I remember the day my brother was diagnosed with AIDS. My mind was somewhere close to mars and my heart was splitting into pieces. Hopelessness sank into my loins and I reminisced about how good a few cold beers and a joint would make me feel. I reflect on these things to explain how I was affected by HIV, but not enough to remain proactive towards a disease that was so close to my home and heart. It had my brother anchored by oxygen tubes, he literally at times gasped for air. 

I had those gasping for air moments too, when I would wake up from one of my worst nightmares. Walking into my doctor’s office and smiling at the nurse at the front desk. Having her walk me into my doctor’s sterile meeting quarters and waiting patiently till she came in with a gentle smile.  Her smile that day had diminished. It was actually a wince of pain smeared on her face, “David, I know about your family history with HIV and I know you have been affected by your brother’s diagnosis but, David, I’m sorry to inform you, you are HIV positive.” I had to catch my breath, her words punched in the most inner part of my chest; the thought jolted in my head, “my life is over”.  I gasped for air! 

I realized over the years that, that gasping for air after those horrible dreams or seeing my brother gasping for air was nothing like the death sentence I had begun formulating in my head. Those gasps of air were the force of our inner man telling us press harder, keep fighting, and don’t give up. You’re going to make it! I remember those gasps from my brother’s emaciated body on that hospital bed and he gasped for air like his life depended on it. And by grace and grace alone I am humbled to say, he is still gasping for air fighting the good fight of hope. As for me, I gasp for air in a different way now. When people are amazed that I tell my story or email me and tell me I give them hope. That makes me gasp. My internal fight, my pressing to be a better me is benefitting more than just me I have come to realize. When I gasp, I gasp for those who I can see and those who are unseen.

Today friends, let’s all gasp for air! Let your gasp for air make you press harder into your dreams, let your gasp for air give you tenacity for your own fight for life. Because the truth of the matter is, you are going to make it. The definition of hope is the expectation of greatness. And I am a firm believer in that word. Without hope, I’d be sitting in a corner pointing at the world about my problems. But today I point at a mirror that I sit in front of and realize. The only person that can disable me is me; the only person who can gasp for my air is me. The only person who can keep fighting for me is me. Friends, breathe and breathe in deeply. If you must, gasp for air! You’re going to make it; belief is the gas for your flight. H.O.P.E (Helping other people evolve)

If you’d like me to talk about any other issues pertaining to HIV and my story please post a comment and I’d be more than happy to accommodate your eyes with my words.