Shawn Decker

Shawn Decker tag:blogs.poz.com,2009-03-02:/shawn//14 2012-02-06T03:32:56Z Contributing Writer, POZ Movable Type 4.34-en A Week of Being A Weakling tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33197 2012-02-06T03:21:56Z 2012-02-06T03:32:56Z

I didn't get a damn thing done last week, but Gwenn took good care of me and I'm thankful to have a partner who is so in tune with my health and understands the need to put the brakes on once in awhile.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com
I believe this photo was taken the moment I realized I was sicker than I'd hoped...

Anyway, here's to hoping that this week is better health-wise. I didn't get a damn thing done last week, but Gwenn took good care of me and I'm thankful to have a partner who is so in tune with my health and understands the need to put the brakes on once in awhile.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
]]> Writing Again tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33189 2012-02-02T02:47:07Z 2012-02-02T02:59:07Z

Do I like sharing my life? Yes. But not so much when I'm not in the mood to write.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com

Writing is one of my favorite things to do- when I'm inspired. When I'm not I've learned not to push it. It's why this blog goes through dry spells. Do I like sharing my life? Yes. But not so much when I'm not in the mood to write. Which can be often.

Lately, I've really gotten into writing again. Old school. With a pen and notebook. It's a creative project, I'll share details if anything ever comes of it. I know, that's a tease. But I wanted to enter 2012 sharing more details of my life and I'm happy to report that one of the great joys of my existence has found it's way back into my daily routine.

On a personal health note, I've succumbed to one of the bugs that's been going around town. Fortunately it's not the "flu-like symptoms" one that some friends have been felled by. Mine is just the annoying sinus drainage, sleep ruining type. A constant minor headache accompanied by lethargy. What's most irritating is that it has kept me from writing and going to the gym. It didn't keep me from watching the Royal Rumble, though. So it isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. I'm just taking my time and resting up for a trip that's right around the corner.

Hope this finds you all feeling well and doing whatever it is that you love to do.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
]]> For You Fellow Rasslin Fans tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33182 2012-01-28T22:36:10Z 2012-01-28T22:49:00Z

How has pro wrestling influenced me? Well, I see HIV as an opponent of sorts- the way I beat this opponent in the ring is by not allowing it to silence me, or lull me into a false sense of security.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com

Anyone who knows me knows my love of pro wrestling. I paid homage to it in my memoir, My Pet Virus, by dedicating a chapter of the book to Ric Flair. Followers of this blog may remember my final Positoid column for Poz Magazine, which was about my interview with Ric in which we uncomfortably wrested around the topic of HIV.

Wrestling holds a special place in my heart. It's just so over the top. Part of how I've decided to educate about HIV has definitely been influenced by the shenanigans that seeped into my soul as a newly diagnosed kid obsessing over my favorite grapplers and wrestling in the frontyard with friends over championship titles made out of cardboard. How has it influenced me? Well, I see HIV as an opponent of sorts- the way I beat this opponent in the ring is by not allowing it to silence me, or lull me into a false sense of security. Sure, it's won a few battles over the years, but I'm definitely winning the war. I could die tomorrow and still claim victory.

So, when the humorists over at the wrestling opinion website, Podswoggle, invited me to write a column for them about tomorrow's Royal Rumble- my favorite wrestling event of the year- I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Check it out here.

Hope everyone out there is having a good match against whatever ails ya.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> Bummer of the Week: My Bum Ankle tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33170 2012-01-25T03:46:10Z 2012-01-25T04:22:26Z

The cause of the deterioration is a lifetime of hemophilia and minor bleeding into the joint. The blood erodes the cartilage- once that's gone there's no protection in the joint. Another culprit is the adverse effect that HIV medications can have on bone density. I've been on the meds since 1999.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com Apparently I have the ankle of a senior citizen who had a serious ankle injury in their youth. On Monday morning, I got an X-ray of my problem spot- my left ankle- and the orthopedic foot and ankle specialists were pretty alarmed by what they saw. A complete lack of cartilage that is causing stress between two bones in my ankle. Fortunately, I was prepared for the news, considering that I've been limping on and off for several years now. It was the increase in pain at the end of summer that necessitated the appointment.

None of the solutions for this kind of problem applies to me. An ankle replacement is only good for about 10 to 15 years, which isn't appropriate for someone my age. Another alternative, fusing the bones, would make the ankle immobile, and I don't register the levels of pain that make this option a no-brainer for a lot of people whose bones and joints are in far worse shape. The cause of the deterioration is a lifetime of hemophilia and minor bleeding into the joint. The blood erodes the cartilage- once that's gone there's no protection in the joint. Another culprit is the adverse effect that HIV medications can have on bone density. I've been on the meds since 1999, so...

So, what do I do? Well, I can minimize pain by avoiding super long walks, accepting the generous amounts of available wheelchairs in airports, giving up tennis (even triples play with friends, one of my favorite summer activities) and bowling. And no more hopping around on stage during Synthetic Division shows. I plan to keep my weight reasonable by using the exercise bike at the gym. In terms of the pain, one thing that has helped out is the strap-on that I started wearing last fall... a strap-on ankle brace, folks. Minds out of the gutter, please. Mainly, I need to ice up and stay off of the ankle when it starts hurting.

The strategy in doing all of these things is to bide my time until science catches up. One of the specialists, a guy around my age, said that labs are working diligently in the hopes of discovering a way to regrow cartilage. He estimated that this could be available in 10 years time. Both he and the doctor agreed that I should basically do nothing at this point. I am on board to take the ankle issue seriously, and have it last until the day that science bails me out.

Is it a tough pill to swallow? Not yet. I guess part of my journey has been dealing with medical news. Bad news. I'm sure it's going to be frustrating when the ankle prevents me from doing something I really want to do. That undoubtedly will happen, and the temptation will be there to press on and just deal with the pain afterward. The problem is getting into a bad routine- if I do that enough times then I could really do more damage. And, in a way, I've already done that. The ankle has been hurting for years now. Hell, it hurt so bad a few years ago that I hailed a cab halfway through the AIDS Walk in NYC. I think my shirt even said, "Limpin' Ain't Easy" that year.

I'm cool with the plan. I'm at peace with how much I've been able to do with this ankle. It's helped me kick HIV's ass. It's taken me places I never imagined I'd go, and now I need to show my thanks by giving it a much-needed rest.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> SHOCKER: Red Ribbon Worn at Golden Globe Awards tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33149 2012-01-17T03:17:13Z 2012-01-17T18:02:32Z

By the end of the 90s the red ribbons had gone the way of the parachute pants, deemed unworthy to enter the new millennium.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com Yes, you read that right- an actor of prominence wore a red ribbon on his suit jacket at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. Before I laud praise, I gotta say that it was wonderful to see one of those little suckers. Really. I paused the screen to inspect it, I was so excited.

Back in the 1990s, actors routinely wore red ribbons to award shows to express their solidarity with the plight of those living with HIV. But once treatments became available to those in privileged areas of the world, the red ribbons started to disappear. By the end of the 90s the red ribbons had gone the way of the parachute pants, deemed unworthy to enter the new millennium. So big ups to the one and only Steve Buscemi, who continued his tribute to the 90s by losing a Best Actor Award in the TV Series to Kelsey Grammer.

If there's ever a ribbon made for actors who lose acting awards to Grammer, I'm wearing one in your honor, Steve.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> Labtest Contest Results and Winner tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33145 2012-01-13T20:04:38Z 2012-01-13T21:06:49Z

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Contest. Per standard protocol, I cannot honor your request for a recount... just come back in June and try again!

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com Drum roll please... my labs are in, and my t-cell count when the blood was drawn last week was 590 (30%), with a less than 48 copy detectable viral load. Which, for those of you who don't understand HIV lab talk, are very good numbers.

So I'm doing alright! But enough about me. Who guessed the closest? Who is the new champion? (Sorry Justin Starkenburg, you've been dethroned.) Well, it is none other than the wonderful Bob Geise, who registered a guess of 595 and missed the actual count by a gaggle of 5 t-cells. Impressive work for a competitor in the contest who has tried to win this title before. I caught up with Bob earlier on Facebook to get his reaction to the victory and how it came to be.

"I actually did use a formula to figure it out. I wish I could remember it. It had something to do with averaging your numbers and then averaging the amount of change from test to test. Somehow I figured for outliers and made an educated guess."

Impressive stuff!

If you recognize Bob on this blog, it may be from last year when I posted one of his poems about Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas. Bob writes extensively on his Eloquent With Rage Facebook page, I strongly encourage everyone to Like this page because Bob has a big heart, an open mind and an incredibly deft grasp of the English language. A literary triple threat!

And now he is the Labtest Contest Champion of my T-Cells.

So a big congratulations to Bob, who has opted for the signed copy of My Pet Virus because he lent his to someone and never got it back. Perhaps that act of treachery inspired the demented formula that led to this rousing victory? Thanks to everyone who participated in the Contest. Per standard protocol, I cannot honor your request for a recount... just come back in June and try again!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> Last Day to Guess in the Labtest Contest tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33144 2012-01-12T07:30:13Z 2012-01-12T07:34:57Z

It's your last chance to win a wonderful prize by being the closest guess to my actual t-cell count!

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com It's your last chance to win a wonderful prize by being the closest guess to my actual t-cell count! Win either a signed copy of My Pet Virus, a Synthetic Division CD or an iced mocha. Just post your guess in the Comments section of this blog post, and make sure you read the Rules. Just for reading my blog you get this beautiful photograph I took of tubes waiting patiently to be filled with blood in the lab.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
]]> Video Tip of the Day: Check Your Meds tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33134 2012-01-09T03:33:45Z 2012-01-09T03:44:50Z

When Gwenn and I went to pick up my HIV medications, I made a video update in the car that was intended to be a joke of sorts about how long it can take to pick up meds. Then when we got home, and I made another video about what we discovered about my medication that wasn't so funny.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com
Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> Labtest Contest VI: Labby New Year! tag:blogs.poz.com,2012:/shawn//14.33131 2012-01-06T02:20:33Z 2012-01-09T03:27:47Z

The concept is simple, every 4-6 months I have to get blood drawn to see how my immune system is doing. Instead of keeping that fun to myself, I open it up to the public and offer a prize to whoever guesses the closest.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com

Happy New Year!

What better way to splash back into blogging in the new year than with a Labtest Contest? If you're new here, the rules are below. The concept is simple, every 4-6 months I have to get blood drawn to see how my immune system is doing. Instead of keeping that fun to myself, I open it up to the public and offer a prize to whoever guesses the closest. The price this time?

Let me tell ya via video!

Here's the Roll Call of Champions and last 5 t-cell counts:

CURRENT CHAMPION: Justin Starkenburg (guess: 570 actual count: 579)

Previous Champions...
March-July 2010: Charles Oliff (guess: 567 actual count: 565)
July-December 2010: Aimee Lee (guess: 516 actual: 511)
December 2010- March 2011: "Satan" (guess: 666 actual: 662)
March-July 2011: Sharon Paul (guess: 520 actual: 508)

Official Rules
1. You have to post your guess (between 400 and 700 t-cells) on my Poz blog Comments section
2. Relatives are disqualified (only because that makes this seem official)
3. Closest guess wins- no Price is Right logic applies.
4. One vote/guess per person.
5. Deadline is ~~Tuesday, January 10~~, THURSDAY, JANUARY 12 2012 at 11:59 EST.

]]> Happy Holidays & New Year (Last Post of 2011!) tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33100 2011-12-21T16:22:57Z 2011-12-21T16:44:22Z

Whether you've ever been given a life-threatening diagnosis or not, life is ultimately too short not to find peace while we are tooling around here.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com A very happy holiday to you, and a happy December if you're an atheist. Whatever you dig, I'm just too tickled that you check in on me from time to time here on this blog. Lately I haven't been the updating machine that I was in January when I did the "Blog Post a Day" New Year's resolution but...

Wait- has it been a year already?

If you're wondering what I've been up to, well, not too much. Chilling out. Enjoying life. I guess that isn't isn't much in the grand scheme of things. I believe in guardian angels, and that mine have worked over time since the day I was born. And a day doesn't go by in which I do not silently, or vocally, give thanks to this.

I hope you are enjoying your life; if not, then hang in there and begin the small, medium and large steps to making that happen. Whether you've ever been given a life-threatening diagnosis or not, life is ultimately too short not to find peace while we are tooling around here.

Happy holidays,
Shawn

]]> Ryan White Would Have Turned 40 Today tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33081 2011-12-06T22:10:30Z 2011-12-06T22:17:17Z

Ryan White, the AIDS educator who rose to prominence after his public battle to attend public school in the 1980's, passed to spirit at age 18 in 1990, years before treatments were successful. Had he lived, he would have turned 40 years old today.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com Ryan White, the AIDS educator who rose to prominence after his public battle to attend public school in the 1980's, passed to spirit at age 18 in 1990, years before treatments were successful. Had he lived, he would have turned 40 years old today.

We all owe this ageless icon a big thanks for all the awareness he raised in his short time with us. Ryan, you are not forgotten. (Here's my Poz article, "Remember Ryan White", from Sept 2010.)

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> HIV Positive Student Denied by Private Boarding School tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33078 2011-12-05T22:39:45Z 2011-12-05T22:56:21Z

This student is not a threat. The school's concern speaks volumes about their lack of sexual education on the premises.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com
CNN picked up the story and interviewed the boy's lawyer.

The school released a statement explaining that they have to be concerned with the health of the rest of their students, explaining that sexual activity does occur on their premises and that 1,800 students would be put at risk. On Twitter and on Facebook, former students of Milton Hershey are coming to the school's defense. It's much like home team sports fans, who's only loyalty to a team is the fact they were born in the city the team plays out of. Some of the former students responses are so short-sighted: that the school can't be wrong because they learned there. The most laughable thing I saw on Twitter was someone posting that everyone is stupid to be up in arms about the school's decision, to the effect of, "It's not just a school- students have to LIVE there!"

It's not risky. This student is not a threat. The school's concern speaks volumes about their lack of sexual education on the premises. There is a fear of teenage behavior that is quite revealing, it's almost as if they are saying that teens are out of control and it's just too risky to have someone with HIV around. It's very sad. Of course I can relate to the boy because of my own experience of being denied schooling because of my HIV status. Even though his identity is anonymous at this point, the story is out there and I hope it's not too traumatizing for him.

My hope is that the Milton Hershey School accepts the science of the situation and changes their position. It would be a great learning experience for an institution that has provided such for so many. It's not too late- they could not only educate their current students about sexual health in the process, but also educate their former students on the virtues of compassion and the reality that we are all capable of making errors in judgement.

And correcting them.

Positively Yours,
Shawn
]]> Home For the... Holiday? tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33067 2011-11-30T16:40:35Z 2011-11-30T16:49:40Z

I know World AIDS Day isn't a holiday- just like living with HIV isn't a holiday. But since I started talking about my HIV status openly, it's become a work day for me.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com really been home on World AIDS Day in any shape or form to enjoy it in about a decade. Today I'm about to get a plane and head off with Gwenn, and do my best to share my insights on living with HIV in the hopes of raising awareness and compassion, but tomorrow?

I'll be home by 1 pm. And I plan to chillax. Going to go see the Muppets movie. Definitely going to have an iced mocha beforehand. I know World AIDS Day isn't a holiday- just like living with HIV isn't a holiday. But since I started talking about my HIV status openly, it's become a work day for me, because it's a small window from which many will gaze through for one day. So much information, which is always circulating, will be taken in.

But this year? I'm kicking back.

Have a safe, healthy and happy World AIDS Day!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

]]> An Unforgettable Thanksgiving Eve tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33062 2011-11-24T19:48:57Z 2011-11-24T21:11:15Z

Sitting on my couch, watching Jake manage the after effects of a house party gone wrong thanks to some channel's shared love of my favorite movie, Sixteen Candles. Today is Thanksgiving Day, and I'm thankful that my own "house party" couldn't have gone off better last night.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com Sitting on my couch, watching Jake manage the after effects of a house party gone wrong thanks to some channel's shared love of my favorite movie, Sixteen Candles. Today is Thanksgiving Day, and I'm thankful that my own "house party" couldn't have gone off better last night.

Did I plan a pre-turkey-tofu-whatever-you-eat Day blow out? Not hardly. But Gwenn and I did invite my family (my bro, sister-in-law, two nieces, mom, dad, best friend and goddaughter) over for a Thanksgiving Eve dinner. Well, my brother suggested we host- I didn't offer because our place is so small, and his is so big. And also, over the years, I've gotten lazy with the hosting side of things in general. I know my brother works hard, has a family, and his time gets a bit more crunched up than mine. So the hour drive to his place and back to mine isn't a problem for Gwenn and I, since we're not wrangling two kids and suffering the after effects of a graveyard shift.

So when my brother asked if we'd want to host a Thanksgiving Eve dinner, I stuttered, "Uh... sure!"

Our kitchen table wasn't big enough for 10, though the make-shift flip top is perfect for an 8-person game of cards. A folding table in the shed out back helped, and a table cloth made it fit right in. Everyone brought an item of food, so really, Gwenn and I got off very easy on the preparation side of things. With two 3-year olds coming, I made a little Thanksgiving Day table out of two pillows, several stuffed animals and paper plates and cups, figuring that if they finished up dinner early or it just took a long time to eat after arrival that they'd have something to do.

Aside from the youngins- both of whom I adore- I was also excited to see my parents. I haven't written about any of this since it's their lives, but last year they got divorced. I joked with Gwenn many times since then about writing a book about how to survive a divorce in your mid-thirties... as the child of divorced parents. Anyway, I love them both, and never told either that I think they just work better together: Dad's less of a sad sack and Mom is less aggressive. I can write that because my parents are hanging out again. I respect and love them both, and whatever decision they make from here is theirs. But, I won't lie, I love seeing them together, most importantly because I love seeing them happy.

The night? Well, it went perfectly. It's a Thanksgiving experience I'll never forget- the kids bonded instantly, I joked around with my older niece, who is about to turn 13 and is just a witty, fun person to be around... we all sat at the two tables, crunched up in our small kitchen, of which I was thankful. I ended up sitting in the best seat by chance, with the ability to swivel between both tables. Everyone just had a wonderful night, and it was enhanced because of the change in scenery... I was so happy, I didn't even mind when I busted out during the card game later in the evening.

Probably because in life, I've definitely hit the jackpot.

Thanks for reading,
Shawn
]]> 11-11-11 About That Number, "Eleven" tag:blogs.poz.com,2011:/shawn//14.33052 2011-11-11T19:53:07Z 2011-11-11T19:59:06Z

Today is Eleven Day. I love when the calendar does something quirky like this. It made me think for a second about what the number "11" has meant in my life.

Shawn Decker http://www.mypetvirus.com
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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