Regan's POZ Blog

VIV mag rocks...and not just because they wrote nice things about me! ; )  I was unaware of them until I saw this piece they did on the book two days ago. But after checking out their site, I wanted to highlight this cool, digital-only mag for women.

(also, please click on the link above and post a comment at the end of the entry!)

Are we loving this fall weather? The foliage is ablaze, the geese are flying in honking "v"s across the sky - and I've busted out the boot and tights...holding my breath (that is visible now in the early mornings) until I can add gloves to the mix...I love a cool weather wardrobe.

I do NOT love walking out to feed the barn kitties in the freezing air in the early morning, especially since they have now turned the grass alley in between the barns into the display arena for their latest kills. I've dubbed that stretch of turf "death row." Today, the (headless) count was 3 mice and one small rat. Life is full of surprises. Some not so nice - like stepping on a chilly, decapitated mouse at 6 am - and some nicer, like seeing the press (VIV) grab hold of the the AIDS issue and make women aware of their risks. I say, Viva VIV!

First, I want to pay tribute to all the gay men we have lost to this disease, many of whom are responsible for the fact that many of us are alive today. I never had the honor of meeting some of the gay men who were legendary HIV activists and community leaders, doctors, health care workers, research scientists, nurses, government workers, lawyers, politicians and just wonderful people unaffiliated with the community. But as a woman openly living with HIV, I am deeply indebted to all of them for what they did and wish to honor them today.

On this day of national awareness specifically for gay men, all of us living with and affected by HIV/AIDS should take a moment to remind our friends, families, neighbors and acquaintances to know their HIV status by getting tested. Early detection can increase your chances of survival! Yes, it's scary to get tested for HIV, but isn't it scarier to think you might be living with a disease that can be deadly if left untreated and that can be survived, if fought with treatment?

As a straight woman, I don't know what it feels like to be gay. But as a person living with HIV who has battled the stigma around the disease for years, I have an inkling of what it feels like to be marginalized by society (hint: not good). While each circumstance that makes someone feel tossed to the edges of normalcy differs, and the experience is different for each person each time, there are some universal truths shared by all people who fight for their civil rights, their human rights and their dignity. Which is why I plan to go to the HIV/AIDS Rally on the Ellipse in front of the White House on the evening of Saturday, October 10th--and why I will stay for the National Equality March the following day.

Yesterday, I attended the commitment ceremony for Marjorie Hill, executive director of the Gay Men's Health Crisis, and Stacey Bridgeman, Marjorie's long time partner. It was a beautiful ceremony and at the end, Marjorie and Stacey held hands and jumped the broom. I had heard of the tradition that is common at African American weddings, but had never been present to watch two people leap into the air over the broom--defying society's desire to keep some people from the love they deserve to openly share.

For those of you unfamiliar with the tradition, here is an explanatory excerpt from Marjorie and Stacey's wedding program:

"This tradition [of jumping the broom] stems back to the time when our slave ancestors were prevented from marrying. They developed this community ritual as a way to show that a couple was united and to indicate their desire to make a home together. As it was with our ancestors brought to America in bondage, our years of love and commitment will not be recognized by society at large. We jump the broom in recognition of our slave ancestors who not only believed in love, but also believed in freedom. We jump in defiance of unjust and un-holy laws that would deny our right to be together!"

It amazes me that society continues to fail to see the link between intolerance and suffering. All people who sit in righteous judgement of others must be reminded that their act of judging hurts and sometimes even kills other people and that is not noble, no matter what the reason, belief or justification for their judgement. Homophobia makes it difficult for people to not only live the lives they have every right to live, but it also, in the case of HIV/AIDS aids and abets (pardon the pun) the ability of the virus to kill more people. When people fear coming forward for any reason they are less likely to gain the medical knowledge and care that can save their lives. So, for anyone who is homophobic, consider this: is it right to keep another human being from good health because of your personal belief or particular view of the world? I happen to think not. And I think that anyone whose belief causes others physical and emotional harm should not feel smug sitting in judgement of others.

This was a crazy, hectic week (we shipped the November issue of POZ to the printer, my book came out, I attended the General Assembly Meeting at the United Nations and the National Minority AIDS Council's benefit "An Evening Without Politics"). I was exhausted by Saturday. But I am so grateful for finding the energy to be present when Marjorie and Stacey shared their vows and made their leap of faith. My wish for the world on this day is one of greater acceptance and openness and I hope that all people, especially, today, gay men, find a way to lively freely and in good health, despite some people's desire to keep you from that to which you are entitled.

Please check it out here! ; )

Well, in fifty-five  minutes, on September 22, 2009, I will officially be a published author. I can not believe I wrote a book.

More than that, I can't believe you are all reading it. And being so kind and encouraging. What's so amazing is how you all see different things in the book. Different parts resonate with different people and in a way, it is fascinating to me as it's a window through which I see you all better. (Don't cry Sly! I know, I know!)

I wrote a piece about the book that appeared in Sunday's NY Post. See it here (don't know if it will show up on your computer but there was a rock climber repelling down the face of the article on my computer. Which was strangely appropriate as that's kind of how I feel. I reached my goal of writing the book, and am now sliding down, swinging slowly back to earth after struggling to summit.) A word about the picture. I look totally haggard partially because my local watering hole had the best retro tunes on on Friday night and I was allowed to stay with friends way past closing. And partially because the NY Post photographer took the pic on Saturday afternoon in my bright sunlit-strewn hayfield. Minutes after stepping into the sun, my face was encased in a tiny tornado of gnats, hence, the half-closed eyes to avoid them landing on my eyeballs. I accidentally swallowed a few while laughing, thinking about what my neighbor's cows (named Hamburger and Steak) must have thought of me alternately swatting wildly at the bugs and trying to smile. The must have felt sorry for me for not having a tail to swish the flies off my face as they do.

Anyway, for those of you who saw the piece in the Post...how hilarious was the juxtaposition of the "Weird But True" headline on the column to the left with the headline for my story: "HIV Fighter Lives to Tell Tale"? I love the Post. And I love that all my most well-educated friends admit to reading it religiously, even if they have to admit that it's a "guilty pleasure" in the same sentence. I was very grateful for the way the editors handled it. What a lovely editor I had. And, not that I'm a diva but as I live miles from the nearest country store, I asked if the photographer would bring me a Diet Coke as I'd been at my desk all day and was out of caffeine. He did! I'll try to post the photo... 

Saturday, in between edits on the NY Post piece, I did the Mary Jones radio show in CT. There was a lovely guest host who said, in one of my all-time-favorite media moments: Now, I'm going to ask you a question, but you don't have to answer..how did you get HIV? Think I paused for a second? Nope. I'll post the audio clip when I get it.

Tomorrow is the POZ annual get together...Wednesday I am filming a TV show with Kenneth Cole, interviewing Dr. Eric Goosby, the new head of the President's Emergency AIDS Plan for Relief and then heading over to the United Nations where the Millennium Foundation is making a special announcement in front of several heads of state about an innovative AIDS funding concept. Then, it's off to the Congressional Black Caucus in DC to support the National Minority AIDS Council...then a wedding. Thank heavens Sundays are days of rest!

Speaking of which, I'm off to dream of being a bestseller...Thank you so much for all of your support. I always wanted to be a writer. But I never imagined that the best part of being one was not holding the book in your hands, but rather seeing the impact it has on people you love, respect, and, in some cases, are just getting to know.

For some reason, I forgot that memoirs get reviewed. I think that's because I didn't make up "I Have Something to Tell You"--it's all true! Regardless, I am so grateful that blogger Melody Simpson (also a Jersey Girl, I discovered) liked it. So far, the book (which comes out Tuesday! Holy smokes!) has only been read by a handful of people who care enough to be honest with me, but who I suspect would be encouraging no matter what. After all, what is someone REALLY going to say? It's one thing to weigh in on a rough draft...another to remark on a fait accompli. Well, here's the link. Can't wait to hear what the rest of you think!

I am eating brownies from God's Love We Deliver, an amazing organization based on Spring Street in downtown Manhattan that feeds people in the Tri-State area who are too ill to go out and food shop and cook for themselves or to go out to eat. God's Love started feeding people who were dying from AIDS in the mid '80s and the organization has evolved to give nutritional support to people with many types of illnesses, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes and HIV/AIDS. But, the cool thing is that though they once fed HIV-positive people carb-rich meals to try to help them combat wasting disease and comfort food, as they were dying, today God's Love is feeding more and more positive people diets low in fat and high in protein; diets meant to bolster the immune system and support people nutritionally so they can get back on their feet and back out into the world. I've recently agreed to participate in God's Love Leadership Council and last night they had a dinner for a wonderful group of people who support the organization philanthropically. I co-hosted the dinner with a dear friend of mine, Michael Sennott, who is co-chair of the God's Love We Deliver board. And I got a chance to chat with long-time supporter of God's Love--Blaine Trump. What a lovely woman she is. Funny, whip-smart, gracious, so pretty and elegant. And totally devoted to helping those in need. The CEO of God's Love, Karen Pearl, was one of POZ Magazine's "35 Ones to Watch" three years ago and to see how she has expanded the capacity of the organization is a testament to her character--a character that led us to include her on the list. They serve thousands of meals a day, prepared by an army of about 1,400 volunteers. They save lives, and man, can they make a mean brownie.

I am now working on the feature story for POZ and an article that will appear in the New York Post this sunday. Before leaving Manhattan tonight, I interviewed Bernard Salome, Managing Director of an amazing organization based in Geneva called the Millennium Foundation that has clever, innovative, global solutions to raising more money to fight AIDS. Stay tuned for a web exclusive that I will post on POZ.com next week after I see the launch of Millennium's new Big Idea at the United Nations' General Assembly.

Okay, back to the brownies, and to writing!

Tomorrow, President Obama will address the nation's youth as they start their first day of school. His much discussed speech (some parents are so worried about what he will say to our little ones that they have threatened to keep their kids home from school to prevent them from being "brainwashed" by Obama's words) can be read here.

I imagine the posting of the speech was in response to those who wished to censor their children's access to it (a gesture to show that the speech contained no evil ideas or untoward influence) and while I think the suggestion that our elected leader should have to share his words prior to giving them is insulting to him, I think it's clever of the White House to post it online because now ALL kids will get their hands and eyes on it, even (and especially) if their parents try to block their access.

I also think it's great that Obama's words are posted for those people who doubted his intentions...because when those same doubters scour the speech searching for dangerous subliminal messages with which Obama intended to brainwash America's unsuspecting youth they will find, instead, a heck of a great message. And perhaps those who feared Obama's intentions will realize what a brilliant man, leader and dad he is. I dare anyone to take offense to his offerings in this speech.

I found Obama's words inspiring, though they were not written for me and though it's been many, many years since my last first day of school.

In it, he calls on children to serve themselves and their country by committing themselves to a mission and working on it until the problem is solved.

Here's how he mentions AIDS:



 

I just got back to New York from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's annual National HIV Prevention conference in Atlanta. I spoke Sunday night at the opening session, with Craig Washington (of AID Atlanta), Cecilia Chung (of the San Francisco Human Rights Commission), David Munar (of AIDS Foundation of Chicago) and Del Rosa Harris (a SisterLove, Inc. honoree)--four amazing people living with HIV who gave incredible speeches and insights into life with the virus.

I never quite get over the flurry of butterflies that swirl in my stomach when mounting the stage to talk to thousands of people, but the crowd Sunday night was just incredible. I sensed so much support, excitement and determination in that room. What an amazing sensation to feel like you're having an intimate conversation with a group of people big enough to fill a football field! I really want to thank all of you who gave me a standing ovation. I felt that we were standing in unity over the truths that we all know and live and fight for. It was also so meaningful to me that people came up to me afterwards and said they'd been working in the HIV community for years and were still moved. It gave me great hope that we can re-energize all our wonderful warriors even this far into our arduous battle against AIDS. And, for me personally, getting that kind of response is like getting thousands of B-12 shots all at once! (without the thousands of needle pricks...)

The distinct feeling of renewed commitment and fresh possibility in the air is the result of new leadership in The White House and at the CDC. I think it can be best summed up by something Marjorie Hill (the executive director of the Gay Men's Health Crisis) said to me. After breakfast on Monday morning, as we sat together listening to Jeff Crowley (the director of the Office of National AIDS Policy at The White House) talk about President Obama's commitment to developing and implementing a National AIDS Strategy and what Jeff and his team planned to do to solicit response from the community of people living with and affected by HIV (12 town hall meetings around America...the first one started in Atlanta 3 minutes ago - Oriol G of POZ is there, armed with his Flip!), Marjorie asked, "Dare we hope?" I so hope we can!

Magic Johnson also spoke (and was his usual gregarious self); Kevin Fenton (Director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD and TB Prevention at the CDC--a great man with one of the world's longest titles!) and Jonathan Mermin (Director of the Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention at the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD and TB Prevention at the CDC--and equally great guy with an even longer title) gave wonderful talks and Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin and Dr. Tom Frieden (director of the CDC) weighed in via video ...read Oriol's blog for more details and pics...it sums up the whole evening!

We're all looking forward to hearing what happens at tonight's town hall...

In the meantime, some of you have asked if I would post the speech I gave...so here it is!

"When I say I work for POZ--a magazine and website for people living with and affected by HIV--and that I do that because I'm a journalist living with the virus--people are stunned. Usually, I have to explain that it's P-O-Z not P-A-W-S, and that I write about AIDS--not kittens.

Twenty-eight years into the AIDS pandemic it shouldn't shock anyone that I have HIV. The fact that it does is why can't stop the spread of this disease. Too many people still think HIV is only a gay disease, or a black disease, or a disease of injection drug users, a disease of sex workers, or something that happens only to promiscuous people instead of seeing HIV as they should--as a disease. Period. When HIV is connected only to certain high-risk behaviors or segments of the population it sends the wrong message. It's true that HIV disproportionately affects certain communities and we must address that truth in our prevention work and focus on MSM, African Americans and Latino people. But the thinking that HIV has a limited sphere of influence is killing people. We must convince people that anyone having unprotected sex is at real risk for HIV and that everyone needs to have safer sex and know their HIV status. And to do these things we have to reduce HIV-related stigma.

People stigmatize those with HIV so that they don't have to believe it can really happen to them. By seeing people with HIV as "other" it excuses people from thinking they need to take precautions. If HIV only happens to gay or black or promiscuous people and you're not any of those things, then you don't have to worry about it, right? That's what I thought.

One of my best friends told me she had a new lover. I asked if she was using protection. She said no. "Didn't my story impact you?" I asked. She said, "Well, I think you must have done something unusual to get HIV." "Like what?" I said. "Like you are a prostitute," she said. "If I needed to sell my body to survive, I would have come to you," I told her. I asked her to think about whether she really thought I was a sex worker and if not, why she imagined that. She said, "If you are different than me, than I don't have to change my behavior."

Breast cancer provides proof that when you remove the stigma surrounding a disease you fight it better and more people survive. When Betty Ford first announced she had breast cancer, the networks had a quandary: they couldn't say "breast" and they couldn't say "cancer." Thirty-plus years later, straight men run through the streets in hot pink t-shirts to raise money for breast cancer. Entenmann's has breast cancer coffee cake. Tic Tacs and M&Ms turn pink and white and the airlines offer pink margaritas in October to raise awareness. When I bought my Ford Mustang, they asked if I wanted the special breast cancer model. I asked if they had one for AIDS and the salesman stared at his shoes. Fighting breast cancer is cool. We need to make fighting AIDS just as cool.

A seminal shift occurred in breast cancer when we convinced women it was okay to touch themselves, when we taught doctors and boyfriends, brothers and husbands to remind their women to perform self-exams and when we convinced women that as frightening as facing a lump could be "early detection equaled survival."

With respect to the Susan G. Komen Foundation and others, I'd like to borrow those notions for HIV and tell people that it's ok to get tested for HIV--it doesn't mean you did something wrong--and that by facing the fear of a potential positive result, you are empowering yourself and possibly saving your own life.

We must make it comfortable for people to get tested. We need to teach doctors to simply say "Yes, of course," when people ask for an HIV test and not pose embarrassing questions. When I ask my GP to test my cholesterol levels, he doesn't ask if I've been frequenting Dunkin Donuts--he just takes my blood. Doctors shouldn't ask about your sex life when you ask for an HIV test. I don't want my doctor to ask me if I have anal sex anymore than he wants to hear my answer.

To fight stigma, we must stop criminalizing people with HIV (with the exception of the few homicidal maniacs who intend to harm). Why would anyone get tested for HIV if knowing your status means you could be sentenced to 25 years in jail for non-disclosure of HIV--even if you told the truth, had an undetectable viral load, used a condom and transmission didn't occur?

America (and other countries) must get rid of the HIV travel ban and remove HIV from the list of communicable diseases that can prevent someone from visiting. Why would I want to be identified as HIV-positive if I can't visit friends and family in other nations or if I can not leave the U.S. for fear of being banned re-entry? Few things deepen the stigma around HIV more than our nation telling the world that "those kind of people aren't welcome here." I think we're close to opening our borders.

We must address the needs of the HIV community in healthcare reform and stop making it a requirement for people with HIV to be deathly ill before they are allowed access to care. Why would I want to know I have HIV if I can't afford to do anything to save my life until it's almost over?

Normalizing HIV is key to fighting stigma. We should teach everyone (including kids) that you brush your teeth, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, wear your seatbelt, and use a condom. That you should regularly check your blood pressure, get screened for breast and colon cancer, and get tested for HIV. Inclusion of HIV in everyday life--from coffee cakes to sports cars to doctors' visits--fights stigma.

People living with HIV have to be part of the effort to unravel stigma by not self-stigmatizing--and by disclosing. I know it's not easy. I spent 10 years in shameful silence, fear and isolation with HIV. It took me a decade to realize I hadn't done anything wrong--or at least nothing that most people on the planet haven't also done. I had unprotected sex. For this I should suffer and die, silent and alone? I made the same choice as others, HIV just happened to be present when I made it. The fact that I'm HIV-positive doesn't make me a bad person, just an unlucky one. In all the times I've disclosed, 99 percent of people are really supportive and they often get tested or take their kids to get tested. When people see someone who looks like them living with HIV they believe the risk is real.

I know we can remove the stigma around HIV. We can teach the world that people with HIV deserve the same human rights, dignity and compassion we afford people with other diseases. Especially if the government, the media and political, financial, scientific, spiritual and cultural leaders tell the world that it's acceptable to embrace people with HIV and show that HIV-positive people are no different than others by offering them the same legal rights and access to healthcare and treatment, health and life insurance, jobs, marriage, adoption and travel, as HIV-negative people.

Reducing stigma will happen when HIV-positive and HIV-negative people fight side-by-side, as we are doing here today. I have faith that President Obama, his AIDS-focused staff in the White House and those of you at the CDC have the brilliance, the desire and the courage to stop this pandemic from spreading--even if that means talking about science and sex and needles and condoms in evangelical churches and schools. Please stay committed to the development of a national AIDS strategy and engage us in a meaningful way in the discussion. The community of people living with HIV will help you teach our fellow Americans that HIV can happen to anyone, and that it should be avoided at all costs. HIV is called a manageable disease. The truth is, it feels like you've swallowed a hand grenade with the pin pulled out.

HIV-positive people are not scary things to be vilified, shunned, or locked up. We are part of the solution. Because no one is better positioned to explain to the general public why you should do everything you can to avoid HIV than those of us who battle against it every single day--for our lives."

Is the title of my memoir. I held the finished book in my hands for the first time today. After a year and a half of long, late nights and endless weekends at the computer it feels amazing that the fruits of my literary labor have been born! It is surreal...magical...wonderful...
terrifying...and liberating...

Here's a link to a new story about me and the upcoming book, written by Steve Slon (who is editor-in-chief of AARP, the magazine) for New Jersey Life (the magazine of which I used to be editor-in-chief). We are also excerpting the book in the October issue of POZ (which will hit the streets about a week before the book is in the bookstores on September 22).

I'm so eager to get your feedback on the book. I really hope the book busts out of the bubble of the HIV community and reminds everyone that anyone who's ever had (or is planning to have) unprotected sex is at risk for HIV and should be tested. I also hope that the book helps to dissolve the deadly stigma that surrounds HIV/AIDS and keeps people from being educated about the disease, getting tested and treated for it, and finding the support they need and deserve. I am so TIRED of AIDS stigma. Enough already!

Well...back to editing the October issue and trying to write a speech for the upcoming Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's conference focused on (not surprisingly) prevention. Eric Goosby and Tom Frieden and Jeff Crowley and Magic Johnson are all on the lineup for the opening night's program. It's a little daunting to know you're following their acts...but an honor to be asked to participate!

I'll report from the conference in HOTlanta (aka Atlanta)...

This monday, I was a guest on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" to discuss the criminalization of people living with HIV. Host Neal Conan spoke with Jon Wells, a reporter in Canada who interviewed Johnson Aziga (an HIV-positive man who was convicted of first degree murder for non-disclosure of his HIV status prior to allegedly intentionally infecting several woman, some of whom died), Jonathan Turley, a professor of law at George Washington University (check out his great blog here) and yours truly. Please click here to listen to the show.

I am so grateful that the conversation about the increase in the criminalization of people living with HIV is continuing on more fronts. Your comments on this issue have been helpful and fascinating. Please keep 'em coming. There seems to be a little confusion as to my position on the issue, so I'll reiterate it here. I agree that people who know they have HIV and do not disclose their HIV status to their partner and engage in unprotected sex intending to harm their partner (like Johnson Aziga) should be punished.  I also think the laws around the transmission of STDs, if they are to remain in place for people living with HIV, should be consistent and clear and applied across the board to all sexually transmitted diseases that can lead to ill-health or death (like hepatitis, syphilis and human papillomavirus, to name just three). For example, if I am HIV positive and have unprotected sex with someone who has HPV and neither of us discloses that we have our respective diseases and I get HPV but my partner doesn't get HIV, I could go to jail for 25 years - and nothing would happen to them though we did the same thing and even if they transmitted a potentially deadly disease and I didn't.

While I understand our desire to punish people like Aziga, it is worth discussing what impact the criminalization of people with HIV has on the general population, the stigma surrounding HIV and our ability or inability to prevent the spread of what is, essentially, a preventable disease. When we criminalize people with HIV, it makes people afraid to talk about, get tested for or get treated for HIV, all of which increase the odds that the disease will spread. Criminalization, then, can backfire because it is a deterrent to encouraging widespread and routine testing for HIV/AIDS. It's estimated that there are 1.2 million people living with HIV in the U.S. About 1/4 of them are not aware of their HIV status and the majority of new infections result from people who don't know they're living with the virus. We want to encourage people to get tested for HIV so, if needed, they can get onto treatment and save their lives. Also, because being on treatment can lower your viral load to undetectable, which can reduce how infectious you are, treatment itself is being considered as a measure of prevention (read more about this topic in the July/August issue of POZ!). And, while I agree that people with HIV have responsibility to share that information with potential partners, the entire burden of responsibility should not sit solely on the shoulders of the HIV positive person. Everyone, every time they have unprotected sex, has the responsibility to realize that they are potentially putting themselves at risk and should own some responsibility if something happens to them. And, finally, consider this: aren't people who have unprotected sex and don't get tested for HIV arguably as dangerous as those who have been tested and fail to disclose and have unprotected sex with others? Not knowing your HIV status is dangerous for you and your partners. So...especially since June 27th is National HIV Testing Day, may I suggest that if you are sexually active and haven't been tested in the last 3 months, you go get an HIV test. You could save your own life - and the lives of others.

To find a testing center near you, click here to peruse our list of nearly 8,000 AIDS Services Organizations. Many of them conduct testing, or, they can refer you to a testing site near you.

This morning, I was a guest on the Brian Lehrer Show on WNYC radio (WNYC.org - search for my name or click here) We discussed whether or not people living with HIV should be criminalized for knowingly (or not), intentionally (or not) exposing and/or potentially transmitting HIV to another person. I won't go into the nuances of the discussion here ... please listen and let me know what you think. (Quick summary: I agree with UNAIDS' recommendation that the criminalization of people living with HIV be limited to those people who know their HIV-positive status and intend to and manage to transmit the virus to another person.)

During the show, a listener called in and asked about a case in which an HIV-positive woman was sexually assaulted by more than one man. He described how, at the time of the attack, the woman, who was aware of her HIV status, was too afraid to tell her multiple assailants that she was HIV-positive (though it occurred to her that it might be an effective deterrent) because she was afraid that, given the stigma surrounding HIV, the men would kill her when she told them. Then, post-attack, she lied to the police and told them she HAD disclosed her HIV status to the the attackers SO SHE WOULDN'T BE PUT IN JAIL FOR NOT DISCLOSING HER HIV STATUS TO THE MEN WHO RAPED HER. The criminalization laws around people living with HIV are so convoluted and poorly written that she worried that going to jail was a real possibility.

A part of me wanted to think this story was the clever concoction of a radio listener trying to make people understand the damaging impact of laws surrounding the criminalization of HIV (they prevent discussion, awareness, testing, treatment and disclosure) ... but when I got back to my office, I had e-mails from several HIV-positive women who had also worried about their legal fate for not disclosing their HIV-positive status to the men who had raped them. One asked me to imagine how it felt to educate the man (whom she knew, vaguely, before the attack) about the availability of PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). Despite what he had done to her, she felt guilt about potentially exposing him to the virus, so much so that she ensured that he was aware of a medical protocol that could save his life after he had possibly been exposed to HIV when he forced himself on her.

And this is the kind of woman who some courts would deign to put behind bars for not disclosing her HIV status to a "sexual" partner.

Jeez.

If that's not an endorsement for how broken the system is and how gravely misunderstood and deeply feared and stigmatized HIV still is, I can't imagine what would be.

Moments like the one in which I opened the woman's e-mail, read her story and understood her regard for another person's well-being -- even after he terrorized her and put her life at risk -- are why I do what I do. I can not sit idle and watch the world continue to misperceive the moral character of people living with HIV when I know, personally, the exceptional characters of many who fight for their lives every day against the virus -- in spite of a sometimes uneducated, misinformed and unfairly judgemental world.

As HIV-positive, South African judge Edwin Cameron says, "HIV is not a crime." (Check out his piece written in a Norweigian paper posted on poz.com). What is, arguably, criminal, is the lack of compassion, appropriate legal recourse (if and when needed) and clarity around the complicated nuances surrounding the issue of potential HIV transmission between two serodiscordant adults consensually engaging in sex.