March 2008 Archives

On Friday, Gwenn and I spoke at the Empowering Heroes Conference in St. Paul, Minnesota, and had the chance to talk with Jeanne White. I finally got a chance to thank her for speaking at James Madison University in 1998.

Why? Because that's where Gwenn and I met.

In my book, My Pet Virus, I attribute that chance encounter to her son, Ryan, pulling strings from above to help a fellow thinblood out. Even though the AIDS activist community is fairly small, I'd never had the privilege of really speaking with Jeanne White before last Friday

And, let it be known- Jeanne White rocks. She has a really good sense of humor, and is like the Godmother of all the thinblooded positoids from the 1980's. In addition to Jeanne, I got to meet a lot of positoids and negatoids who equally rocked my socks. And what was cool about the conference was that, when Gwenn and I spoke, she was in the minority as someone living without HIV: there were newly diagnosed, long-term survivors and other sero-diverse couples... I really enjoyed sharing my experiences with this crowd... my crowd!

Make no mistake: I love what Gwenn and I do, in regard to our public speaking/education work. I understand that- in the eyes of our standardly HIV negative audiences- that I begin our talks as some sort of circus oddity: MAN WITH AIDS! SEE HIM SPEAK! HE SLEEPS WITH HIS WIFE... WHO DOESN'T HAVE AIDS!

Last Friday, that pressure to debunk that initial perception wasn't there. I didn't even notice until we started, it was like an unexpected breath of fresh air. And, I won't lie, I relished that clean feeling that only a roomful of positoids could provide.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Check out my music, Synthetic Division, LIVE: Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose). And please consider supporting Gwenn and I by clicking, you guessed it, Support.

Here's the inteview I did with Ric Flair, hope you enjoy! -S

Have you done an interview for an HIV/AIDS magazine before?

I never have done one, ever.

Well, this is an honor to break you into the HIV market.

OK.

As somebody living with hemophilia I gotta know one thing: what was your bloodiest match?

I don’t know, Shawn. That would be very hard, to think back over the last 35 years to think of the bloodiest. I’ve had a lot of ‘em.

In all your years of wrestling, have you ever been in the ring and worried about the amount of blood you were losing?

No, I have not. I don’t think like that when I’m in the ring.

That fascinates me, I remember so many times as a kid being worried about your health. You’re kind of like a superhero for people who don’t have a lot of clotting factor.

(Laughs.) I guess, I never thought of it like that. In terms of that, I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

It’s a good thing! Trust me!
When I was growing up, you were the first anti-hero I gravitated towards: a bad guy that people loved. Did you have any anti-heroes as a kid?

I did not. The two athletes I really liked growing up were Wilt Chamberlain and Joe Namath.

At the beginning of your career you were in a plane crash. How did that near-death experience change your outlook on life?

I don’t know that it did. At the time I was worried as to whether or not I’d be able to wrestle again. It probably humbled me a little bit. At that point I was in the infancy of my career. I didn’t relive it or think about it much after the first year.

Did your family or friends express any concern about you getting re-injured?

No.

Going back to the question of blood in pro wrestling- in the 1980’s there was widespread panic about how HIV was transmitted. People weren’t sure if you could get it from handshakes or sweating. Given that aura, how did the wrestling business address the issue of HIV in the 80’s?

I don’t know that we did. I don’t think we thought of it in terms of that. It was just something that was there. There were obviously concerns, but I don’t think anybody was preoccupied with that worry in wrestling.

Nobody ever discussed it in the dressing room, like “What’s going on with this?” I know wrestlers, in terms of the lifestyle outside of the ring, there can be a lot partying and unsafe sex…

Shawn, you know what, I’m not comfortable with this interview right now. We’re going in the wrong direction, and I don’t want to discuss it anymore.

Anymore about?

We’re going the wrong the way with the interview, I’m not comfortable with it.

OK, let’s change course a little bit. In terms of being out there in the public domain, you endorsed Mike Huckabee. Did the WWE have a problem with you endorsing a political candidate?

No, not at all. Never said a word to me about it.

Hypothetical question: Hell-in-Cell steel cage match, who would win between Mike Huckabee, Hillary Clinton and John McCain, with yourself and Chuck Norris being banned from ringside?

Absolutely Mike Huckabee. (Both laugh.)

You wouldn’t be the special guest referee by any chance would ya?

Uh uh.

Hillary and McCain's people didn't read the fine print of the contract: Flair- sharing a diabolical laugh with "The Huck"- is reffing the match.

In wrestling, one of the things people like is that anything can happen. Wrestling referees are ribbed across the board for missing things. What do you think will come first: a cure for AIDS or a universal eye-care plan for pro wrestling officials?

I don’t know and once again I’m not really comfortable with this interview. I’m not going to make light of that at all.

Of AIDS?

Yes. I’m really uncomfortable with the whole interview to be honest with you.

I apologize. I just wanted to talk to you because you kind of one of my pop-culture idols. And in terms of...

I appreciate all of that. I just don’t like the way the interview is going. I really appreciate that you respect me and I certainly wish you very well in life. I just can’t be commenting on stuff like this.

OK, all the best to you.

And to you.

Thanks for taking the time, I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable about anything in this interview.

I just didn’t know we’d discuss anything personal or talk about wrestling in that light. They’re two different things: wrestling doesn’t have anything to do with HIV, it just doesn’t.

There are a lot of sports- hockey has blood, football has blood- just a lot of the sports. I just don’t want to connect wrestling in any way, shape or form. We’re very sympathetic, obviously, the world is as we are individually. HIV: we don’t talk about it in terms of wrestling.

In basketball they didn’t really address it until Magic Johnson came back in the 90’s. You’re one of the few guys who have been in the wrestling before HIV hit through today, when more is known about how it is transmitted. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, and I wish you the very best.

Thank you Shawn, so much. Best of luck to you.

Twenty-one years ago today, I took the biggest test of my life at age 11: my HIV test.

If you don't know the results of that particular test, you haven't been following along very closely on this blog. And that's totally cool- often times this blog is more about laughing at life than detailing every detail of already much-detailed existence with my pet virus.

But today, on his big 21st b-day, I am stepping aside to give him the spotlight and buy him a well-deserved drink. It's been a long, strange journey, virus, and I look forward to getting you an "Over The Hill" t-shirt in nineteen years.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

I'll probably just buy it a milkshake. "I Drink AIDS's Milkshake!"

Check out my music, Synthetic Division, LIVE: Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose). Live in DC at Midnight (www.dcmidnight.com) Saturday, June 7.

Give a toast to my pet virus, make a donation to the AIDS Walk by clicking Support.

Some months ago I posted a fanciful blog in which I challenged Ric and Mike Huckabee to a steel cage match with Dennis Kucinich as my tag-team partner.

This was a comical response to Huckabee's early 90's comments on people with HIV (that they should be isolated), Flair's endorsement of Huckabee for President, and my fleeting man crush on Kucinich.

Well, a lot has changed since December... Huckabee is out, as is Kucinich. I developed a serious case of Obamania, and Ric Flair put politics on hold in order to perfect his wrestling holds in preparation for his (possibly) last match at Wrestlemania this coming Sunday.

But, along the way, a funny thing happened: I spoke with Ric Flair on the telephone.

The result is in the April issue of Poz magazine, and you can read my column by clicking on the picture above. I'll be posting some of the Q&A session here at a later time. Hope you enjoy the piece.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Check out my music, Synthetic Division, LIVE: Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose).

I won't be "walking that aisle" to a wrestling ring anytime soon, as Ric Flair puts it, but I will be walking in the NY AIDS Walk. Please consider supporting Gwenn and I by clicking Support.

Happy Easter!

I really just wanted to post that picture again. Found it on last year's blog, when I interviewed the Easter Bunny and we spoke about my then-obsession with Sanjaya and the Vote For the Worst mini-scandal.

Ah, that was awesome: I signed up for their forums, where they try to manipulate American Idol results by voting for the worst singer, and posted about how I was supporting Sanjaya as someone living with AIDS, and posted numerous cheap plug references to My Pet Virus.

When they rightfully banned me, I cried foul: AIDS discrimination. The little twerp who runs the site freaked when a few readers of this blog wrote, "Why did you ban Shawn Decker for having AIDS?"

Eric Cartman of Southpark would have been proud.

I didn't get an interview with Easter Bunny... er, Rabbit, this year. But I did get an interview with another one of my childhood heroes. More in the next blog.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Check out my music, Synthetic Division, LIVE: Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose).

Click Support to sponsor Gwenn and I in the AIDS Walk NY!

Last weekend, Gwenn and I went to DC to see the Gay Men's Chorus perform a tribute to the 80's. I'd be remiss if I didn't say how awesome it was, particularly the opening number, "Mr. Roboto".

There's something inspiring about seeing roughly 70 gay men sing, in unison, "Secret secret, I've got a secret!" Especially knowing that, thankfully, if any of them do have a secret it's not in regard to their sexual orientation.

Near the end, there was a touching tribute to key moments in the HIV/AIDS crisis. What kind of 80's show is it without AIDS?

"I've got a secret, I've been hiding, under my skin." - STYX

Right now Mr. Roboto is kicking the shit out of the Decker-Barringer household: Monday, we lost our new Mac: it was two-months old. Before we could even register the loss, Wednesday brought more turmoil when I attempted to heat up a sandwich and the microwave flatlined, too. Now, it is nothing more than a glorified timer for the oven which is, as of this hour, still in working order.(And cooking a pizza as I write.)

But far worse than that, Gwenn has been befallen by one of the cold/coughs going around. A friend had it, and damaged a vocal chord coughing. It's a funny balance being a positoid and wanting to take care of a negatoid partner. There's that, "Need anything? Anything I can put on a ten-foot pole or slide to you with a rake?"

Without the aide of a rake, I've avoided all these things that are going around. Although I did get a tickle in my throat earlier tonight, just after I ran through the Synthetic Division with Marshall, the keyboard player/badass. I'm hoping any would-be ailments stay away until after the show in Richmond on Saturday, the first one of the Synthetic Division National Tour.

Luckily, I have a month to rest up before the 2nd and final show of the tour, which is in L.A. next month.

OK, it's time to get the pizza out of Mr. Oven. Domo arigato, Mr. Oven.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Live in or around Richmond? Come out and see my band on Saturday night at Alley Katz. Click to hear all the bands that are playing... In L.A.? Then don't forget about the show Saturday, April 19 at the Galaxy on Melrose.

On Monday I went to my old stomping grounds, Waynesboro, to meet up with my family for dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse. The new kid on the block, Helayna, was there, as was my 9-year old niece, Katelyn. Halfway through dinner, I leaned over to Katie and asked her about something that had been bothering me.

"Is your sister mad at me?"

"What Uncle Poo?"

"She's not talking to me..." I started.

"SHE CAN'T TALK!"

Fortunately for Katie and Helayna, they're too young to vote, too. I write this because 2008 is a tough election cycle for the family Decker: my parents love Hillary, my bro has always carried the burden of being the sole Republican in a "blue family" (I've had it easier as the guy with AIDS in the family) and I'm for Obama.

At dinner, the chef was flipping pieces of food into our mouths. We all had a good time and, thankfully, political views were not on the menu. There was no discussion over who would answer a phone at 3 A.M. Personally, the thought of having a Phone Sleeper as President makes me sick to my stomach, but that's my issue, which I've already touched upon in a previous blog.

One funny thing Mom said a couple of weeks ago was: "Obama is pie in the sky! Hillary will put bread on the table!" Are they running for the President of Russia, 1908? (I don't know Russian history, be nice, History majors.)

For a lot of reasons, my parents think people will flock to McCain if it comes down to him and Obama. That Hillary is tough enough to take him down, that "it takes a Clinton to clean up after a Bush!" In some ways, it's win-win for me: if Obama gets the nomination that's great, since I really think he's the best person of the final three for the job.

If Hillary does, then I don't have to hear anymore slogans or doomsday scenarios.

And, I guess, if John McCain gets elected, I don't have to worry about being drafted to fight in a war. The Army hasn't- as of yet- been strained to the point where they are reaching out to thinbloods. But I'll let everyone know if I see an Army Recruiter at the next hemophilia conference. (I know, there's no talk of draft.)

Whatever the outcome, I simply don't want politics to put a strain on any of the relationships I have with the people I love most because, God only knows, I'm still trying to rebuild my relationship with young Helayna, who still isn't returning my phone calls.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Check out my synth duo, Synthetic Division, LIVE: This Saturday, March 22 in Richmond, Virginia (Alley Katz) and Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose).

Click Support to sponsor Gwenn and I in the AIDS Walk NY!

In the latest episode of South Park, Eric Carman gets HIV from a blood transfusion during a tonsillectomy gone horribly wrong. ("One in a billion chance," the doctor says of his infection, before offering him some ice cream.)

So what does he do? He injects his friend in the lip with HIV.

But don't worry, they are cured soon thereafter by injecting money into their blood stream. Anyone who has seen the cost of HIV medications firsthand can relate to that.

Did Cartman handle his brief existence with HIV in the best way? Probably not, but his brave battle did not go unnoticed here. I made him this t-shirt as a token of my support since, as he learned, AIDS just isn't the cool cause anymore.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Check out my synth duo, Synthetic Division, LIVE: Saturday, March 22 in Richmond, Virginia (Alley Katz) and Saturday, April 19 in Los Angeles (The Galaxy on Melrose).

Click Support to help Gwenn and I in the AIDS Walk NY!

OK, so it's not really a national tour. It doesn't span 21 cities and I won't be traveling in a van, I'll be flying out using Reward Miles.

And speaking of positoids... support Gwenn and I in the upcoming AIDS Walk NY! Since I announced our fundraising attempts, young Eric Cartman of South Park has tested positive for HIV. Surprising, since I always thought Kenny was the most at-risk of the gang.

Haven't seen the episode, but I have it Tivo'd.

Hope to see you at one or both of the shows listed here!

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Somehow, the Wii has been neglected as of late in the Gwenn/Shawn household. Maybe it's been the dogged determination to complete my next book? Or a side-effect of Obamania?

Either way, the Wii made a comeback, bigtime, and Gwenn and I resumed our bowling feud: immediately upon doing so she dominated me. No surprise there. Most Wii-ners would sulk or give up... I'm not like most Wii-ners.

Instead I rallied back, crushing Gwenn with a 279! That's 9 out of 10 strikes, and 8 in a row.

My parents tried to teach me that it is much better to win gracefully, but I think in doing that you are missing a key opportunity to crush your opponent's spirit, thus setting them up for a worse defeat (and sweeter victory for yourself) the next time.

Positively Yours,

Shawn


Click SUPPORT to sponsor Gwenn and I in the AIDS Walk. You know you wanna... See my band/synth duo, Synthetic Division, in Richmond on Saturday, March 22, at Alley Katz. Click MUSIC to hear us!

Saw this at the grocery store. Is "Treacle" a sexually transmitted infection? Someone at Heinz probably got a talkin' to after this line of pudding was released.

Click SUPPORT to sponsor Gwenn and I in the AIDS Walk. You know you wanna... Locals: See my band, Synthetic Division, in Richmond on Saturday, March 22, at Alley Katz. Click MUSIC to hear us!

I've often said I'm more likely to die traveling to speak about AIDS than I am to die from AIDS itself.

On Friday, Gwenn and I left home, on our way to Milford, PA, to speak for the Pike County AIDS Awareness Day, and the 6-hour trek took close to 10 hours, delayed by traffic, rain and fog.

Along the way, we enjoyed a stop at a hopping diner called Bakers Restaurant in Dillsburg, PA. The place was packed, and I had a fish dish called "The Belly Buster", which would have been a dramatic end to my life had I attempted to eat the very large portion provided.

After stuffing our faces, we got back in the car, resigned to our fate as the rain came down. The windshield wipers had been pitiful for months, but after the break at Bakers, we realized that driving with a windshield wiper that was smearing water on the windshield, like butter to bread, probably wasn't the smartest move.

So we used the GPS to find a Wal-Mart.

It was a Super Wal-Mart, or whatever they call them when they are larger than the fish portions at Bakers. Either way, we were all set... instead of reading the directions on how to replace the windshield wiper blades out in the rain, Gwenn suggested we do it inside Wal-Mart.

But after 10 minutes, I got impatient, wondering if this roadtrip would ever end.

"This will make more sense," I said. "When we snap off the old wipers."

This story would be better if I broke them off, or accidentally stabbed myself and ended up in the ER. But unfortunately for you, the reader, neither of those things happened. The old wipers stayed on, clinging for dear life. So Gwenn and I got a little pissy with each other for our combined lack of skills, threw the new ones in the backseat and continued the harrowing drive in the rain to Milford with limited visibility.

I mentioned the very easy travel to our last talk at Salisbury University. This weekend was the karmic payback for that.

Part of the purpose of this trip was to catch up with my one of my Godparents, Sean. But he was out of town for the weekend, a cruel twist of fate. Still, he was kind enough to let us stay at his hotel, the Hotel Fauchere, which we arrived at during the late hour of 12:30 a.m.. I watched the tail end of The Soup and Poker After Dark- my favorite TV show- and then went to sleep.

The next day we spoke at Father McGinty's church, The Good Shepherd. He's a very cool guy, and this was the second year in a row that Gwenn and I have been there to participate in the Pike County AIDS Awareness Day. Father McGinty, in a nice Irish accent, said that he's waiting for someone to offer me ten million dollars to turn My Pet Virus into a movie. Then Jan, who organized the event, said, "You and Gwenn should play yourselves, you're both so beautiful!"

The Good Shepherd Church in Milford, PA. A friendly place for positoids.

Soon the ego-stroking and HIV educating was over and, as we exited Milford, I said to Gwenn, "We need to swallow our pride." So we stopped at an Auto Shop, where I asked Gwenn to bat her eyebrows at the guys in an attempt to get one of them to put those wipers on.

Yes, I meant to say "eye-lashes". But it was raining and I was already dreading the drive back. I was also unsure as to whether Gwenn and I sucked at the talk or not. The Vaunted Decker Vocabulary Magic that Gwenn has come to love was nowhere to be found in the car, and I wasn't sure about how I did at the church, either.

As I sat in the Subaru Outback, wearing my black cashmere pull-over sweater, Gwenn threw the auto guys some red meat. "My husband is absolutely useless," she said, batting her eyebrows as they looked out and saw me sitting in the car, trying my best to look manly and failing miserably.

The line worked. They hooked them up in less than 15 seconds, and soon we were on the road.

On the way back things were easier: we could see, and 3 hours of the 8-hour trip were rainless. Plus, we stopped at the Middlesex Diner, our favorite diner outside of our hometown Italian Villa. It's four hours away, and this was probably the fifth or sixth time we've been there. (That's a pic of Gwenn surveying the menu.)

Gwenn and I spend a lot of time educating about HIV/AIDS and explaining that, by and large, we lead a pretty normal life with my pet virus. When I got home, there were nice messages from the folks in Milford, who were moved by the talk- I guess I didn't suck too bad! One of the girls there had actually heard of me before- via Synthetic Division.

I gott admit, it felt nice to be known for something other than having AIDS.

We're settled in for the next few weeks, and I'm happy to be home and practicing some of what we preach- just living our domesticated lives the way a lot of other couples do. I plan to enjoy it, as I bide my time until that $10-million offer comes through.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Locals: See Shawn's band, Synthetic Division, in Richmond on Saturday, March 22, at Alley Katz. Click MUSIC for more info.

Firstly, on Sunday, May 18, Gwenn and I will be walking in the NY AIDS Walk, and we'd love your support. If you're interested, click on the pictures from last year's walk.

In 2007, Team Supersnack, whom we are honored to be a part of for the third year in a row, raised over $30,000 for people living with HIV/AIDS. We're shooting higher this year, and hope you can help out. If you're in the NYC-area, we'll be hosting a fundraiser on Friday, May 16. (More on that to come.)

Wait... HIV/AIDS not your thing? If that's the case, then you're probably focused on another developing epidemic: Phone Sleepers.

Huh?

Phone Sleepers are numerous, which is why their attention was targeted in the recent 3 a.m. political ads, the linked one ends a little cheesy, my apologies.

Basically, Phone Sleepers- or "P.S.ers" as I call them- are people who sleep with their cellphones close by. They usually answer on the 2nd or 3rd ring, groggy. It takes a few moments for them to wake up and it's kind of annoying because all the while you feel bad because you just woke them up.

Because they didn't set their phone to Silent.

A Phone Sleeper always has an excuse. For instance, a PS'er once told me when confronted, "Well, what if a friend calls in a state of distress? I want to be there for them." Well, sure. But most of us don't have the cast of the Real World on speed dial. And if a friend is in real danger, 911 is the way to go, not me.

And definitely not a PS'er.

Seriously, if you were in danger, would you rather call someone who is sleeping and had the sensibly to set their phone to Silent or a PS'er?

Think about it: if you call the person who set their phone to Silent, you'd let it ring a few times then try someone else. If you got a PS'er, you'd bleed out while explaining the details of your emergency while they tried to wake up. The sad truth is that Phone Sleepers have an addiction to ringtones and technology, and they mask that with an Indiana Jones complex.

They don't want to help us at all.

I swear, if I didn't have AIDS myself, PSA (Phone Sleeper Awareness) is what I'd dedicate my life to. And, mark my words, if I'm ever cured I'll start a Phone SleepWalk to raise money to figure this shit out.

Till then, I hope you'll sponsor a few of my steps and limps in May on behalf of my positoid brothers and sisters in the AIDS Walk.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

On Monday night, Gwenn and I spoke at Salisbury University in Maryland. Fortunuately, we looked it up on Google Maps a few days before, and it happened to be within striking distance of Rehoboth Beach.

I'd visited my friend, Michael, in Rehoboth Beach last summer, and blogged about it. Gwenn was jealous, but this time, we both made it. And here she is with Michael, in front of the Green Man Juice Bar and Bistro.

He runs a gallery for the home called Detail, and that's his Boston Terrier, Mirabelle, below, peering out on the front gate. She's the mascot of the shop, and Michael and I have a children's book about her in the works. (I'm slacking on that now, because I'm working hard on the vampire book... maybe I should combine them: vampire terriers?)

Monday was a breeze: 60 degrees and a less-than-an-hour drive to Salisbury. When we got to the school, we made a shocking discovery... there was... a parking space. That is very rare! Everything was nice and easy, and the students were receptive to our message.

Which brings me to another first. At the end of our program, a student in the front row raised her hand. "You two are so awesome... I just want to give you a hug. Can I come give you guys a hug?"

It was so sweet. We usually get some hugs afterward, but never during. It was a pretty cool and unique way to end the discussion with the students. Then, it was on the road again, heading back home with some new memories and a few framed photos from Detail in our car.

The drive back was 4 1/2 hours long. I was good for the bulk of it, then turned the wheel over to Gwenn for the last buck and a half after we stopped at Wawa. Wawa is, by far, our favorite all-in-one stop on the road.

Now that I'm home and settled again, I'm back to work on the next book. Oh, and I'm twittering. Or mini-blogging. If you're interested, you can follow that by going here: Shawn's Twittering. I guess it's for a generation that doesn't have time to read paragraphs.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

Upcoming Stuff: Catch my synth duo, Synthetic Division, LIVE in Richmond at Alley Katz, Friday, March 22. Hear it here.