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July 2011 Archives

One Guy With AIDS. One Cup.

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All of my friends know my HIV status. And when I make new friends, I'm pretty open about it because it's hard to explain any aspect of my past and present existence without disclosing my status.

Over the last ten years, I've been shooting pool in a local 8-Ball league.  Brought in by some buddies, I've made lots of new friends on the team over the years, all of whom have been extremely supportive of my HIV status and how I live my life with my pet virus.  I love it when someone on the team cracks an unexpected joke that involves my medical resume, whether it's hemophilia or HIV, because it shows me that they know I'm comfortable with it.  The jokes are never mean-spirited, and often I'm making a joke first to get a reaction.  But I like it when I'm beaten to the punchline.

A couple of months ago, our team went to Richmond for a tournament.  Our table was covered with cups of water and beer bottles.  People started to write their names on their cups, so I decided to mark mine with the word "AIDS", and wait for a teammate to see it and laugh, which is what happened. 

Here's the cup.





I posted the photo on Facebook because I thought the joke was funny, and most people got it. But one person said that HIV could be transmitted this way, and was quickly shot down.  About a week or so ago I saw a poll that reveal that 1 in 4 people thought that HIV could be transmitted through sharing a glass of water, and suddenly my joke seemed a lot less funny.

Fellow Poz-blogger and positoid Oriol just wrote a blog entry on how a newspaper article misinformed readers by casually explaining that HIV could be transmitted through saliva

One of the ways I keep my spirits up is by trying to ignore the tremendous gaps in knowledge about HIV transmission, while simultaneously working to be a part of the solution and not the problem.  In my personal life, my sense of humor and acceptance of my status does so much good for my health.  I've worked hard to incorporate that sense of humor into my educational work as well, understanding that a good joke helps me out and that the same thing helps open ears to a topic that many folks have no interest in learning more about.

In retrospect do I regret sharing a joke that was meant for 7 friends with over 1,000 people on Facebook?  Not really. But in the future I may have to preemptively add the asterisk mark explaining that, no, there is no risk of getting HIV from a plastic cup of water.  In the end, misinformation is far more easily spread than HIV.

Positively Yours,
Shawn


HIV Stops With Me

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Late last year I was approached by HIV Stops With Me, a campaign that utilizes those already infected with HIV as soldiers on the frontlines in the attempt to stem new infections.  I love the concept, it's empowering and allows for the discussion of the reality that- yes- people with HIV can have healthy sex lives. Every month I answer a question for their web site, and I just realized I haven't been cross-posting my answers to my blog.  Silly me.  So here's a few of my Question of the Month answers from HIV Stops With Me.

How has your relationship with your family changed since you came out about being HIV positive?

Being diagnosed so young- at age 11- I believe my situation really helped to inform my family about the realities of the HIV crisis in the earliest days of the epidemic. I was born with hemophilia, so my family knew what a lifelong medical condition was all about. After HIV, however, there was a change in that I needed to be protected from HIV as well as the stigma attached to it. For instance, I was kicked out of school in the 6th grade, so my family had to learn how to stand up to discrimination. It made us all more compassionate people.

What is the biggest life lesson HIV has taught you?

The biggest life lesson that HIV is has taught me is not to discriminate. I learned early in life how this feels due to my HIV status. After I tested positive at age 11 I was kicked out of school, many of my best friends' parents were no longer comfortable with me hanging out with them, and there was just so much fear and misunderstanding about how much of a "danger" I was. At the time, it was difficult, but subconsciously the groundwork was being laid to make me a better person for those trials. At my core, I just can't understand discrimination based on sex, sexuality, race, religion and all of the other things that can distinguish us on a surface level from one another. Life would suck if we were all the same, wouldn't it? I value the life lessons that HIV has taught me and I am thankful for the person I have become.

Have you ever been surprised by the love or support you received from someone after disclosing your HIV positive status?

I went public with my status on the Internet in 1996 at age 20. I was fully prepared to face the same fears that I encountered when I was diagnosed nearly ten years before, particularly with the anonymity that cyberspace provides. But on the contrary, I found a kind response, and that really helped in wanting to continue to educate by sharing my experiences as someone living with HIV. Before "going public", I never really disclosed my status. After high school, though, when I was hanging out with my brother- then a college student- and his friends, I did disclose to one of his hot friends in a private moment. To make a long story short, she let me feel her up. That really surprised me. Looking back, it really was a turning point in that it made me realize that often I was the one who was making a big deal about my status by thinking that I had to keep that information to myself.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
last-american-virgin.jpg

So I was browsing Netflix, and thought of an old movie I saw as a kid, The Last American Virgin.  Even though my parents weren't too tight with enforcing the R-rating, I doubt I saw this one in the theater in 1982 since I was 7 when it came out. I'm thinking I watched it on HBO  a couple of years later, around the same time I was hooked on Fraggle Rock.

Either way, the only scene I could remember is how the teens in the movie spent an afternoon soaking their genitals in a public pool in a misguided attempt to drown the crabs they'd picked up from an encounter with a prostitute the night before. ("$30..."  "Oh cool, that's $10 each..." "No! $30 a person!")  Ah, 80's movies, nothing like a scene that features three high school kids on a street corner negotiating with a prostitute.

When I first saw Virgin, those three characters seemed so much older and wiser than me.  I knew there was more to life than just the Fraggles, and at the time high school was mystery to me that could have easily included random visits to the neighborhood prostitute.  I was just clueless.  The plan to revisit the movie was sealed when Gwenn had no idea what the hell it was; I figured a goofy 1980's, pre-AIDS sexually charged comedy would be fun.

And it was.  This time around, the teenagers seemed young and reckless to me.  The movie was entertaining and ultra-enjoyable, but I couldn't believe the big guy in the group let scrawny Gary drive himself home after a rager in which Gary found himself shit-faced.  "Drive safe!" was his buddy David's words of advice.  Incredible, Gary made it home without incident, though later in the movie he would find himself driving a convertible into the ocean.

The theme of the movie isn't a riddle- Gary is looking to get laid.  Husky David is there for most of the big laughs, as is their handsome friend, the cock-blocking Rick.  After a few good runs of fortune, the trio hit their first stumbling block in class, when they can't stop scratching their pubic regions.  This leads to a great scene in which Gary awkwardly tries to ask a pharmacist for a remedy.  It's a cool scene that lets you see how someone who could negotiate with a prostitute twice his age the night before cannot say that he has crabs in the harshness of daylight.  I figured once the crabs were gone, it would be back to the hijinks.  I didn't remember that ol' cockblocking Rick ends up impregnating Gary's object of affection, Karen.

After that, Gary becomes the hero when he cobbles together enough money to spring for her abortion.  The movie is set to a wonderful soundtrack of 80's classics, it must have been way cheaper in 1982 to get that many awesome songs into one film.  Anyway, the ending is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. As the credits rolled, Gwenn and I sat in stunned silence.  I'm not sure who broke it with a "..... REALLY?"

I'd highly recommend this movie, and love the ending because it's just a realistic portrayal of teen life and love.  After it's over, just go to Scene Selection and chase the end with one of the lighter moments, like when David gets slapped by Gary's mom, or when he's pounding away on the prostitute, or when he's getting pushed into the pool, or chased down the street by the sailor.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

 

It was a hotly contested Labtest Contest. The votes poured in from all over the cyberverse... but in the end there could only be one T-Cell Champion... and that man's name is Justin Starkenburg. His name is added to a list of incredible champions, but now only he sits atop as the world wonders whether he will be able to defend it in 4 months when I'm due for more blood work.  Thus far, no one has held onto the title.

Shawn's T-Cell Champion: Justin Starkenburg
(guess: 570 actual count: 579)
justin-starkenburg.jpg

Justin edged out first-ever champion, Charles Oliff, by 3 measly t-cells.  Oliff had the exact same guess that I did: 567.  Thus far Oliff's original winning effort, which fell within two t-cells of the actual count, has yet to be matched.  That fact, however, takes nothing away from Justin's incredible feat.  Beating the man who is regarded by many as the greatest t-cell champion of all-time is a hint of the great things to come from Starkenburg, and I anxiously await his future guesses.

On a personal note, I love that you guys participate in this.  I'm also happy that my t-cells went up, and that my viral load came in at below 50 copies, which is pretty much nothing at all.  The % went from 30 to 27, which is a little drop. % represents how healthy the t-cells that I have are, and mine's been between 25% and 30% consistently for the last five years. That's a good zone to be in.  As with all labs, the little blood cells fluctuate, so keeping track and looking at the big picture is pretty important.  Come November, I'm hoping to crack 600 again.  Have only done it once, and that number came in last fall.

Hope this blog entry finds everyone comfortable in their own skin and t-cells.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

bloodtubes.jpg

Yesterday I went in for my doctor's appointment- Dr. Greg was amused when I told him about my Labtest Contest. "Relatives are not allowed to vote, but it says nothing about my physicians..." When I explained the free drink up to a $5 value his interest was piqued. I'm not sure what the young resident thought of all of this, though the resident did politely ask me about my week on/week off meds taking.

I go to a teaching hospital- UVa- so I enjoy explaining my medical and medicinal history to the younger folks.  And, speaking of younger folks, today I am enjoying my last day as a 35-year old on this current plain we inhabit and call life.  Yup, tomorrow I'm officially 36, over the hump of my 30s and staring down my 40s.  A lot of my peers dread this particular moment, but I love getting older.

So yesterday they drew labs. Gotta wait until next week for the results. That's why I've extended voting in the Labtest Contest until 11:59 pm EST on Monday, July 18, 2011. Good luck!

Positively Yours,
Shawn



labtestcontest-logo.jpgYes, it's that time again- another doctor's appointment for me on Thursday, which means I'll be getting blood drawn. Which means that I'll be getting my t-cells checked.  Which means it's time for you to guess the results for a chance to win a prize...

Speaking of, the last winner didn't claim their prize back in March, which was an iced mocha. That means the prize is back up for grabs this go around. I've kept it in my fridge since last time. It really needs a home in your belly... so good luck! Oh, if you can't drink iced mochas I'll spring for any beverage of your choice up to $5.

Here's the Roll Call of Champions and last 4 t-cell counts:

March-July 2010: Charles Oliff (guess: 567 actual count: 565)
July-December 2010: Aimee Lee (guess: 516 actual: 511)
December 2010- March 2011: "Satan" (guess: 666 actual: 662)
March-Current Champion: Sharon Paul (guess:
520 actual: 508)

The anonymous guess of 666 by "Satan" is the only time the competition has been marred by controversy. The prize then was my Jesus hat, which made the whole ordeal a bit spooky.  Stranger yet is that Satan didn't show up last go around to put his hat in the ring, so to speak.

This time, I'm trying to return my t-cells to their late December glory of above 600. But I'll settle for anything above 500.  If you're looking for insider info, I have a feeling they'll be higher than last time, if the up and down trend continues.  For those who follow the blog regularly and know that I've been on a week on/week off strategy for close to a decade now, I'll let you know I'll be mostly through a week on meds at the time the labs are drawn on Thursday.

I hope you vote!  Be sure to read the Rules below, and good luck to you and me!  Results will be posted mid next week.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Official Rules
1. You have to post your guess (between 400 and 700 t-cells) not here, but over on my Poz blog Comments section
2. Relatives are disqualified (only because that makes this seem official)
3. Closest guess wins- no Price is Right logic applies.
4. One vote/guess per person.
5. Deadline is Friday, July 15th, 2011 at 11:59 EST.


A couple of weeks ago, New York state legalized gay marriage... here's my belated congratulations to humanity! It's so twisted, but whenever I hear good news like that I never get too excited, because I feel like the system is set up so that it could be struck down at anytime. The Supreme Court could Rickroll us all during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, singing Rick Astley's famous tune, while adding a verse about how they've just made gay marriage illegal on a federal level.

Part of me wants to spend the next ten years in a garage inventing a time machine, so I can slip into it only to emerge to live out my final years in a society that isn't caught up on things like gay marriage.  Or maybe, just maybe, that future is closer than I can even allow myself to imagine.  Here's a video I saw on Huffington Post. Not sure how old it is, but it's incredibly awesome and says so much about human nature, and why kids' instincts on an emotional level can often times make more sense than adults.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Much Better Now

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Thankfully Gwenn has been feeling much better the last week.  It's time to enjoy July together. And the weekend. And especially Friday.  Here's a funny YouTube clip I found a couple of weeks ago, when Rebecca Black's "Friday" video was pulled from YouTube.  Someone did a Bob Dylan version of the song... which is hilarious.

And it suits my mood.  I'm chillin' out.  I'm ready for Friday, even if it's not much different than Thursday or even Wednesday for me.  What matters most is not what day it is, but that Gwenn is feeling good.  Which makes me feel good.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Being "The Healthy One"

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In my educational efforts with Gwenn, I fully understand my role as the positoid- I'm there to answer questions about what it's been like living with HIV for well over two decades.  Often the topic of my AIDS diagnosis in 1999 (12 years after my HIV diagnosis and shortly after I met Gwenn) comes up, and we talk about how that event really brought Gwenn and I closer as I started HIV medications on the road to recovery.

And since we've been together, Gwenn has been the healthy one in the couple. Not a surprise since she is HIV negative.  But lately, she's been dealing with a stomach ailment that has really knocked her out.  She's seen a few doctors ("Are you pregnant?" is the common question) to discuss the nausea.  It could be hormonal, since it occurs mostly around the time she gets her period.  But right now, it's a bit of a mystery; all we know is that the last couple of weeks have been very hard.

For me, the role reversal has required patience.  Psychological, I've conditioned myself to deal with being sick.  I've had those flus, colds, lingering things that don't seem to go away until they do- and then life resumes.  I'm not sure when, but after so many of those little bouts I realized that they are just part of my life.  It's easier for me to be the sick one than it is to be the one worrying about the sick one.

I'm thankful that Gwenn is feeling better now.  Her appetite is coming back.  She's gaining weight after losing 10 lbs in two weeks.  She has more doctor's appointments to try and figure out what's up.  And that's also something I have to remember- when I'm sick I know it's because my immune system can be overwhelmed easily despite an HIV drug regimen that has worked well for me.  For Gwenn, it's a mystery what's causing her nausea.

Two things we know is that she is not pregnant.  And she is not HIV positive.  Interestingly enough, none of the doctors she's spoken to have offered an HIV test, instead they assumed it was acid reflux or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Both of which lead to her taking medication that- wait for it, wait for it...- made her nauseous.  Ah, the rollercoaster that is our health.  The best thing I can do is make sure the safety bar is locked, and that I hold on to Gwenn's hand during the scary parts.

The same way she's done for me.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
 


Speaking

Shawn & Gwenn
Since 2000, Shawn and Gwenn have been speaking about sexual health together, sharing their personal story and empowering others to be safe. If you are interested in having them speak at your event, fill out the Contact Us form.
 

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This page is an archive of entries from July 2011 listed from newest to oldest.

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