June 2009 Archives

It's been a full week since I got sick.  Have I been to the doctor?  No, but don't worry, this isn't a Perez Hilton situation.  "God, I'm bleeding!  I should call the police!"  I have a viral infection, not bacterial, which means the only thing I'd get at the hospital would be a bill.  (Contacted doc via email, he concurred on my viral suspicions.)

My friends get worried when I go down for the count like this.  But I just got labs done, and all my numbers are great.  T-cells are steady in the high 500's, VL is detectable but under 48 copies.  It's just a bug.  The real tragedy here is that I missed going to Roanoke for Gwenn and I's annual Miss Virginia trip.  We've been there every year since 1999, when I made it there to see Gwenn compete despite really being sick with close to 100 t-cells.   This year a contestant, Chinah Helmandollar, is doing the comedic monologue similar to the one Gwenn did when she competed in 1999.  Gwenn is now officially a pageant legend!

But wait, that's not to say I haven't carved out my own niche in the last decade.  I hosted a pageant last fall, and judged a pageant where two girls were crowned.  If either of them win tonight, I plan on collecting royalties.  At the very least, I'll solicit a discreet donation to Decker's Daily Coffee.  Aside from those contributions to pageantdom, my real mark has been my uncanny ability to predict the top finishers...

Every year, I make a poster that I unveil before preliminary competitions in Roanoke.  Since I wasn't able to be there this week, I emailed it to our pageant buddies.  And now, for the first time, unless I've already done this and forgot, I am unveiling my prediction here!

(The reference on the poster to last year's "misstep" is that neither of my two picks in 2008 made the Top 5.  Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.)

But this weekend is all about returning to my rightful glory.  Not only are these two ladies going to finish at the top, my 2008 Person of the Year, Mike the Miz, has been getting a lot of heat in the WWE. Tomorrow he is wrestling the company's biggest star, John Cena, at the Bash, a pay-per-view I am not getting because I am so confidant in a dominant Miz victory.

Nothing will help me get over this cough like a little redemption- er, redempshawn.  So go get 'em, tigers. You, too, can watch the Miss Virginia pageant, live and streaming at 9 PM EST.  (The ladies pictured on the poster, by the way, are Caressa Cameron and Caitlin Uze, respectively.) 

As the Miz would say, tune in, because it's going to be AWESOME.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Tomorrow is National HIV Testing Day.  Don't be an "Unknown"- know your HIV status. TKNO (The Know Now Organization) comes to you and provides discreet HIV testing. Check them out, and follow them on Twitter @TKNO.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

I didn't mean for the title of this blog to be misleading.  Michael Jackson did not have AIDS.  But I didn't want to not blog about what everyone will be talking about today.  Yes, today I am a follower.

I've always been a consumer of pop culture.  This is, by far, the biggest loss of a pop star in my lifetime.  The only reason why I'm not counting John Lennon is because I was only 5 when he was murdered.  In terms of Jackson's art, I wasn't a fan of much of anything that wasn't on Thriller, Jacko's shining moment.  In my eyes, however, one other moment shines much brighter than that album: his stand on compassion for those with AIDS. 

In particular, his public support of Ryan White.

I know, *insert boy joke here*.  But really, when he and Elton John came forward to pour resources into this fight, they understood how important it was to get the public's attention and appeal to peoples' greater sense of good.  By choosing to align themselves with Ryan's own mission to educate and enlighten people on the issues surrounding AIDS, they raised the visibility of the injustice Ryan- and others with HIV- were faced with.

Click to watch the video and hear the song he wrote in tribute to Ryan White.  Yes, I admit, it's cheesy.  But hey, I'm trying to focus on my own greater sense of good, and am thankful that he stepped forward at a very scary time in this country's history, and advocated for the well-being of positoids everywhere.
  
On a different note, I have to say that "Thriller" is the greatest music video of all-time.  And he wasn't kidding when he told the girl in the video that he wasn't like all the other guys, was he? 

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Impassioned response to yesterday's blog about Teen Vogue wasn't limited to humans. Check out what Dab the AIDS Bear had to say about it.

"It is unbearable to think with the number of young people testing HIV positive in the United States that Teen Vogue would refuse to run a condom ad.  Guess ignorance of HIV and AIDS in the United States is now in vogue in print as well as in media?" - Dab the AIDS Bear

(image by John Richard Allan)

Well said, Bear!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Moving along from fake scandals (previous blog entry) to real ones.  Just in case you don't know, Just In Case, Inc. is a company that provides cool little discreet condom carrying cases.  "Intimacy Compacts for Women" is how they describe them.

Here's what they look like.



Great idea, right?

Well, Teen Vogue magazine doesn't think so.  Or they may like them, but they decided to deny them ad space.  Of course, the magazine is a business, and can do whatever it wants.  But this action speaks to the frustration that is the battle for reality-based sex education/awareness in the United States.

I caught up with Rachael Sudul of Just In Case Inc. to get more pissed off about this.

Q: so Rachael- you have a great product that has encourages healthy decision-making... Tell me what went down with Teen Vogue?

Rachael: We received an email through a separate company trying to sell remnant ad space for Teen Vogue and we thought it was a perfect publication for our product, with the rate of STDs in teens and young adults being 1 in 4.  We had hoped to also spark a conversation.  When we went to take advantage of the ad rate, we were told that the editors at Teen Vogue didn't want us to advertise with them.

That blows.

It is a disheartening, yet predictable decision. Interesting however since one of their articles in the June/July issue is: "Modern Romance From kissing to "sexting," check out what teens consider "hooking up"  today."  Sex is used to sell everything even in Teen Vogue; jeans, makeup, food... so we teach our kids and young adults how to seduce in every aspect yet wave our fingers and yell about being abstinent.

And those editors- like politicians who champion abstinence- conveniently ignore their own sexual histories when they were teens.  What message do you hope your product sends to people?

What our product represents is people taking responsibility for their sexual health, young or old, if you are CHOOSING to be sexually active, and you are not 100% sure of your own status or your partner's, use a condom.
 
When you're not being cockblocked by Teen Vogue, whom do you advertise with?

We have advertised with Shape magazine and have had a good amount of editorials in large publications such as Shape, Self, Life&Style, and even Grey's Anatomy magazine.  Kate Walsh talked about our compacts on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - it's the last few minutes of this interview.

Too cool.  So there is hope.  Do you have a favorite dumb reaction to your product?

The reaction is always to the condom... "oh I don't use condoms!!" As if they are reserved for the more promiscuous of us... if we could just normalize the condom by talking about it we could erase the stigma it has... birth control pills had a stigma as well in the beginning and it has diminished over the years.  We can advertise Viagra and KY Lubricant during prime time on national TV, but not the condom?  Interestingly the STD rates have skyrocketed in seniors with many thanks to that little blue pill since they believe pregnancy is the worst that unprotected sex can bring...

Yeah, sexual health isn't just for the whippersnappers anymore.  Thanks for your time, Rachael, and thanks to you and your mom for creating such a necessary- and cool- product.  Viva la condom!

To learn more about the cases, and get one for yourself, go to justincaseinc.com.  You can also follow Rachael on Twitter, which is where I first heard about this.  Please share this interview with others.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Have been feeling a bit under the weather since Saturday.  A little wispy cough finally turned into something, one of those nasal drip deals; bad in the morning because all night long your throat gets coated with snot.

Yummy.

The hardest part hasn't been having to stay inside, it's been my withdrawals from enjoying my daily iced mocha.  I thought AIDS was hard, but this is a nightmare.  How much can one kid take, God?  On top of that, I was just starting to get over my first "sex scandal" on Decker's Daily when this photo was posted on June 18...


I think someone with the Pozarazzi took it.  Why would Poz magazine try to bring down Decker's Daily?  I don't know.  Never mind that I'm the only one with the password to upload pictures... or that coffee sponsorships have dried up, and the timing of this blog, cough and sex scandal are coinciding like a perfect storm to make you the reader vulnerable to sponsoring me for a comeback cup of coffee.

Pay no attention to that!

I plan to, one way or another, make it out today to get me an iced mocha.  Then, hopefully, I won't be coughing by the evening when I'm supposed to rock out with Synthetic Division band practice.

Thank goodness for silly blog entries, Monday Night Raw, Kathy Griffin, Jon & Kate (I really thought Jon Stewart was going to be announced as the replacement "Jon" as the big surprise) and the Perez Hilton VS. Will.I.Am slugfest.  They all distracted me enough to allow me to forget about feeling under the weather!

Now, it's off to bed.  Here's to hoping I wake up feeling better than the last two mornings- er, afternoons.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

I'm very excited to be playing another show with my synthpop duo-now-trio, Synthetic Division.  Not only that, it's a benefit for the AIDS Walk Washington DC, which Gwenn and I will be walking in with Team Supersnack in October.

Here's a video I made to promote the July 11 show.

If you're on Facebook, the Event page is here.

The details are as follows:
Synthetic Division w/ Silent Muse
Venue: Outback Lodge in C'ville, VA
Doors at 8 pm, close at Midnight
$10

To see another promo vid featuring a Synthetic Division song, click here.  Any friends who read the blog and are coming to the show, we will be playing a couple of new songs.  I look forward to finishing up some new material and posting it on synthetic-division.com.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Thank you, Dad. For giving me the athletic genetics that offset hemophilia, thus giving me the ability to crush my opponents.  Here's a pic of my father in the 1970's, doing damage on the bowling lanes.

My dad is a pretty humble guy.   What's funny about inheriting his sporting abilities is that I also inherited my mom's competitive nature.  It really makes me kind of a supernova of sorts, not content with just an 8-ball team championship or a putt putt title.  I blogged about representing everyone living with HIV when I compete but, in my own way, I also honor my parents every time I crush an adversary.

Honestly, I've been very lucky in the parent department.  I love my parents more than I can express here in words.  They've fought for me, taught me how to treat others with respect and never settled for any toolish behavior on my part.  I am who I am today because of all those lessons.

So, Happy Father's Day to all the cool dads out there, including mine.  I love ya, Dad.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Quick blog. Here's a couple of places I've been recently. For a birthday gift, my parents bought Gwenn tickets to see her favorite band, No Doubt, who happen to be one of my faves, too.

We got trapped in traffic on the 3-hour car trip to Virginia Beach, mainly because humans hate to drive into tunnels underwater. Gwenn was really frustrated, but we allowed enough time for the over hour delay. I told her that for thousands and thousands of years humans didn't travel by car, nor were they capable of traveling "underwater" at over the speed of their ability to swim. Not sure if my explanation helped or fanned Gwenn's flames of frustration.

No Doubt, however, put on a show worthy of the irritation of getting there. So glad they decided to get back on the road together. That was last week, this week we went to see some pro wrestling! Gwenn's first live event. "The Punjabi Prince" The Great Khali was there, as was Chris Jericho, Edge and Jeff Hardy.

Here's a shot- no, that's not me holding the sign.

At both shows, I learned moves for an upcoming Synthetic Division show. More in the next blog or two about that, right now I'm off to eat a bowl of cereal and hit the road to speak at a retreat for positoids in the woods. Seriously!  Till then, I hope you are feelin' hella good.

Oh yeah yeah.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Last night I went to pool league, and obtained my championship mug.  For the second season in a row, the 8-man 8-Ball team I play on- The Overlords- have been the points leaders in Charlottesville.  I couldn't believe I haven't bragged about it on the blog yet.




Receiving the mug should have been a good thing, but lately my competitive spirit has started to take over my life. There's no official name for what I'm feeling, so I'm going to call it ACADS: Acute Competitive Anger Disorder Syndrome.  There's no need for the "Syndrome" at the end, it just sounds better with the "S".

Anyway, I'm really putting a lot of pressure on myself to defend the Stroke Play putt putt championship next time I play Ben, and to hold up my end of the bargain in pool league alongside the Overlords.  Now, when I compete, it's not just for my own ego, it's for the hopes and dreams of everyone living with AIDS.

Representing an entire community- while glorious- definitely has it's drawbacks.

I'm trying an experimental therapy to nip ACADS in the bud.  This week, I'm going to a live wrestling event.  Kind of a shock therapy.  By watching 3 consecutive hours of wrestling without the fast forward feature on TiVo, I'll be exposing myself to others who have, or at least pretend to have, ACADS as well.  (To see my Poz column in which I interviewed Ric Flair, go here.)

Wish me luck!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

PS... tired of waiting for a blog entry?  You can follow my ultra-annoying tweets on Twitter!

A lot of people know I'm HIV positive.  In fact, it's kind of my calling card.  I'm funny dude with AIDS who cracks jokes at his own expense.  Don't get me wrong, it's a good gig.  Here's a little real life story that happened last week.

I go to a friend's house- who will remain unnamed- and I find him playing Halo with another friend.  It's a funny scene, because they are wearing headsets and talking to other players online.  "There's only 8 minutes left in the mission," my friend said.  I sat on the couch and, though the graphics on the big screen TV were incredible, I couldn't take my eyes of my buddies.

They looked ridiculous.  It took every ounce of restraint not to snap a picture and load it to my Twitter page.  "Our friend is laughing at us," my friend said to his comrades online, adding. "But he's the one who has AIDS."

It was a good line and I was impressed by the quickness and ease of delivery.  Plus, my friends know I enjoy this type of humor, and usually am the one who instigates.  The gamers on the other end of those headsets must have been confused by the statement, and my retort probably didn't help.  I rebounded faster than Magic Johnson (I have no idea if he was good at rebounds in his day) with: "Yeah- and I have hemophilia, too, and I just realized I could kick two of my friends' ass at one time!"

This funny little tale brings me to a much bigger issue...  since Magic Johnson returned to the NBA for a season after testing positive to prove that he still had it (speaking of having "game", not "HIV"), the positoid community has had a massive void in the Incredible Athlete division.  A void I plan on filling in the sport of putt putt.

This summer, I plan on taking over the sport, one windmill at a time, and I have a friend, Ben, who has agreed to represent the entire negatoid community this summer during our matches- er, battles.

Every community has had a big showdown in which they prove they are equals.  In boxing, Jack Johnson knocked out the Great White Hope in James Jeffries to become the first African American champion.  In tennis, female Billie Jean King toppled the ultimate man's man in Bobby Riggs, emasculating billions of men in bars in the process. But athletes with HIV haven't had their sporting moment in the sun. 

Well, that changes this summer, when I destroy my friend Ben. What's best about that is that I've already beaten him once and uploaded the scorecard to Facebook. You can see the damage from last week's game framing this landmark blog entry for sports fans with HIV.

All summer I'll be competing on behalf of people with HIV. And when I've conquered putt putt, I'll move to another sport, maybe bocce ball.  The good thing about putt putt is that it will keep me in shape, so when there is a cure for hemophilia I can seamlessly transition into boxing and make history there, too.

Whatever sport I dominate, I will compete and carry myself with dignity. In victory- and inevitably, defeat- you will all be proud of me as I represent the fine citizens of the world who share not only my competitive drive, but my HIV status as well.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Yesterday it was announced that at least 16 porn stars have tested positive since 2004, which brings the total to 22 over the last five years. 

Unlike me, in high school and college Gwenn went beyond Algebra I pt. 2.  She assured me that with roughly 1,200 people in the porn industry each year, five positives a year would mean that you have a .0033 chance of contracting HIV if you enter porn as a career.  Of course, prevention is everything, so how you conduct yourself offset and what scenes you star in have some bearing on risk factors.

But what about testing?

At a recent porn convention in L.A. , some in the industry thought the 30-day voluntary HIV tests were doing their job, while others suggested that more were needed.  Adult film star Belladonna said, "I don't think 30 days is good enough.  This is our bodies, our life, our work."  Belladonna also retweeted (on Twitter) that having another active STD makes you more vulnerable to HIV infection.  Being informed is sexy, isn't it?

Unlike the storylines in a porn movie, the plot in this one is thickening by the red, hot and blue minute. 

And yes, I know I could have used the word "thickening" in a better context there.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

A female pornstar has tested positive for HIV, which brings back memories from 2004 when a male performer tested positive and shut the entire industry down amidst safety concerns. In actuality, the adult film industry as a hole- er, whole- has done very well with their testing programs for HIV.

The article on Poz, linked above, reports that there is concern over the high incidence of chlamydia and gonorrhea infections and how that plays into the push for mandatory condom use in all adult entertainment movies. Well, unless the industry is really covering up HIV infections, you have to take your jimmyhat off to them. Think about it- how many acts of unprotected sex have been performed by routinely (every 30 days) tested "actors"? To have one infection in 5 years is something to be applauded, not criticized.

Health officials are cracking down.  But if California is worried about sexually transmitted infections, then what's holding them back from invading every college campus in the state?  I'm sure that all of the campuses in California combined are reporting more than 60 to 80 new cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea infections a month.

To me, the best thing for adult film stars is to have comprehensive education about how to protect themselves off set, when they are engaging in sexual acts with people whose jobs do not require STI testing.  And the best thing for college students? 

Take a lesson in HIV testing from a pornstar.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Last week a 40-foot bronze statue of Ronald Reagan was unveiled in Washington DC. Here's a speech given by Congressman John Boehner, who cries, yet again.

Boehner, like many Republicans, has a soft spot the size of the national debt for Reagan. But for people with AIDS, Reagan is not a symbol of a better time. He's the chief enabler of an act of domestic terrorism. Harsh? Reality can be. Can you imagine 40,000 people dying today and the president saying nothing? (I'm including W. in this hypothetical, too.) Ten Americans get the sniffles today, and Obama would be on CNN with a box of tissues and a tear in his eye. But then, when Reagan finally spoke, his words were dickish. You can hear them here.

"... let's be honest with ourselves, AIDS information can not be what some call 'value neutral.' After all, when it comes to preventing AIDS, don't medicine and morality teach the same lessons." Ronald Reagan, April 2, 1987

Maybe I'm missing the point here. Perhaps that statue isn't the worst idea, because it will provide school children with an excellent lesson on exactly how Reagan dealt with the crisis, which went on to kill millions upon millions more. "Kids, any questions for the president about AIDS?"

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Through my boyish charm and way with the written word, I was able to catch up with Sean Strub online and get his thoughts on the early days of AIDS activism, as well as what went down in Hollywood last Friday at the protest...

Hey Sean, how did the protest in CA go?

Sheryl Lee Ralph was amazing, passionate, well-informed and rallied the crowd.  She spoke several times.  There was no civil disobedience.  The crowd was lively and worked up, but not especially large. 

Sounds good.  Do activist groups like ACT UP have more potential for change with Obama in the White House as opposed to Bush?

I think it depends on the specific issue at hand. Certainly the potential for change with Obama is vastly greater than with Bush, but the process to affect that change is much different.  With Bush, we were totally iced out; with Obama we have people like Jeff Crowley, the former deputy director of NAPWA, as his federal AIDS Policy Coordinator.  He's just one example, but across the administration the level of expertise and experience with the epidemic is vastly greater and comes from a different perspective.

It's seems like you'd have to be nicer with an administration that might actually help you, but then again, it's easier to get angry at someone whom you expect more from... 

I wish they would have already lifted the ban on needle exchange and other things, but the single most important thing the Obama administration can do for people with HIV is to get universal health coverage.  If everything else, in terms of the epidemic, needs to be put on hold in favor of that priority, for strategic reasons, then I am willing to be patient. 

While you are being patient, care to reflect on a favorite personal ACT UP moment from the past?

In terms of specific moments the two that first come to mind are when Peter Staley, and I were on top of the roof of Sen. Jesse Helms' house, unfurling the giant condom.

I love that one.  It's a Will Ferrell movie waiting to happen.

There's also the moment during the Stop the Church! demonstration at St. Patrick's cathedral when I took communion.  The group I was part of (were we called the "Hail Marys"?) all took communion and when the priest held up the consecrated host and said "The Body of Christ" we would say something like "Safe Sex is Moral Sex!" or "I support a woman's right to choose!" or whatever.  I said "May the Lord bless the man I love who died a year ago today" as it was the anniversary of Michael Misove's death.

That's hardcore, Sean. And I love that phrase, by the way, "Safe Sex is Moral Sex".  Thanks for sharing the activist insight, and if there's ever another home that needs to be fitted with a giant condom, count me in.

You bet. 

I recently saw the horrible new Terminator movie, which I refused to review for the Hemo2Homo Connection.  I'd waited years to see a movie based around that opening action sequence in the original... oh well.  At least this funny internet video was born from it.


In those movies, so much of the plot is around the issue of the past affecting the future, and the future's attempts to meddle in the issues of the past to shape the future.  The latter is a quick fix solution that inevitably complicates matters... but, recent events have led me to believe that  the future of HIV/AIDS activism may well be its past.

The same month and year that I was diagnosed (March 1987), ACT UP was formed to raise awareness about the epidemic with bold events, political accountability and fearless tactics.  The reason for the group's existence was simple: people with AIDS were sick and tired of watching people with AIDS die.

I was happy to hear that former Poz cover boy and ass-kicker Bob Bowers had a hand in forming ACT UP Wisconsin this year, and I really think that, with the internet and the ability to enter peoples' homes without using excessive force or mainstream media, there may be a huge role for the resurgence of the ACT UP mantra.

Today, California HIV/AIDS activists are speaking out against budget cuts in the state that will drastically reduce services to the positoid community.  At 5 pm (PST), activists are also planning to close down Santa Monica Blvd.  If there's a news program on TV that reports news at 8 pm (EST) on Friday night, I'll be interested to see if either event even makes news.

What's cool about that is that the people making the news will be- hopefully- posting videos on YouTube and other social networking sites.  It's the way of the future.  It's the way of the past.  ACT UP was successful for using what was at their disposal in 1987.  There weren't any life-saving HIV medications, but there was a caring ear and hand in the national media, and they did what they had to to get it's attention.  Now, the same fists that are waved in defiance are also holding cameras, which can transmit these events to every house that has a computer and internet access. 

With the economy in shambles it's important that people with HIV continue to have access to decent health care.  I know Governor Arnold is in a tight spot, but we can't let him say, "Hasta la vista, baby" to money that is desperately needed for positoids in his state. 

As for ACT UP itself, the most famous phrase comes to mind: "I'll be back."   

Positively Yours,
Shawn

So Eminem was in on the Bruno  gag- I was fooled. It won't be the first or last time.  Kudos to Eminem and his entourage for "playing it straight"... I thought Sacha Baron Cohen wouldn't have done it that way, only because a prank within a prank where nothing is real might seem kind of lame.

But either way, it was executed well.  Outside of Bruno's world of fake gay drama and real homophobia, what isn't lame is the state of New Hampshire's decision to legalize gay marriage. And how about the two attorneys who opposed one another in the 2000 Bush V. Gore Supreme Court case teaming up in order to fight the common enemy of discrimination against gays as it pertains to the "opposite marriage" issue?

The tide is turning, and I don't want to be distracted during this exciting time.  Because anytime the ass of Justice drops into the face of Discrimination, it's a good thing.  Don't get me wrong, I love pop culture.  But what I love even more is when real culture, common sense, and the idea of right prevailing over wrong comes together.  That feels good. 

And it's definitely no joke.

Positively Yours,
Shawn   

Bruno meets Eminem at the MTV Movie Awards.