS HECTOR AND FEEL FREE TO MAIL BACK AND SEE IF I CAN ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS BE COOL


Michelle, Pray, Pray, Pray. It works, trust me.

Do the footwork and pray every time you do something that It worked out the way It was suppose to and do the next footstep. Peace to YOU

I live in fort lauderdale florida . everything is much better here as far as services for hiv people and the wheather is beutiful

dmk102845@att.net

I just happened to see this, Michelle, and I am suprised you havent said anything about being in a shelter in the forums. I cant believe this. I am so sorry.
What happened?
Hang in there.
Joel

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This page contains a single entry by Michelle published on April 1, 2010 5:01 PM.

Wishing for a happily ever after.... was the previous entry in this blog.

Expect the Unexpected...The Update is the next entry in this blog.

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