February 2012 Archives

Pedro Zamora left us all too soon in November of 1994.  I got to know him through my television, and boy did he open himself up, appearing on the then socially relevant reality show The Real World. I'd just graduated high school, and had no idea what laid ahead for me in terms of life goals and how I'd feel however much time I'd be given.

Pedro was a huge influence and help in getting me to get comfortable in my own skin with HIV- I hung on every word when he appeared on the show. He was only three years older than me, but at that time he may as well have been the President in terms of how I looked up to him.  On the show, he fell in love with fellow positoid Sean Sasser.  They normalized love with HIV in the mix.  After his passing, his Real World roommate, Judd Winick, wrote the incredible graphic novel Pedro & Me. For anyone who wants to learn more about him, I highly recommend this book. MTV also aired a biopic called Pedro a couple of years ago, which is definitely worth a view.

Born in a leap year, today would have been Pedro's 40th birthday.  I would be remiss if I didn't pay homage to one of my biggest influences.  Happy birthday, Pedro, and thank you from the bottom of my positoid heart.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

The last week was a snap shot of my life at it's most active- I went to Florida for a speaking engagement (my wife partner and I discuss how we keep her HIV status as negative in our relationship, if you're a newbie) and I was busy working on new music with my synthpop duo, Synthetic Division. Speaking of, we released a limited-time free downloadable EP on Valentine's Day called Borrowed Time: The Remixes.


The EP contains 4 remixes of a song I wrote back in 2003. "Borrowed Time" really was a turning point for me in terms of songwriting. I'd overheard someone suggesting that I was on borrowed time due to my HIV status. I guess I internalized the comment because a couple months later I was writing a song about it.  The chorus of the song goes like this: "Am I borrowed time, do I have much left? Is it not sinking in, that I am checking out?"

Big thanks to The Lunarium and kuanes for hooking up the fabulous remixes of a song that holds a special place in my thinblooded heart.  And big thanks to Andy Deane for the cover photo. 

About the tune... I wrote the song a few years after my HIV diagnosis was upgraded to an AIDS diagnosis in 1999. In July of '99 I had 38 t-cells, but I started on HIV meds and played my first live gig as Synthetic Division in late September of the same year, thanks to the meds boosting my immune system back up. My new friends in C'ville welcomed me into the local underground goth/electro community and encouraged me to play shows- something I'd always wanted to do.  The sound of Borrowed Time was inspired by playing those live shows after regaining my health and, consequently, the energy to write new music.

Now it's a decade later.  I'm still writing. Not playing out quite as often, and with my bum ankle I need to seriously consider how many shows I want to book later in the year when Synthetic Division releases a new album and plans a mini-tour on the East Coast.  But that's months down the road. I'm not on borrowed time. I'll still be here and I'll deal with whatever comes my way.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Self love. Valentine's Day shouldn't be a series of dividing lines between those who are in a relationship, or those who want to be or those who couldn't give two shits either way. Aside from floating Hallmark, Valentine's Day should be a moment to embrace self love.  Depending on how frisky you feel at the moment, that phrase is open to individual interpretation.

I know a lot of folks in my viral boat struggle over the thought of finding someone that can accept HIV and the common misconceptions that make up the virus's entourage.  It's a lot to worry about, but ultimately the best we can do is be honest about who we are, pass along the facts and hope that people are willing to open their minds to that information.  Regardless of how someone reacts to you, ultimately your long-term health and happiness is dependent on your ability and willingness to love yourself.

So think about all you've accomplished- all you've been through- and give yourself the best gift you can on Valentine's Day.  Be simple, be creative, but what really matters is... be your most beautiful self.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

After posting the last blog, I soon realized that it was going to take a bit longer to get well than I originally thought. That's why I had to postpone a speaking engagement that would have had me flying across the country today... just had no energy from about the middle of the week on, and a couple nights of less than restful sleep... very reminiscent of last October, when I had a similar bug that lasted about three weeks, with lots of false "I'm better now!" starts.

I believe this photo was taken the moment I realized I was sicker than I'd hoped...


Anyway, here's to hoping that this week is better health-wise.  I didn't get a damn thing done last week, but Gwenn took good care of me and I'm thankful to have a partner who is so in tune with my health and understands the need to put the brakes on once in awhile.  

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Writing is one of my favorite things to do- when I'm inspired.  When I'm not I've learned not to push it. It's why this blog goes through dry spells. Do I like sharing my life? Yes. But not so much when I'm not in the mood to write. Which can be often.

Lately, I've really gotten into writing again. Old school. With a pen and notebook.  It's a creative project, I'll share details if anything ever comes of it.  I know, that's a tease. But I wanted to enter 2012 sharing more details of my life and I'm happy to report that one of the great joys of my existence has found it's way back into my daily routine.

On a personal health note, I've succumbed to one of the bugs that's been going around town. Fortunately it's not the "flu-like symptoms" one that some friends have been felled by.  Mine is just the annoying sinus drainage, sleep ruining type.  A constant minor headache accompanied by lethargy.  What's most irritating is that it has kept me from writing and going to the gym. It didn't keep me from watching the Royal Rumble, though.  So it isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things.  I'm just taking my time and resting up for a trip that's right around the corner.

Hope this finds you all feeling well and doing whatever it is that you love to do.

Positively Yours,
Shawn