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Dear Conejita -- First and foremost, i wanted to thank you very much for your comments. I appreciate your candor. But I want to assure you I was not implying anything about my partner, except that because of a language barrier, connection to care proved to be a bit of a challenge for him (one that we continue to navigate). Further, I am not implying anything about you or your partner. Yet, as I re-read it now, I see how it may seem insensitive. Please accept my apologies for this, but please also accept my gratitude for teaching me something. I'm not sure what kind of privilege i have being a gay white male with HIV. This is my story, and i cannot and will not apologize for who i am. I hope you understand that. I think we are all, in some way, marginalized. I am hoping we can focus on what we have in common here rather than our differences. I assure you I do not feel separate from you -- but quite the opposite: we are moving through the same thing. We are both part of the HIV community -- And I admire the obvious wisdom you have gained from living with HIV for 13 years. For me, it's been just six months, so I ask for your patience and understanding. Thanks again for sharing your feelings about this. It means a lot to me, and truly inspires me. I have many lessons to learn. Best, Charlie Finlay
Charlie, as a woman living with HIV for thirteen years, I can empathize with you. Yet, as a woman married to a Korean ex-patriot, I find the opening of your blog incredibly offensive. "In the fall of 2012, one of my sexual partners came forward to share he had been diagnosed HIV-positive. A much younger man, for whom English is his second language, it broke my heart." What does having English as a second language have to do with anyone's HIV status? What are you implying by mentioning that? Is a person automatically less informed or aware of safer sex issues because of their language or country of birth? Is there a statistic out there that I am unaware of that states that immigrants and ex-patriots have a higher incidence of HIV infection? I am a heterosexual, woman of mixed race, living with HIV, married to a bi-sexual, HIV positive, Korean ex-patriot; my husband and I do not have the same privileges as you Charlie, a gay, white male, with HIV. You have privilege and a community. Your statement regarding language exemplifies why people such as my husband and I are marginalized and feel we have no safe place within the HIV or homosexual communities.
CHRYS
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. HOPEFULLY ONE DAY SOON I WILL BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO OWN MINE AND SHARE IT TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE.
April 17, 2014