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    <title>Richard&apos;s POZ Blog</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/" />
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    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009-03-02:/richard//32</id>
    <updated>2009-11-11T19:20:08Z</updated>
    <subtitle>Notes from a Positive Health Care Provider</subtitle>
    <generator uri="http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/">Movable Type Pro 4.24-en</generator>

<entry>
    <title>Facing Defiance</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/11/facing_defiance.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2346</id>

    <published>2009-11-08T21:43:09Z</published>
    <updated>2009-11-11T19:20:08Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[ I am slowly sitting up in the dimly light room.&nbsp; I am naked but I make sure my crotch is covered with the thick warm blankets that have been provided for me.&nbsp; My eyes are adjusting to the dimmed...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[ I am slowly sitting up in the dimly light room.&nbsp; I am naked but I make sure my crotch is covered with the thick warm blankets that have been provided for me.&nbsp; My eyes are adjusting to the dimmed...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Viral Bravado</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/10/viral_bravado.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2301</id>

    <published>2009-10-10T18:40:41Z</published>
    <updated>2009-10-10T19:20:58Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[&nbsp; The lighting may becoming too dim for me to see clearly anymore.&nbsp; I am stepping back and letting go and losing ground.&nbsp; I feel wickedly free and manacled.&nbsp; I am tired of being me.&nbsp; It is just that simple...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[&nbsp; The lighting may becoming too dim for me to see clearly anymore.&nbsp; I am stepping back and letting go and losing ground.&nbsp; I feel wickedly free and manacled.&nbsp; I am tired of being me.&nbsp; It is just that simple...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Just Plain Nuts</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/09/just_plain_nuts.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2249</id>

    <published>2009-09-07T11:53:28Z</published>
    <updated>2009-09-07T11:54:49Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[Sometimes it is the quite moments that speak the loudest.&nbsp; I was leaning against the door frame to patient's room in a nursing home. The thought of crossing over the threshold kept my position in check.&nbsp; If I moved the...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[Sometimes it is the quite moments that speak the loudest.&nbsp; I was leaning against the door frame to patient's room in a nursing home. The thought of crossing over the threshold kept my position in check.&nbsp; If I moved the...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Mrs. Flibbergibit Speaks...</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/07/mrs_flibbergibit_spe.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2189</id>

    <published>2009-07-26T21:10:37Z</published>
    <updated>2009-07-26T21:22:06Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[ Mrs. Flibbergibit is about to come out of the closet of my mind where she has been in residence for decades.&nbsp; Mrs. Flibbergibit is one cool chick.&nbsp; Nothing fazes her.&nbsp; I tested positive about 15 years ago and it...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[ Mrs. Flibbergibit is about to come out of the closet of my mind where she has been in residence for decades.&nbsp; Mrs. Flibbergibit is one cool chick.&nbsp; Nothing fazes her.&nbsp; I tested positive about 15 years ago and it...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Angles, Punks and Raging Queens</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/06/angles_punks_and_raging_queens.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2090</id>

    <published>2009-06-28T21:28:31Z</published>
    <updated>2009-06-29T10:32:32Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA["...I long for the mix of the bad old days of ball gowns and torn jeans...and I sing this song for the souls who have gone...sweet angles, punks, and raging queens..."* &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Four decades have passed since the Stone Wall...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA["...I long for the mix of the bad old days of ball gowns and torn jeans...and I sing this song for the souls who have gone...sweet angles, punks, and raging queens..."* &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Four decades have passed since the Stone Wall...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Good Night Alice</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/06/good_night_alice.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2063</id>

    <published>2009-06-14T22:44:25Z</published>
    <updated>2009-06-14T22:50:06Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[&nbsp;Alice Foley is dead and I am not feeling so great myself. Alice Foley MSN, RN died recently in Provincetown.&nbsp; Alice was one of the early and brave pioneers in the AIDS epidemic.&nbsp; She was also a pain in the...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[&nbsp;Alice Foley is dead and I am not feeling so great myself. Alice Foley MSN, RN died recently in Provincetown.&nbsp; Alice was one of the early and brave pioneers in the AIDS epidemic.&nbsp; She was also a pain in the...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>A Chaos Junkie Speaks</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/05/a_choas_junkie_speak.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.2033</id>

    <published>2009-05-27T21:19:17Z</published>
    <updated>2009-05-28T20:05:14Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[It finally hit me the other day what has been bothering me for several weeks.&nbsp; Nothing.&nbsp; All is calm; all is bright.&nbsp; I cannot fucking stand it. &nbsp; I am a chaos junkie just as sure as I am a...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[It finally hit me the other day what has been bothering me for several weeks.&nbsp; Nothing.&nbsp; All is calm; all is bright.&nbsp; I cannot fucking stand it. &nbsp; I am a chaos junkie just as sure as I am a...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>The First  Contradictions of a Positive Addict</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/05/the_first_contraidic.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1924</id>

    <published>2009-05-04T00:21:33Z</published>
    <updated>2009-05-04T22:24:03Z</updated>

    <summary> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:&quot;Table Normal&quot;; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:&quot;&quot;; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} I love being sober; I want to drink...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
         Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:&quot;Table Normal&quot;; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:&quot;&quot;; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} I love being sober; I want to drink...
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</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Just a Simple Question...</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/04/just_a_simple_questi.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1903</id>

    <published>2009-04-21T00:51:19Z</published>
    <updated>2009-04-21T00:59:27Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[Can someone explain to me why I feel like shit?&nbsp; Here is the deal.&nbsp; I am 53 years old, work out 6 days a week and it shows, my "numbers" are excellent, I do not drink, smoke, or drug at...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[Can someone explain to me why I feel like shit?&nbsp; Here is the deal.&nbsp; I am 53 years old, work out 6 days a week and it shows, my "numbers" are excellent, I do not drink, smoke, or drug at...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Test Tube Boys and Other Acts of Chemistry</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/04/test_tube_boys_and_o.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1895</id>

    <published>2009-04-16T21:08:20Z</published>
    <updated>2009-04-16T22:34:46Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[I am just staring blankly at the young gay "man-boy" sitting in my exam room.&nbsp; I know my eyes have glazed over and am hoping he doesn't notice, but&nbsp;then I remember he is a test tube boy.&nbsp; He is not...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[I am just staring blankly at the young gay "man-boy" sitting in my exam room.&nbsp; I know my eyes have glazed over and am hoping he doesn't notice, but&nbsp;then I remember he is a test tube boy.&nbsp; He is not...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>How to Kill Your T Cells Without Really Trying</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/03/how_to_kill_your_t_c.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1792</id>

    <published>2009-03-30T11:30:33Z</published>
    <updated>2009-03-30T12:57:03Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[I admit it right up front.&nbsp; I hate all tobacco.&nbsp; Second hand smoke killed my late husband, sent my mother to her grave at 71, and I have lost hundreds of patients of to tobacco over the years.&nbsp; In fact,...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[I admit it right up front.&nbsp; I hate all tobacco.&nbsp; Second hand smoke killed my late husband, sent my mother to her grave at 71, and I have lost hundreds of patients of to tobacco over the years.&nbsp; In fact,...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Never be a Good Patient!</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/03/we_are_not_our_numbe.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1786</id>

    <published>2009-03-25T10:19:31Z</published>
    <updated>2009-03-25T11:52:12Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[I am so damn tired of this...I am not my fucking T cell count or viral load level and I wish to hell people would stop treating me like I am.&nbsp; It is degrading, and worse yet, it puts up...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[I am so damn tired of this...I am not my fucking T cell count or viral load level and I wish to hell people would stop treating me like I am.&nbsp; It is degrading, and worse yet, it puts up...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Just Four Weeks Ago Tonight...</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/03/just_four_weeks_ago.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1776</id>

    <published>2009-03-20T22:43:18Z</published>
    <updated>2009-03-20T22:51:28Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[I feel down the stairs, broke four ribs, punctured a lung, nearly bleed to death, and certainly almost died.&nbsp; Yet I am here after returning to work, my T cells have shot up to over 600 without any detectable viral...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[I feel down the stairs, broke four ribs, punctured a lung, nearly bleed to death, and certainly almost died.&nbsp; Yet I am here after returning to work, my T cells have shot up to over 600 without any detectable viral...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>&quot;Sanitized for Your Protection&quot;</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/03/santized_for_your_pr.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1771</id>

    <published>2009-03-18T21:27:43Z</published>
    <updated>2009-03-20T22:43:01Z</updated>

    <summary><![CDATA[We all know life can be a very dirty business.&nbsp; Over the past few days I have had some very distinct reminders of this and they are beginning to wear me down.&nbsp; Recently, I have had people "let me know"...]]></summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/">
        <![CDATA[We all know life can be a very dirty business.&nbsp; Over the past few days I have had some very distinct reminders of this and they are beginning to wear me down.&nbsp; Recently, I have had people "let me know"...]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Reflections of a Potted Plant</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://blogs.poz.com/richard/archives/2009/03/reflections_of_a_pot.html" />
    <id>tag:blogs.poz.com,2009:/richard//32.1759</id>

    <published>2009-03-12T23:19:01Z</published>
    <updated>2009-03-13T01:36:42Z</updated>

    <summary>I have been thinking about my three days in a nursing home (excuse me...a rehab facility...but it sure as hell looked and smelled like a nursing home to me!) after I was discharged from the hospital after recuperating from my...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Richard Ferri</name>
        
    </author>
    
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        I have been thinking about my three days in a nursing home (excuse me...a rehab facility...but it sure as hell looked and smelled like a nursing home to me!) after I was discharged from the hospital after recuperating from my...
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