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The Dating Game......I give up.

| 75 Comments

These days all you see on tv is dating reality shows. They make it seem so easy. You live in a nice mansion for a few months in hopes of trying to get your man or woman. Supposedly by the end of those months, the person falls in love. If only it was that easy.

Since the break up, I have thrown my hat in the dating game. I have a profile on Poz Personals as well as a few other sites. I have found them all to be a bit disappointing to be honest. For one, if you can't post a pic or even take the time to complete your profile then what is the use of having one?

 A pic would be nice so I have an idea of what the person looks like that I am communicating with. Not to be mean, but I am not trying to meet up with someone who looks like Flava Flav. Or something out of a horror movie. I usually just breeze past those or ignore them if they send me anything. I mean it's not like I am asking for their life story, just the basics.

I try to be as thorough as I can in mine including mentioning the fact that I am hearing impaired. Yet still I have replies asking me to call them? Hello? Didn't they even take the time to read my profile?  When this happens I'll send back a reply saying I don't talk on the phone, I text. I must admit it irritates me because it makes me feel like the person did not take the time to read my profile.

What really pisses me off to no end is the men who seems to think after the first date that I am suppose to willingly want to have sex .As they say in the hood, "A man can sleep around and be considered a hero but if a woman does it she's a zero."  I know it is 2010 but I am from the old school. Just because my profile says that I am not looking for a relationship does not mean that I am looking for a one night stand. It makes me wonder if this is the reason they might have gotten infected in the first place.

With that being said, I have given up on dating. I have decided if anything, it has made me see just how much I miss my ex. Since we will never get back together, this girl's best friend is not diamonds but instead my vibrator and some double A batteries.

75 Comments

Show Comment(s)

Comments on Michelle Kenney's blog entry "The Dating Game......I give up."

you can call me anytime at 313-828-8452 i would love to get to know you

Well, Kenny. I did text you. I am hearing impaired so I really do not talk on the phone. Or maybe you thought it was a prank? I will try to text you one more time. Hope you get it.

i think you are clever and i agree with you some people dnt even bother read your profile and some pple dnt even write anything on their profiles and its fruastrating. a lot of straight men dnt want to put their pictures on there coz its not safe. i havnt got a photo on my profile coz anyone can see mi n tell someone about my health. its not easy to find love on these dating sites for real. i have been lookin for a year now but i had never meet anyone serious. its made because nobody trusts you. some people b looking for love but they can not be trusted because of someone's past experience. im genuinely looking for true love but its proving to be difficult now im thinking of goin 2 the hiv groups to find someone i can see. photos should have a link where you allow someone you are intrested in to view yo photo not any jack n jill. i used to think maybe i will meet sum1 on this site but i gave up. what else can you do you only have to deal with it because even if you meet someone who hasnt got it how would tell that person you have got hiv?

Michelle, ur so right, ppl don't bother to read ur profile, on top of that theirs are half completed, I have met a lot of poz men in personal, IM, text u name it, but i tell ya this, they are all not serious at all, liers and head games players - BIG TIME - I just gave up too.
Good luck

Torrid, I agree wth you, putting pics in here is not that much safe, ppl are just soooo noisy, some are not even poz, they login to browse who's poz in their neighborhood, one poz site www.hivnet.com, u can put ur pics on and make 'em private - u have to give out password for other member to view 'em.

ok, G'luck

Torid--

I am clever? I am hoping that was meant to be a compliment because that is how I am going to take it. I do understand the fear one has of posting a pic. As you can see for my blog, it isn't completely clear but I still think if someone knew me, they could still tell it was me. It is a bit unnerving to me because I would like to be able to see who it is I am talking to. So usually this leads to the exchange of Yahoo messenger sns. If they don't have a pic posted on there then I get kinda leery. It makes me feel like they have more to hide than just their status.

I wasn't looking to find love when I first joined the poz site awhile back. But then low and behold, I had met my ex and fell in love. Kinda a one in a million thing. This go around I was not looking to find love either. But I agree with all the game playing and scamming on dating sites these days it is a bit of a toss up.

Memyselfni--

I definitely feel ya on that but I have also heard men say the same thing about women.It makes me feel like men/women don't believe in love anymore. It seem to be all about sex or money. I guess I am just too old school because I don't believe in having sex when you first meet someone. And if you did, it was called a one night stand, that was the end. Now it's almost like you're expected to have sex right off as if you were trying to seal the deal. And since when has a relationship turned into let's make a deal?!

Btw, love your name. It reminds me of the rap group back in the day, De La Soul. They had a song called me, myself and Eye. Just a little trivia for ya...:)

pictures are not safe either Michelle! i have comunicated with men who have photos which are not theirs! they put even kids and claim they have hiv+kids to have sympathy. This kind you can see they UK as home in profile in poz. later if you exchange yahoo or other adress they have USA as home in the profile. some claime to work in oil company and they are in the high sea...all fake people i have given up too. before you meet person you have to have video chat at least i think can be a bit safe.

yea its quite true we all wanna see who we are talking to but its scary because if its someone who knows you u will be exposing yoself. i think here in britain people are still naive n they dont wanna come out. if you look at the americans they dont care almost every profile u c has got a photo on it. the most hurting thing is that we are living in a society were u cant meet someone in the street because you know you have hiv unless if you wanna go to prison. sometimes i wish i had never get tested because there a lot of hiv infected men n women out thre who do not know that they have got hiv and they will never be held responsible because they dont know. ignorence is bliss. we have to keep our fingers crossed mayb they will come up with a cure. as for partners we shuld keep lookin till you find sum1 who is willing to take you on. in life wen u r busy lookin thre will b sum1 lukin its only tht we cant guess whre they r. sum times i just think this is a life sentence n i will never mit nobody. when you are poz like this you dnt trust nobody because if you meet someone the 1st thnk that comes in your mind is how did she or he gt it? i would like to make that clear men get hiv from women and women gt it from men. unless you stop having sex then you will always be vulnerable. what type of man or women would cheat again after this?

I am a hetero male living in Australia. I'v been on all dating sites for over a year now and have mainly wasted time on scammers. I'v got a complete profile with picture cause I'v got nothing to hide. The only way to stop stigma is to come out and show yourself. If we all stop hiding than maybe we will get lucky in love.
I can't believe how scared and protective most are. Get over it !!!!!!!!

Jacobus Rens is my real name ok!!!

Melodi--
I have seen men use celeb pics but I never seen any use kids in their pics. When I come across profiles like those I usually just keep going. Obviously, you have seen more than I. I am kinda leery of video chat because most men only want to do use it to do pornographic things or want you to. It's like a no win situation.

Torrid--
Not all men have pics in their profiles here in America. And coming out is a matter of choice. I mean yeah everyone says come out to stop the stigma but I also feel it depends on the person's circumstances. No one knows why people do the things they do. I mean some people do know my status but only because my family took it upon themselves to out me. Because of that I have lost friends and been rejected many times. Now for you that may not be reason enough to stay silent but my thoughts are I will only disclose on a need to know basis.

Bottoms---

That's a lovely concept you have and maybe one day it will be that way. But people sometimes have good reason not to disclose. And have good reason to be protective, try not to be so judgemental.

You go girl I"m with you One Hundred and Ten persent. SMILES

Lilly--- Thanks!!!

OMGOSH GIRL IM SO WITH YOU ON THAT BOO!!! I WAS IN A 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH A NEG GUY AND WE ARNT GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER AND I FEEL YOU ON THE B.O.B. VERY CUTE FOR YOU TO ADD THAT!

Hello Michelle,

I apologize for all the men that don't read before they approach a lovely lady, but Guys are getting the same garbage with responses. Once a person says they are done with dating thats when someone special comes into their life. Hang in their and don't let the bad men make you lose sight of the real men.

Stay Sweet,
Rome

That is really funny but confusing at the end.

It was hard enough for people to find the right one when they were HIV neg. I am new to this ,but i would think you cant be to picky now. In the end we all want a nut and positive people around us to give strength.Nobodies perfect. Not every is comfortable with there status so pics are the last thing for me.

Baby--
Thanks girl, I appreciate the support. I wish I could find a neg guy that wouldn't mind being with me due to being poz. But then again, it would make me worry if I was infecting him. But then it was hard finding a poz guy too. You like that last line huh? *LOL* It was meant to be funny but also the truth.

These people dont put celebrite but put picture of normal simple guy and kids claiming to be widower with hivpoz kids..imagine!! just making stories.They are good people out there i still believe so, for this i think to have web cam helps. i think you can have control too of what you want to see or show. if its opposite of what you want its simple to block that spam.

Rome--

Thanks for the kind words. I have been told by men that they have the same problems too. You should not have to apologize for the bad guys. It's good to know that there are some good men out there still. You guys are just hard to find or are usually already taken.

lonly1--

Sorry that last line confused you. So are you saying now that we are poz that we are suppose to settle for anyone or anything? I disagree with that. Yes, no one is perfect that is true but by no means does that mean we are suppose to settle or take what we can get because we are poz. And yes I definitely want a nut but I am not willing to get with just anyone to get it.

Hmmmmmmm Michelle, I'm old school too, and just like you want others to respect and adhere to ur criteria, you also must respect and understand the same for others. There are many different perspectives as there are people in this world. Some for obvious reasons choose not to have their pic posted i.e. their job, family, etc. I use 2 have my pic up but decided 2 take it down for my own personal reasons. Not to mention, to me its a 2 way street when it comes 2 dating, just because women have something special doesnt mean she wont have 2 meet my criteria..she has 2 live up 2 my standards as well. If ur old school u should understand.."different strokes for different folks". maybe ur too cinnacle & possibly judgemental (food 4 thought) GL

Keith==

I don't see how you think I am being cynical. I am only expressing what I have encountered thus far with the dating game. And I never did say that men did not have their own criteria. I said that the men I came across expected sex on the first date and that's not what I am about. You may be ok with that but I am not. And I don't think I am judgemental at all just expressing my opinion which like assholes everybody has one. I am not saying I am right and everyone should follow me. I am expressing how I feel, big difference.

Your absolutely correct..everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however, in my humble opinion that statement you made regarding "it makes me wonder how others got infected " Wow thats deep ! If that doesnt fall under the category of cynical as well as (very) judgemental and closeminded to boot...I don't know what is. I think that was pretty harsh. Dont get me wrong, I respect ur opinion...ur entitled, but as I said before, for as many people there as r in this world, so goes varying trains of thought ! Remember it was you who put yourself on the chopping block. I'm sorry for ur unfortunate dating circumstances..but i've come to accept...just like life...it comes with the territory ! So as we say in the "real" hood (old school) "put an "H" on ur chest, and HANDLE IT"

Keith---

An H has been on my chest way before I become infected. There's a lot I have handled and I have overcome in my lifetime. And "real" hood? What the hell is that suppose to mean? You don't know anything about where I come from to question it being real, ok. And I still stand by what I said, that may be why some people have gotten infected. There are a lot of people who will admit to getting infected from careless or risky behavior. I didn't say they asked for it. I said wondered if that's how they got infected. I don't see anything harsh in saying that. But I bet that made you feel good to say all that and try to have the last word. It's my blog, you'll never have the last word. So maybe you should start a blog of your own or stop reading mine if you don't like what I have to say. Have a nice day.

I am not saying settle for trash, but if your dating enough 1 out of five guys have to be half way decent.It just going to take time.And I am sorry I still think we can't be too picky.How bad can it be.

Oh in I forgot this is also a lesson to me. I am going to give my situation another shot and make the best of what I have. God Bless you guys.

Wow really guys?Are we really in a competition about Who's more "hood"?Its appareant your trying to hard when you try to impress people on where or how you grew up.Trust me on this know one cares and are more likely to take you less seriously becouse of the fact you think you need to establish that.If we were in jail/prison yes i could understand it as being a defense mechanism,but we are on poz and its not really a place to argue about pointless crap like that.As far as the post itself i agree it has become increasingly hard to sift out the fake people from the real people anymore.It seems the scammmers are getting more and more clever as time on.Ive noticed most of the scammers usually give themselves away by:they are in africa and need money to come meet you,they are madly in love with and its your first chat,they are from Great Britian and lost their visa,they say mum alot,their pics look like supermodels,they are looking for love but their profile says hiv neg.Im not saying their arent really legit people who say or do these things as well im just saying since 2005 these are the things ive most noticed from scammers here.I havent given up but i dont pursue a partner like i used to.Ive learned to focus my time and energy into my kids who need me.I would be lying if i said im not lonely every night when i lay down by myself but ive learned to live with it.Maybe one day i will find someone maybe not but i will always strive to better myself regardless.

There is much more to life than vibrators and batteries, but I certinly appreciate the feelings. The best way to meet others living with HIV is to go out and meet them face to face. Not spend countless hours writing and answering e-mails. And some people are not entirely comfortable putting their photo on the Internet. I have gone to www.guysandgirls.net and have met some very nice people men and women, without the frustrations found on the Internet.

Stephen---

The only reason I mentioned hood in my entry was just to explain where I was from.But you are right, it should not be a pissing contest. I have been trying to put my focus somewhere else. That's why I blog because if I kept all these feelings to myself, I think I would've probably killed myself already. I know I shouldn't say that but it's true. I have always said that I use my blogs as a kind of therapy.

lonly1--
Good luck on your journey to find the right one. I hope you find what you are searching for. Maybe one day I will find the one for me too, it just doesn't seem like it at this point.

Bud---

I will have to check that site out. So, I take it you have found someone from this site? And what is so wrong with answering email from people who comment on my blog? I don't sit here all day and do this. I do other things. I just feel that there is nothing wrong with acknowledging those who read my blog. I also don't see anything wrong with using a vibrator. Being that I am new to my surroundings, I do not know the first place to go to find someone poz. I do not feel like going to support groups is the place to try to hook up. It's for support, not dating. But if you have any suggestions feel free to point me in the right direction.

I guess I won't be any help, I feel the same way. Maybe it's just not the right time for me so I just stopped looking. If it's meant to be I guess he'll find me I'm not looking anymore.

Not trying to get all personal. where you hearing impaired at birth or somthing that happened after you became poz.

Matador--

No, I lost most of my hearing four years ago. I still do not know what caused it.

Hey idiot..She just said she don't talk on the phone.HEARING PROBLEM>

sorry to hear that. Remain blessed.

To all of us who are positive stay strong and don’t let anyone put you down, life is not a rehearsal it is here and now so live the best way you can. You are not alone.

I know exactly what you mean Michelle, seems they do not read profile. like you im not interested in empty profiles or the ones with no pic. I am looking for long term but seems all that is contactng me are the ones who are looking for an occassional hook up or just sex. I cant afford to travle and I get people from across the globe. im on a fixed income and a single mom who has also gone back to school. so between college, takeing care of my home and my child even if I had the money to drive off and meet people when would I have the time? if they would read my profile they would figure all this out and not message me. I even have fellas say "oh ill pay your way out to me" ummm excuse me, again im in college and a single mom so how would I be able to just fly off to someone, who I dont know to begin with and would have no way out of it if I did go. too scarey to fly to another state where you dont know anyone and would be trapped. I respond to some people but im kind of like you and have almost give up.....

lol funny you should mention the widowers. I have had many of them message me on several sites, odd thing is most of their wives died in a car accident!? and most about the same amout of years ago, make ya wonder where they all in the same car? lol

Hello:

I agree. I am a man on POZ. I am 59 y.o in great shape, considered to be handsome and have many great things to share in my life with another person. Found that people do not even answer back with a kind thank you. I do not think many of these people want relationships. People do not even get a chance to know you as a person

Did I just read that you wish you could find a negative man? That is why some of us Poz guys are gun shy.

Mike---

Yes, I did say that but I also said it would cause me to worry about infecting someone who is neg. So, I am not looking for anyone neg. If someone neg came along and wanted to be with me then you are saying I should turn him down to be with someone poz? And could you please explain further why that would make you or any other poz man gun shy?

I understand what you've expressed Queentokenlove, and I wish you the very best life has to offer. I can't imagine what it's like to be hearing impaired. I'm totally blind myself and I guess we have something in common (well, sort of). I'm almost done with the dating scene myself. I don't have any pics on here yet, and I usually use my sense of touch to find out any physical informtion out. AI hope to get involved with a woman and when I do, I will find out what she actually looks like. I understand for a sighted person, the visual is very important, but for me, the physical is not as important as the inside of a person. I mean their personality, qualities etc., and that can't abe seen. The oonly way it can be seen is by the manifestation of however the personb is, either positive or negative. I mean about their behaviors/habits etc. I'm the type of friend who will buy something nice and as a gesture of kindness. For example, you mentioned that diamonds are not your best friend, but a vibrator and batteries. Well Queentokenlove, AI would buy you that as a gift and with the hopes that you would appreciate my gesture of friendship. I know that might sound weird or strange, but I always do things from my heart and especially thinbgs like that. Well, that's what I have to say for now. If you want, you can email me at hotmail. My hotmail is khalil0038. I have a screen reading program which allows me to hear what I'm typing as well as what is sent to me in an email. Take care, hope to hear from you via email. My name on poz is "PutItDeepInYa" and although that sounds very sexual, I intended it to mean not just one thing. It means anyghing anything that a woman can feel deeply, like the good things such as happiness, joy, satisfication etc. AI hope you understqand. Please excuse the typos.

Khalil--
Wow, thanks for responding. Just as you can't imagine what it is like to be hearing impaired I can't imagine what it would be like to be blind. And I understand how the physical would not be important for you. I guess it is something that sighted people take for granted. I don't base everything on looks but I will be honest and say I do base about 10 percent on looks and the rest on personality. A person can be beautiful on the outside but have an ugly personality. I have come across those types in the past.

At the moment, my vibrator and batteries are my best friend but I don't expect it to always be that way. If you were to buy me a vibrator, I would not be offended in the least but would thank you. I am hoping that one day someone will come into my life that I can spend the rest of my life with. Honestly, I feel I am getting too old for this dating thing.

I have not seen you in the forums but I will be looking for you. If you want you can drop me a PM there.

I am trying the dating thing, but find it ever so difficult. Not too many poz guys where I live, and its hard to do the long distance thing too. My last was with my husband (a neggie), and that didn't work out. I feel like giving up because I would like to date a neggie, but the fear of passing it to them is not worth it, and the guys I do meet that are poz are gay. Me thinks its time to fold up the relationship flag. It's more trouble than I have time for.

I hear you all on these issues. I have been trying the date thing for the longest time. I don't have time for this crap of trying to explain every time i disclose. I'm sick of it and done. I tried looking for for people around my city and there is none that grabs my attention or too many issues for me to handle. Michelle don't let people bring u down and if people have something to say about you, they are not worth been around. peace

lele, im going through the same thing too.where i live descrimination is still high.the person i dated 3yrs left me for another woman. an influntcial mans daughter whos poz.in this situation?i was in shock for a year plus.im 37 year old lady....i wish i never had sex with him.kept myself till i met him...my story changeg...im stong in the lord,if it hasnt been for god,dont know what would have happend to me toady as i speak...

Hey girl i think there're a lot of women already give up!POZ men just are looking for sex, don't think about nothing else and always are asking for your picture before even to talk with you. As another Lady says "Sex Toys are my best friends". I try to talk with a non positive men is even worst, i experimented it! i was honest about my condition and never saw him again. Just take care about yourself and be happy!

To all of you that are giving up. Dont! I can agree with what you all are saying. I have experienced it. It has taken me a long time and alot of aggravation, but I have found someone. We have been together for 10mo now. It is so hard for us to date. We have to put put more effort and time looking for someone. We cant just go out and date like everyone else. As you see on this blog there are good people hear. Maybe some of you become closer because of this blog. I wish you all the best in your search :-)

I only don't post pics so that I protect my career interests so try not to pass them up. I am a good guy but don't want someone to stumble upon my pic and expose my status at the office - after all, we need to protect ourselves from being unemployed with no health insurance. I am sure that there are many out there that would share their photos once they knew that someone was interested in them and not just browsing the site to determine who is. I wish that I could just post my picture everywhere and be who I am but it would definitely jeopardize my position in the office. So, don't pass me up just because I haven't initially posted a picture. Thanks! I would love to get to know anyone regardless of their HIV status and hope for the same.

You all are just wonderful, thank you for having commented on dating website especially when we're positive. you've talked about every thing and I do agree with all of you, me I've given up on looking for a serious relationship.
I know a positive life is not as easy as people think, but what should we do if our positive fellows do not know exactlly what they want?

Stay stong dears...

i also have never had any luck on this site. i joined the older site about 5 years back and meet a lot of great people once they changed the format of the site it now sucks. for the most part i find the poz community is just out for sex anyways. 95% of them are into unsafe and just crazy sexual practices, Fisting, Groups,Drugs. i never meet a nice poz guy like myself that just wants to date a nice guy. So I have always dated Neg guys for that reason. i also joined a few groups that clamed they where meet and greet but all turn into a sex hunt.Its a shame that things are like this but you will not find a qualiy man on Poz personals. Join a gay church you will have more luck there.

I am positive heterosexual male and yes i do have a photo of my body on this site. On my profile i have stated that i am willing to send pictures of my fatece through email. I have also stated that i am willing to add people to my facebook. I am by far not ugly. I am actully a former model. But i do not want every gay guy on here or random person seeing me on the site. After all people can be cruel. And people can be stalkers. I have sent many women many messages. With no reply back . the women who did contact me on this site turned out to be really emotionaly unstable or psycho. If you are semi emotionaly stable and younger then 30 please give me a shout. Spunkyspaniard88

By the way im loving great Guy. Read my profile

Sure...how many times do we hear about negative men dating pos women, versus neg women dating poz men. The ratio sways greatly in one direction. Many of us have taken a chance on a mized status relationship only to be rejected BECAUSE we are poz. To see someone who is POZ state that she is looking for a negative man, just adds to the "damaged goods" label we have around our neck. Imagine being considered not good enough for someone in our own community. Would this not make you "gun shy" about even trying anymore? Your own blog's title says that you have given up on dating.

HIV is like a common cold. As long as you're Magic Johnson.To all of us who are positive stay strong and don’t let anyone put you down, life is not a rehearsal it is here and now so live the best way you can. You can know many inspirational story here!You are not alone.

Just to add my words to this valid discussion. Well I 've met someone on POZ despite not posting my photo, and what led me there was loneliness and I miss being hugged and kissed , sadly it was one who shouldn't be on the site because he is very married and I had to block him.
Old school or not it is a bit hard to meet someone when you are a HIVER, infact my family have discouraged from wanting somebody but I have said and I feel incomplete without a man by my side for the things a man can do which far surpass a provider. I keep wondering if there shouldn't be a matchmaker somewhere somehow.

Amen. I have to agree w/ the author about the profiles and how disappointing. And lying about age is another pet peeve of mine for a true "dating" site. I mean, don't ya think we'll find out??? It's very frustrating to be sure, being gay, POZ, and not a flake.

i feel the same way to many playa's out there and the stigma is not over.....

I've been in the dating scene for 26yrs. I've not found Mr Right for me as yet, but I'm not crying. Today's world is a difficult place, with all the technology, everything instant, yes you'd think it would be easier. But people are not looking for the same things as your mom or grandmother. Back then they took what came along and lived with whatever it was.
Today we can be more choosy, more careful, we need to be very cautious. Yes there are those who try to scam you, try to make you feel you are just what they are looking for!! Beware, be careful.
But don't give up on life and what all life has to offer in this world. Just learn how to be cautious, if something does not feel right, it probably is not.
Yes, I've been in the process of meeting people for 26 yrs. I've learned a lot, but I haven't given up on what life has to offer. I'm new at being HIV+, but it is still the same situation and the same games to try to see thru. You do meet some good friends along the way. Take it as it comes and evaluate each situation.

"Today's world ...with all the technology, everything instant, yes you'd think it would be easier."

So who wants "easy"? As a culture, have grown so accustomed to instant gratification we mistakenly carry this attitude into our romantic and social lives. We insist on photos before we even engage in conversation (and let's not talk about trying to coax a man from behind his computer into the real world!). Real connections, dating, romance only blossom with time, attention, patience and forgiveness of each other's shortcomings. We can claim we all know this, but how few of us are prepared to act upon it!

I'm 50, hardly Quasimodo. I've been compared to a black Ken doll (exaggeration, I think, but there it is). In 2010, I have had not a single date. And it's not for lack of being available, of being willing to put myself on the dating market. Too many gay men send out mixed messages where "dating" means little more than a quick sexual fumble and then on to the next one. I have never liked sleeping around, hence I remain sidelined. Not to mention I'm in the age range where a gay man is considered to be invisible.

I sympathize with you Michelle. I still miss my ex, and despite several sites and many many pointless conversations later, I don't think I'll find anyone who cared nearly as much about me as he did.

Cheers to our vibrators!

I agree with everything that had been said here. People are looking for instant gratification. No one really takes the time to get to no anyone anymore. I call it Drive by Dating. The men want sex, the women money. Everyone out for what they can get. The dating scene suck.

Hi there sweety,


I have had my real name and picture on Poz for years
and have met about a few very disspointing people. I
have met one promising person who I believe would
be a wonderful match for me. However he lives in
Michigan and I in Wisconsin. I did visit for one
weekend and we had a great time. We had agreed
before he visited that no sex would be involved.
That was a wonderful agreement but I regretted
making it somewhat after he left. But if we had sex
and I did not see him again that would have hurt
like hell.

The vibrator thing is fine for some, just not for
me..it seems empty and lonely and I don't want
to feel that way !! I am not lonely for the most
part..But I do agree with everything else you have written. God bless you !!

Rae...raemurphy@juno.com feel free to write me !!

I haven't been on personals long and I don't have a photo. While I agree with most issues raised and indeed they have been common experiences. I noted that stating that a person is a widow/widower with kids or in Africa has been in some cases a sympathy attraction tactic. Let me just say that its most unfortunate since we are not meeting people in the traditional way where these details are shared face to face, so I kind of thought it was helpful to tell what my situation is like and my location in case it is or it is not what one is looking for. Maybe I am being naive but I think misplaced email addresses can also be as a result of being technologically challenged and not misinformation.

Kellie
Now let me get this right your on a dating site and you dont want a relationship--Why do you want to date then im here to find my man and i will find him one day and hiv is not a killer anymore and life goes on so quit whining and either deal with it or get off..im sorry but enough is enough..
love to all
Larry

Hi Michelle. How are you? II've been searching for you to send you a pm on POZ Personals but I can't find you.

I'm sorry but I agree with Larry Greene. If you're not looking for a relationship then why are you bothering with this any way?

What I don't like is  "I usually just breeze past those or ignore them if they send me anything.". Here's a thought instead of ignoring someone why not simply tell them "thanks, but we're not a match." Otherwise you come off as being superficial and judgemental.

You and anyone else that chooses to use this method to meet needs to realize that the Internet is a place where anyone can be anything. There are players, jaded exs, sex/drug addicts, the socially inept, and some who just need compliments fed to them. An HIV site isn't going to change that.

Having said that, there are also folks who are
faced with disclosure issues, or career concerns, etc. Believe it or not, there are some people that are not at the comfort level where you may be. They are really struggling with this and just need a source of support. They don't give a damn about what someone's picture is.

If you choose not to dialog with them that's fine, but don't generalize the whole dating situation, or use it as another opportunity for male bashing.


You're so tight-The men have hidden agendas. Some are separate w/ children, but they don't tell you. Others have momma issues, and are angry with the world. Others lie , like thre's some trophy for lying waiting for them. All women should just leave the site, so the men can date one another. One guy asked, "No overweight females need apply?" Yet, his diction, grammar, diet, hygiene, photo wouldn't meet anyone's standards.

I bet Larry's one of those guys that's been on the site for centuries. I log in and look around. If no one meets my approval I deactivate acct. Some of the same shabby, lying guys have been members for years. I'm not setttling. settling. I don't even bother to post a photo. If you sound lame, you are lame.

If you don't want people asking for sex right away don't put "not looking for a relationship" on your description. That's code for sex. I've noticed there are a lot of women that get all huffy and puffy about people wanting sex from them, yet their profiles are excessively sexy, their boobs are showing, there are closeup photos of their faces with mascara and batting eyelashes, and then they get all pissed off that people are out to have sex with them.

If you'd like, you can put "looking for friends". Though frankly I agree, if you're not looking for a relationship why bother with online dating? For your post-break up entertainment? Seems a little ridiculous to me, given how awful online dating is.

And honestly I am tired of people saying they are "old school" like it's some sort of advertising line. Ok so you don't like to have sex on the first date. Fine. Some people have it on the first day, some on the second, some on the fifth, and some on the 500th. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with having sex on the first day. I had a one night stand that turned into a two year relationship.

That said, I would probably not have sex on the first day with an online date, not only because it seems totally unsafe, but to be frank online dating is just something I'm doing to entertain myself in my search of something else. I would be extremely shocked/surprised if I actually met someone in the warped internet world.

Not to offend, but I notice a little hypocrisy.

You cannot hear well. I sympathize with you. However, you look good. Your pictures look good.

Some guy may like you just the way you are and may be perfect match for you, but he may not have a great picture to post. You will reject him.

Then some guys who have been good looking who never encountered any difficulty in their life and hence have never built character will contact you. You will respond to them, but then realize that you have encountered creeps.

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This page contains a single entry by Michelle published on August 10, 2010 3:23 AM.

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