September 2009 Archives

First, I want to pay tribute to all the gay men we have lost to this disease, many of whom are responsible for the fact that many of us are alive today. I never had the honor of meeting some of the gay men who were legendary HIV activists and community leaders, doctors, health care workers, research scientists, nurses, government workers, lawyers, politicians and just wonderful people unaffiliated with the community. But as a woman openly living with HIV, I am deeply indebted to all of them for what they did and wish to honor them today.

On this day of national awareness specifically for gay men, all of us living with and affected by HIV/AIDS should take a moment to remind our friends, families, neighbors and acquaintances to know their HIV status by getting tested. Early detection can increase your chances of survival! Yes, it's scary to get tested for HIV, but isn't it scarier to think you might be living with a disease that can be deadly if left untreated and that can be survived, if fought with treatment?

As a straight woman, I don't know what it feels like to be gay. But as a person living with HIV who has battled the stigma around the disease for years, I have an inkling of what it feels like to be marginalized by society (hint: not good). While each circumstance that makes someone feel tossed to the edges of normalcy differs, and the experience is different for each person each time, there are some universal truths shared by all people who fight for their civil rights, their human rights and their dignity. Which is why I plan to go to the HIV/AIDS Rally on the Ellipse in front of the White House on the evening of Saturday, October 10th--and why I will stay for the National Equality March the following day.

Yesterday, I attended the commitment ceremony for Marjorie Hill, executive director of the Gay Men's Health Crisis, and Stacey Bridgeman, Marjorie's long time partner. It was a beautiful ceremony and at the end, Marjorie and Stacey held hands and jumped the broom. I had heard of the tradition that is common at African American weddings, but had never been present to watch two people leap into the air over the broom--defying society's desire to keep some people from the love they deserve to openly share.

For those of you unfamiliar with the tradition, here is an explanatory excerpt from Marjorie and Stacey's wedding program:

"This tradition [of jumping the broom] stems back to the time when our slave ancestors were prevented from marrying. They developed this community ritual as a way to show that a couple was united and to indicate their desire to make a home together. As it was with our ancestors brought to America in bondage, our years of love and commitment will not be recognized by society at large. We jump the broom in recognition of our slave ancestors who not only believed in love, but also believed in freedom. We jump in defiance of unjust and un-holy laws that would deny our right to be together!"

It amazes me that society continues to fail to see the link between intolerance and suffering. All people who sit in righteous judgement of others must be reminded that their act of judging hurts and sometimes even kills other people and that is not noble, no matter what the reason, belief or justification for their judgement. Homophobia makes it difficult for people to not only live the lives they have every right to live, but it also, in the case of HIV/AIDS aids and abets (pardon the pun) the ability of the virus to kill more people. When people fear coming forward for any reason they are less likely to gain the medical knowledge and care that can save their lives. So, for anyone who is homophobic, consider this: is it right to keep another human being from good health because of your personal belief or particular view of the world? I happen to think not. And I think that anyone whose belief causes others physical and emotional harm should not feel smug sitting in judgement of others.

This was a crazy, hectic week (we shipped the November issue of POZ to the printer, my book came out, I attended the General Assembly Meeting at the United Nations and the National Minority AIDS Council's benefit "An Evening Without Politics"). I was exhausted by Saturday. But I am so grateful for finding the energy to be present when Marjorie and Stacey shared their vows and made their leap of faith. My wish for the world on this day is one of greater acceptance and openness and I hope that all people, especially, today, gay men, find a way to lively freely and in good health, despite some people's desire to keep you from that to which you are entitled.

Please check it out here! ; )

Well, in fifty-five  minutes, on September 22, 2009, I will officially be a published author. I can not believe I wrote a book.

More than that, I can't believe you are all reading it. And being so kind and encouraging. What's so amazing is how you all see different things in the book. Different parts resonate with different people and in a way, it is fascinating to me as it's a window through which I see you all better. (Don't cry Sly! I know, I know!)

I wrote a piece about the book that appeared in Sunday's NY Post. See it here (don't know if it will show up on your computer but there was a rock climber repelling down the face of the article on my computer. Which was strangely appropriate as that's kind of how I feel. I reached my goal of writing the book, and am now sliding down, swinging slowly back to earth after struggling to summit.) A word about the picture. I look totally haggard partially because my local watering hole had the best retro tunes on on Friday night and I was allowed to stay with friends way past closing. And partially because the NY Post photographer took the pic on Saturday afternoon in my bright sunlit-strewn hayfield. Minutes after stepping into the sun, my face was encased in a tiny tornado of gnats, hence, the half-closed eyes to avoid them landing on my eyeballs. I accidentally swallowed a few while laughing, thinking about what my neighbor's cows (named Hamburger and Steak) must have thought of me alternately swatting wildly at the bugs and trying to smile. The must have felt sorry for me for not having a tail to swish the flies off my face as they do.

Anyway, for those of you who saw the piece in the Post...how hilarious was the juxtaposition of the "Weird But True" headline on the column to the left with the headline for my story: "HIV Fighter Lives to Tell Tale"? I love the Post. And I love that all my most well-educated friends admit to reading it religiously, even if they have to admit that it's a "guilty pleasure" in the same sentence. I was very grateful for the way the editors handled it. What a lovely editor I had. And, not that I'm a diva but as I live miles from the nearest country store, I asked if the photographer would bring me a Diet Coke as I'd been at my desk all day and was out of caffeine. He did! I'll try to post the photo... 

Saturday, in between edits on the NY Post piece, I did the Mary Jones radio show in CT. There was a lovely guest host who said, in one of my all-time-favorite media moments: Now, I'm going to ask you a question, but you don't have to answer..how did you get HIV? Think I paused for a second? Nope. I'll post the audio clip when I get it.

Tomorrow is the POZ annual get together...Wednesday I am filming a TV show with Kenneth Cole, interviewing Dr. Eric Goosby, the new head of the President's Emergency AIDS Plan for Relief and then heading over to the United Nations where the Millennium Foundation is making a special announcement in front of several heads of state about an innovative AIDS funding concept. Then, it's off to the Congressional Black Caucus in DC to support the National Minority AIDS Council...then a wedding. Thank heavens Sundays are days of rest!

Speaking of which, I'm off to dream of being a bestseller...Thank you so much for all of your support. I always wanted to be a writer. But I never imagined that the best part of being one was not holding the book in your hands, but rather seeing the impact it has on people you love, respect, and, in some cases, are just getting to know.

For some reason, I forgot that memoirs get reviewed. I think that's because I didn't make up "I Have Something to Tell You"--it's all true! Regardless, I am so grateful that blogger Melody Simpson (also a Jersey Girl, I discovered) liked it. So far, the book (which comes out Tuesday! Holy smokes!) has only been read by a handful of people who care enough to be honest with me, but who I suspect would be encouraging no matter what. After all, what is someone REALLY going to say? It's one thing to weigh in on a rough draft...another to remark on a fait accompli. Well, here's the link. Can't wait to hear what the rest of you think!

I am eating brownies from God's Love We Deliver, an amazing organization based on Spring Street in downtown Manhattan that feeds people in the Tri-State area who are too ill to go out and food shop and cook for themselves or to go out to eat. God's Love started feeding people who were dying from AIDS in the mid '80s and the organization has evolved to give nutritional support to people with many types of illnesses, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes and HIV/AIDS. But, the cool thing is that though they once fed HIV-positive people carb-rich meals to try to help them combat wasting disease and comfort food, as they were dying, today God's Love is feeding more and more positive people diets low in fat and high in protein; diets meant to bolster the immune system and support people nutritionally so they can get back on their feet and back out into the world. I've recently agreed to participate in God's Love Leadership Council and last night they had a dinner for a wonderful group of people who support the organization philanthropically. I co-hosted the dinner with a dear friend of mine, Michael Sennott, who is co-chair of the God's Love We Deliver board. And I got a chance to chat with long-time supporter of God's Love--Blaine Trump. What a lovely woman she is. Funny, whip-smart, gracious, so pretty and elegant. And totally devoted to helping those in need. The CEO of God's Love, Karen Pearl, was one of POZ Magazine's "35 Ones to Watch" three years ago and to see how she has expanded the capacity of the organization is a testament to her character--a character that led us to include her on the list. They serve thousands of meals a day, prepared by an army of about 1,400 volunteers. They save lives, and man, can they make a mean brownie.

I am now working on the feature story for POZ and an article that will appear in the New York Post this sunday. Before leaving Manhattan tonight, I interviewed Bernard Salome, Managing Director of an amazing organization based in Geneva called the Millennium Foundation that has clever, innovative, global solutions to raising more money to fight AIDS. Stay tuned for a web exclusive that I will post on POZ.com next week after I see the launch of Millennium's new Big Idea at the United Nations' General Assembly.

Okay, back to the brownies, and to writing!

Tomorrow, President Obama will address the nation's youth as they start their first day of school. His much discussed speech (some parents are so worried about what he will say to our little ones that they have threatened to keep their kids home from school to prevent them from being "brainwashed" by Obama's words) can be read here.

I imagine the posting of the speech was in response to those who wished to censor their children's access to it (a gesture to show that the speech contained no evil ideas or untoward influence) and while I think the suggestion that our elected leader should have to share his words prior to giving them is insulting to him, I think it's clever of the White House to post it online because now ALL kids will get their hands and eyes on it, even (and especially) if their parents try to block their access.

I also think it's great that Obama's words are posted for those people who doubted his intentions...because when those same doubters scour the speech searching for dangerous subliminal messages with which Obama intended to brainwash America's unsuspecting youth they will find, instead, a heck of a great message. And perhaps those who feared Obama's intentions will realize what a brilliant man, leader and dad he is. I dare anyone to take offense to his offerings in this speech.

I found Obama's words inspiring, though they were not written for me and though it's been many, many years since my last first day of school.

In it, he calls on children to serve themselves and their country by committing themselves to a mission and working on it until the problem is solved.

Here's how he mentions AIDS: