Ron's POZ Blog

Life’s happenings has trumped my HIV – mostly

I cannot decide whether I like it or it sucks.

I have been keeping myself busy with so many things.

First, I had March that heralded spring. St. Paddy’s Day was quiet though and I focused on Easter because I was going to cook for my parents – being a dutiful gay son. I had started exercising and eating right soon after but again my back began bothering me. So, I went to my doctor and also spoke to a therapist who both told me I was pushing myself too hard with trying to walk. Too much, too fast. I was told to concentrate on lower stress, low-impact and cardio exercise and therapies. So, I have been re-working some of my more demanding exercises with more rides on the stationary bike, less stressful parallel bars, calisthenics and Pilates routines. I still use my rolling walker every day too. But now, I try to use it more to do little things to help build up strength in my lower back and stand to do everyday chores like dishwashing. I am determined to lose another 10 pounds and to build up stamina to walk – even if it’s only with the walker! Setting a more realistic goal has been harder for me, but it is the smart thing to do.

I REALLY hate the idea of spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair!

The weather has been much better here especially in April so I made sure to enjoy the sun and warm weather. I was able to sun bathe a number of times which I liked a lot. Oh, I know the health concerns. But, I always use sun block, never allow myself to burn and limit my time to actually lie in the sun to an hour and a half each day at the most. I try to be smart even when I love doing something that many say are bad for you. It makes me feel wonderful and reminds me that I am not dead yet. So, I don’t act like I am.

The sunnier weather has given me added ambition to do house cleaning chores that I have let go for the winter. And, yes, from my power chair too! I have done so many of the hated or un-thought of projects from wiping down kitchen cabinets to shampooing the living room carpet.

The warmer weather has inspired me to exchange my fall/ winter clothes for my spring wardrobe of shorts, Ts and short-sleeved shirts. Of course, with the past few days as April ended, I was glad I kept handy a few sweatpants and heavy shirts! I even cleaned my room for spring, changing my bed spread too, to a lighter, more summer-like weight and look. Well, for the 2 weeks of 70s and low 80s, it all was a fortuitous change, but lately, hardly – thank God for heat!

Speaking of gas – whether for heat or my mini-van – what sticker shock as it continues to climb. I find myself being so much more frugal in trying to stretch it. Thank God/dess, it has been getting warmer and sunnier and less heat has been needed. But, for sure, I plan to be a bit smarter when it comes to the air conditioning later in the summer! My driving has become an all day event out for groceries, dog food, dry goods, pharmacy, etc. to make one big trip every few days. I ask my parents if they need anything too, so I can pick it up for them as I go to do my errands.

No more just going for a joy ride or going to pick up one thing anymore! BUT, I am still planning my road trips to New Hope/ Philadelphia and New York City.

I have been reading up and catching up on different comments and BLOGs on AIDSMeds.com and today I had the funniest comment every posted to one of my posts, “More than a wheelchair; more than HIV”. I was told that by using ice compresses on my head daily that I would be cured of my PML and, as an added bonus, any “immoral gay thoughts!” THAT made me chuckle – I am sorry, but I do not see myself as an immoral human being!

In March and April, I decided to be more pro-active in meeting men via Internet. Well….

After a concentrated effort to connect with gay men, I was able to garner a few very good and nice pen pals both HIV positive and negative, of all ages. But, along the way, Lordy – some of the guys are just on there for sex – big surprise, right? Not really. What did surprise me was the number of men looking to “discuss safe sex” or not even disclosing their status at the very start. I would be worried not to. I am more afraid if they are truly negative or of other STDs. And, the other amazing thing is how guys will still believe a partner who claims to be negative or clean without a second thought.

Other than being a cyber hussy, I became a sympathetic ear for some and I felt good being able to help an indecisive guy or a guy just down and out. I am good at being uplifting!! I am also grateful some guys bestow their life’s lessons on me or impart some wizened bit of advice.

Oh, and I voted for the first time. I voted in the Pennsylvania primary on the 22nd and I will only confirm I registered Democrat and voted as such. I don’t want to start a big debate on which Democrat I voted for, but I am sure most would agree – 8 years of Bush is WAY too much! I had to vote if I am going to complain! HE HE