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will.i.am: Women Need Permission to Have Condoms

| 30 Comments
Rapper will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas was interviewed in 2011 by Elle magazine, which I just saw. He shares various quirks and pet peeves, but this one stopped me cold:

The-Voice-UK-William-BBC.jpgELLE: If you walked into a woman's house, what one item would convince you that you weren't compatible?

W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin' throw me off. That's just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she's got a few in a drawer, wouldn't that simply suggest she's health-conscious?

W: I just think, like, if you're into someone and you guys get to that level, then that's something you should converse about together and say, "Hey, maybe we should get some."
Did will.i.am just say that women need permission from men before they can have condoms? Y'all let me know if I'm wrong. Needless to say, I couldn't disagree more. Having condoms is healthy and sexy. Having condoms is not immoral.

I can't speak for women, but I can certainly speak for myself. As a gay man with HIV, I use condoms. Using condoms does not make me a slut or a pervert. And I don't need permission to use condoms to protect others and myself from harm.

(Hat tip to Lifebeat on Twitter.)


Oriol on:

30 Comments

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Comments on Oriol R. Gutierrez Jr.'s blog entry "will.i.am: Women Need Permission to Have Condoms"

No, you are definitely taking his statements out of context. What he's saying is that he doesn't want someone who's just looking to jump right into sex. Having a stack of condoms means that you are looking for some action, and probably not focusing on getting to know someone first. What is so wrong with waiting until you get to know someone, and THEN discussing your sexual health options?

Only if he applies the same logic to himself can he say it for anyone else. I guess no one bothered to ask him if he had supplies in his drawers...
Personally, and not to sound too cynical, I find it hard to believe that he doesn't have casual sex. In which case I would hope he used condoms. And if he does, well... This statement would make him a hypocritical chauvinist pig.

Get real Amy. You are the one manipulating words. Having condoms does not mean you are 'just looking to jump right into sex', nor does it mean that 'you are just looking for some action'--it means that you are a responsible, health conscious individual.
Just because a woman is aware of how she wants to take care of her body, and the risks she may or may not be willing to take, independently, instead of looking to/submissively answering to her partner does not make them sex crazed nymphos (which are awesome). Its realistic, prepared, and responsible. You have been brainwashed.

by WHOM has Amy been "brainwashed"? she never said she agrees with Will.I.Am's view, only that she sees that the view he expresses is not the view Oriol assigns to him.

personally i find his view silly and parochial, but also quite common. "a woman with condoms on hand is a woman prepared to jump in the sack with someone at a moment's notice"...it's quite a leap he's making, but hardly an uncommon one.

many heterosexual men have fairly uptight views on female sexuality...viewing it thru the old "virgin/whore" dichotomy. "f**k a slut, but marry a virgin". yes, many men view a woman with condoms on hand as a slut...period. however awesome sex-crazed nymphos may be, most men do NOT want to marry one. it inherently threatens their territorial nature.

u can all carry on shouting ur indignation in this echo-chamber, just dont expect it to change Will's view or the views of men like him. that would require something more than a blog reply.

I am so dissappointed with will i am's opinion my husband gave me hiv willing and knowingly. I guess i should have asked him for permission to wear condoms.

What little bit of admiration I had for him has disappeared. I am a heterosexual female and I don'tneed permission from a man to protect myself.

you should converse about together and say, "Hey, maybe we should get some."

TOGETHER where does it say woman needs permission?

He doesn't explicitly say a woman needs permission, but it's clearly implied. Why does a man have to be involved in the decision a woman makes about having condoms? Why can't a woman decide on her own to have condoms?

I think you pretty much answered your own question Jeton...but if it's still not clear to you, then the answer is...MEN. Don't belittle or reduce my words to 'shouting my indignation in an echo chamber,' my purposes for speaking out are also not to change Will's views or the views of men (although that would be nice)...MY REASONS for speaking out and loud about this is because it is DANGEROUS to womens lives and health to perpetuate this bullsh*t stigma that a woman who possesses condoms, who has decided to dictate her personal health HERSELF, is a slut, OR, that a woman who is not meek and submissive, but rather confident and has a health sex life is a slut either. And from experience, as a woman, I have dealt with this sh*t first hand, and I'm f**king tired of it. So you, as a man (I'm assuming) who has never experience this sexist patriarchal bullsh*t, don't mother f**king tell me to can it or belittle my mother f**king words. Thanks.

If a man has condoms is that ok? But for a woman to have some is not?

Disturbing and disappointing to hear someone who is in the position of role model for youth saying something so sexist.

and what is wrong on having condoms available to that time when you want to have sex with that special person? having condoms is Tacky? having condoms means you just are into sex?

Amber, welcome to the Internet...i will reply as i please, provided Oriol doesn't censor me. u also have zero idea what patriarchy i have experienced n fought myself, but don't let truth stop u from huffing n puffing.

the patriarchy u despise so much is still the reigning social structure. u can try attacking Amy n any females who agree with her...but like anyone else, she will attach special importance to the opinions of preferred partners (hetero males, presumably) above all others when it comes to how one must act.

u admit that ur NOT trying to change the opinions of hetero males...so perhaps ur trying to encourage OTHER hetero females to do that heavy lifting instead? if THAT is ur aim, accusing them of being "brainwashed" is weak and self-indulgent...if THAT's all u got, u will fail. when ur not in that target group of mates preferred by the person ur trying to convince, u have to bring something especially persuasive to even get on their radar.

if convincing other hetero females of ur view is NOT ur aim either, then it's back to shouting in an echo chamber...if that's all u intend to do, OWN it.

no, rather, he is evincing the typical male-held double standard of women being held to a different standard than men when it comes to sexual behaviour. I have no respect for this man.

It's jus' plain tacky to invite will.i.am back to your boudoir.

Perhaps we are all surprised to find will.i.am being judgemental...I made my own judgements about him being an educated individual. My bad.
Having been a HIV Educator for many years, I have supplied my two daughters, my nieces and nephews, AND their friends with many condoms, lube, dams, and education. A few times they have been judged by others because they had these products. That just told them that that person was NOT for them: don't waste your time, energy or fun stuff on him/her. I would put will in that catagory. And move on.

Your interpretation is wrong. I am inclined to see it as an excuse to write a sensationalized headline that grabs for attention based on a falsehood. I don't appreciate being treated as if I am that dumb.

Well Jeton, I don't really think it's your business to dictate how my reaction should be to women and men perpetuating the belief that a woman who has made the decision to govern the health of her own body, by possessing condoms, means that they are a slut or just looking for action. I also don't understand your own purposes for commenting on this blog. My purpose is not to argue with some half-wit who is ignoring all the points I'm clearly making and then manipulating them. Just seems like your some jack-off who wants to appear socially conscious by acknowledging the problems of patriarchy, and then saying essentially, so what its mainstream culture, why you gettin all huffy puffy, silly woman... And you dare to criticize my response to this situation. It's also pretty arrogant to assume that I DON'T do anything outside of commenting on a blog, because I do.

Also, yes, this is the internet, but this is a real issue going on in our physical reality. Multiple commenters and the author point out how this has affected them as HIV + individuals. I know that it has affected my life.

In responding to Amy I was making a point to people of all genders and sexualities, not exclusively female. I'm not sorry for refusing to coddle and cajole people that are ignorant enough to perpetuate these beliefs, and it was particularly upsetting to hear a woman speak like a brainwashed misogynist. But I am especially concerned for younger women, who may be easily influenced by reading some male celebrity's ignorant, sexist opinion, seeing as ELLE is a magazine directed towards women.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and everyone in between,
Do not allow yourself to be shamed out of making decisions regarding your bodies health independently. Of course this CAN be a mutual decision between you and your loved one, if you so choose to make it such, but deferring your body's health decisions to another is in fact irresponsible. And do not allow yourself to be shamed for enjoying sex, it is a natural, healthy thing.

This author is over-reacting.

Hes not agains condom use, just is turned off by having condoms "ready to go at a momemnts notice"

I'm not sure how he got the "women needs a man's permission to use condoms" from his statemet - that's just stirring up drama.

I'm with Amy.

"W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin' throw me off. That's just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she's got a few in a drawer, wouldn't that simply suggest she's health-conscious? "

and how exactly does this transcribe to you as "ready to go at a momemnts notice" ????

What a stupid piece of work... condescending, judgmental and sexist.
I suppose it'd be ok if a bird would walk into a bloke's flat and come across some Johnnies???
No, a woman having condoms in her flat is just too much independent spirit, common sense, and too "together" for him to get his miniscule and rare braincells around...
What a tacky talentless wanker... glad I never liked his sh*tty musak anyway and financially contributed to him. I think he should be hirled back to the stone-age, which is just where he belongs... And in future, I suggest he keeps his inane trite to himself.

Wow, sex is all about the spontaneity of the event, its about not having to ask if you and your partner want to get it on, its about knowing that you are your own person inside, If you have never had sex just because you look deeply into her eyes, or his eyes, and you see something you just want to get closer to right now then your missing out on a lot in life, personally I feel sorry for the guy, likely its a sign of some emotional baggage, probably from a woman that did him wrong, or the other way around.

It's not surprising to me that many men think this way , particularly most Black Men who were brought up to beleive their manhood is what's between their legs than what's in their heads. I admire a woman who not only thinking about her sexual health but I'm to think that she are concern about that of mines also. I see his point of view, he's not saying that a woman with ready condoms are just looking to have sex, but baby you can whip one out before we do the do. I'll save mine for the next go-round.

You read my mind!

That is a very sad way of thinking. It has been proven that sexually promisicious people don't get tested as often. If a woman carry protection that does not make her easy.

personally with the epidemic spreading rapidly i think its wonderful to be conscious of what goin on around and inside of you. Personally if you want to go so far will if the person announced his status you would be most likely to shy away and wouldnt want to deal and question why was they not using protection, so to make a statement on women being self aware since it is statistically proven to have a rise in more women demographically, is asinine and lets not repeat because you completely made an ass of yourself especially being a celebrity and their motto is drink, drive and screw

personally with the epidemic spreading rapidly i think its wonderful to be conscious of what goin on around and inside of you. Personally if you want to go so far will if the person announced his status you would be most likely to shy away and wouldnt want to deal and question why was they not using protection, so to make a statement on women being self aware since it is statistically proven to have a rise in more women demographically, is asinine and lets not repeat because you completely made an ass of yourself especially being a celebrity and their motto is drink, drive and screw

Dude, chill out. You are taking his statement out of context. He's not saying "Women should have sex without condoms" he is saying "Sex is such a powerful thing, the entire act needs to be discussed before doing it." Which is actually way better than just sleeping around. That is a little weird getting to know a PERSON and their night stand is stuffed full of condoms and condom wrappers. Not a huge Black-Eyed Peas fan but this will.I.am guy seems solid, you're twisting his words, not good journalism.

Get real. He is saying, he likes to go bare. Condoms, are a turn off for him, because it means the woman, likes to use protection.

Grow up people!

I just read the whole article and if he is that cool, well good for him. Condoms aren't the only deal breaker. He list wet sinks and a lack of baby wipes that put him off. He is just picky and controlling. I'm sure he will find a woman that has those same issues and he will love her just the way she is.

For me, I keep condoms in the house, just in case a visitors needs to swipe them. They are not for me, neither is the ibuprofen. If you ask, I have some. I have baby wipes too, but since when did we as a culture decided we need to wet nap our bums after every poo? Used to be we took showers and if we were going to invite someone to tarry in the area, we washed first.

Wet sinks are annoying, but what could that possibly represent? Momma's boy...

R u serious? A whole lot of bullsh*t over a man that says instead of jumping into to bed lets make our relationship that much deeper by making a decision on birth control together..that's not asking or granting permission ..lol...n its not judgmenta its old fashioned...whether u get the condoms after that talk or u already have em ur still being healthy n responsible but honestly ..n I'm sure a big part of society would agree..cn condoms in a females house does make one think that female has had enuff nights bringing home men ... n realized she was out of condoms so she decides to stock up..lol. it screams promiscuity ...permission? Wtf? Lol!

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This page contains a single entry by Oriol R. Gutierrez Jr. published on April 11, 2012 11:13 AM.

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