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The Pharmacology of Me


There they are; all my friends.  Snug in their little coffins lying happily akimbo without rhyme or reason.  They are just there.  But not really you and I know.  They have purpose and they have plans.  Without them a dark harbinger snickers in the background.  With them the laughter is even louder at times yet I take them.  A Hobson's choice I know but a choice still the same.

The pear shaped tan one is to keep my heart from exploding.  Like that could never happen anyway?  But I take it.  My high blood pressure likely induced by some of the other inhabitants in the box needs to be treated before my ticker some ticking or my brain pops a top.  So much for being a jock.  Kind of really disappointed in this event.  After all, I take great pride in my workout ethic and body yet I still swallow a pear shaped tan one along with some good old fashion aspirin to keep my blood thin and slick from the effects of the other ones.  Oh well, nothing is perfect.

Then there are the two, did I mention two?, bi-colored capsules that seem to be needed to help regulate chemicals in my brain to keep on even keel.  I often wonder if this keel is even what the hell does the off one feel like?  Gotta take these suckers since I do not want to find out.  The keel I am on may not be steady but is the keel I got.  Everyone knows that keel you know is better than the keel you don't.

Now comes the oblong pink ones whose power is strong but short lived apparently.  I take these pink dolls twice a day.  They are just part of the family of friends of that keep simple infections from entering my body (or in medical speak "host"; I hate thinking of ME as a "host for infection".  Sure I can host a dinner party.  Host a grudge.  I suppose I can host many a thing, but why the hell do I have to a potential "host for infection"? )  Swallow the damn thing Ferri and shut up already there are others waiting their turn.

The big blue one is actually two medications slammed together working at helping with fending off the hosting duties.  Big blue ones always remind me of swallowing Smurfs.  I hate Smurfs.

Sitting next to the big blue one is another oblong pink one ready kick some HIV ass once again.  Go pink!  The remaining regulars on my hit parade are both yellowish and odd.  One is hard and chalky which has been in my body for over 15 years.  It also helps hammer down the HIV.  Taking into account a modest underestimation I have ingested 3,485,000 milligrams of this one drug alone.  The very mixed blessing of no end in sight haunts this potential "host".

The other yellow one is because I am an old man with a prostate the size of a small island ready for inhabitation.  If it gets any bigger I can expect some crazed urologist will want to send down some nukes via my penis to blow up the Isle of Dribble.  Now how sexy will that be?!

Of course there are all the others that come and go like the women who talk of Michelangelo.  The pills that allow me to take my pills.  Countless in numbers and varieties.  Treat my pain, but not too well since I know the drill.  It is the first pill that gets you high.  One pill I take. Two pills the pill take.  Then the pills take me or so it goes.  Pill to pills to bottles to needles to death.  Just suck it up.

Some days I do not feel like a man.  I feel like a chemistry experiment.  Inside me is not just blood and tissue but designer drugs to make me go.  Mark me.  Slow me down and speed me up. 

Today I am just the pharmacology of me. 



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Comments on Richard Ferri, PhD, ANP's blog entry "The Pharmacology of Me"

Oh how well I know the "drill" of those pills! Miss you Ric!

Ric, You said it all for me! Sometimes when I get in 1 of those moods, get thinking of all those Meds. put in my system as of today going back to does overwhelm me HOWEVER am still here! AC

Today the virals of pills feel even viral.

Today is Christmas eve. I am joyous Christian who know that Christ is the savor of the the (MY) world. However as I head out to mass to praise his Birth and the Word Made Flesh my stomach churns as I slip on Depends. May God grant me the serenity not to crap in my pants during mass.

Dear Mr. Babcock,

Happy Birthday. We love you.


Only an old friend can help coax out the blues like you.

Dear Mr. Babcock,

Yes, happy birthday -- it's mine too! -- and yes, we do love you very much!

Older Patrick

today is my 55th birthday as life peels away a milligram at a time. I just assume this is normal since I do not know any different. however, the big question is that maybe I should. I think what is peeling away is nothing that a pill can handle. Life sometimes kicks your ass,and other times gives you walking papers. How many milligrams are there in walking papers?

Richard,How ture are the words you speak.This past May my partner of 30 years became ill.I was told by our Doctor I needed to "deal with his illness and let him go" I did not, I moved him out of the better one.Today he is doing O.K.One needs to stand up to a caregiver and go with your gut felling.Our Doctor had the balls to tell me that I did not have a medical background.I told him what I have is the 30 years of living with the man.After 13 years of meds.for my self I feel I know my body and what works.
Warm Regards,William

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This page contains a single entry by Richard Ferri published on December 2, 2010 6:47 PM.

World AIDS Day 2010 was the previous entry in this blog.

"It is Never Just HIV": The debate that never happened is the next entry in this blog.

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