Shawn Decker

Writing is one of my favorite things to do- when I'm inspired.  When I'm not I've learned not to push it. It's why this blog goes through dry spells. Do I like sharing my life? Yes. But not so much when I'm not in the mood to write. Which can be often.

Lately, I've really gotten into writing again. Old school. With a pen and notebook.  It's a creative project, I'll share details if anything ever comes of it.  I know, that's a tease. But I wanted to enter 2012 sharing more details of my life and I'm happy to report that one of the great joys of my existence has found it's way back into my daily routine.

On a personal health note, I've succumbed to one of the bugs that's been going around town. Fortunately it's not the "flu-like symptoms" one that some friends have been felled by.  Mine is just the annoying sinus drainage, sleep ruining type.  A constant minor headache accompanied by lethargy.  What's most irritating is that it has kept me from writing and going to the gym. It didn't keep me from watching the Royal Rumble, though.  So it isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things.  I'm just taking my time and resting up for a trip that's right around the corner.

Hope this finds you all feeling well and doing whatever it is that you love to do.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Apparently I have the ankle of a senior citizen who had a serious ankle injury in their youth.  On Monday morning, I got an X-ray of my problem spot- my left ankle- and the orthopedic foot and ankle specialists were pretty alarmed by what they saw.  A complete lack of cartilage that is causing stress between two bones in my ankle.  Fortunately, I was prepared for the news, considering that I've been limping on and off for several years now. It was the increase in pain at the end of summer that necessitated the appointment.


None of the solutions for this kind of problem applies to me. An ankle replacement is only good for about 10 to 15 years, which isn't appropriate for someone my age. Another alternative, fusing the bones, would make the ankle immobile, and I don't register the levels of pain that make this option a no-brainer for a lot of people whose bones and joints are in far worse shape. The cause of the deterioration is a lifetime of hemophilia and minor bleeding into the joint. The blood erodes the cartilage- once that's gone there's no protection in the joint.  Another culprit is the adverse effect that HIV medications can have on bone density. I've been on the meds since 1999, so...

So, what do I do?  Well, I can minimize pain by avoiding super long walks, accepting the generous amounts of available wheelchairs in airports, giving up tennis (even triples play with friends, one of my favorite summer activities) and bowling.  And no more hopping around on stage during Synthetic Division shows.  I plan to keep my weight reasonable by using the exercise bike at the gym.  In terms of the pain, one thing that has helped out is the strap-on that I started wearing last fall... a strap-on ankle brace, folks. Minds out of the gutter, please.  Mainly, I need to ice up and stay off of the ankle when it starts hurting.

The strategy in doing all of these things is to bide my time until science catches up.  One of the specialists, a guy around my age, said that labs are working diligently in the hopes of discovering a way to regrow cartilage.  He estimated that this could be available in 10 years time.  Both he and the doctor agreed that I should basically do nothing at this point.  I am on board to take the ankle issue seriously, and have it last until the day that science bails me out.

Is it a tough pill to swallow?  Not yet. I guess part of my journey has been dealing with medical news.  Bad news.  I'm sure it's going to be frustrating when the ankle prevents me from doing something I really want to do.  That undoubtedly will happen, and the temptation will be there to press on and just deal with the pain afterward.  The problem is getting into a bad routine- if I do that enough times then I could really do more damage.  And, in a way, I've already done that.  The ankle has been hurting for years now.  Hell, it hurt so bad a few years ago that I hailed a cab halfway through the AIDS Walk in NYC.  I think my shirt even said, "Limpin' Ain't Easy" that year. 

I'm cool with the plan.  I'm at peace with how much I've been able to do with this ankle. It's helped me kick HIV's ass. It's taken me places I never imagined I'd go, and now I need to show my thanks by giving it a much-needed rest.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Yes, you read that right- an actor of prominence wore a red ribbon on his suit jacket at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. Before I laud praise, I gotta say that it was wonderful to see one of those little suckers.  Really.  I paused the screen to inspect it, I was so excited.

Back in the 1990s, actors routinely wore red ribbons to award shows to express their solidarity with the plight of those living with HIV.  But once treatments became available to those in privileged areas of the world, the red ribbons started to disappear.  By the end of the 90s the red ribbons had gone the way of the parachute pants, deemed unworthy to enter the new millennium. So big ups to the one and only Steve Buscemi, who continued his tribute to the 90s by losing a Best Actor Award in the TV Series to Kelsey Grammer. 

If there's ever a ribbon made for actors who lose acting awards to Grammer, I'm wearing one in your honor, Steve.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

So I'm doing alright! But enough about me. Who guessed the closest? Who is the new champion? (Sorry Justin Starkenburg, you've been dethroned.)  Well, it is none other than the wonderful Bob Geise, who registered a guess of 595 and missed the actual count by a gaggle of 5 t-cells. Impressive work for a competitor in the contest who has tried to win this title before. I caught up with Bob earlier on Facebook to get his reaction to the victory and how it came to be.

"I actually did use a formula to figure it out. I wish I could remember it. It had something to do with averaging your numbers and then averaging the amount of change from test to test. Somehow I figured for outliers and made an educated guess."

Impressive stuff! 

If you recognize Bob on this blog, it may be from last year when I posted one of his poems about Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas.  Bob writes extensively on his Eloquent With Rage Facebook page, I strongly encourage everyone to Like this page because Bob has a big heart, an open mind and an incredibly deft grasp of the English language.  A literary triple threat!
 
And now he is the Labtest Contest Champion of my T-Cells.

So a big congratulations to Bob, who has opted for the signed copy of My Pet Virus because he lent his to someone and never got it back. Perhaps that act of treachery inspired the demented formula that led to this rousing victory?  Thanks to everyone who participated in the Contest.  Per standard protocol, I cannot honor your request for a recount... just come back in June and try again!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Positively Yours,
Shawn

When Gwenn and I went to pick up my HIV medications, I made a video update in the car that was intended to be a joke of sorts about how long it can take to pick up meds. Then when we got home, and I made another video about what we discovered about my medication that wasn't so funny. Check out the videos, particularly the second one below. If you don't like Vlogs- then here's a spoiler: one of my drugs was in the wrong pill bottle. That's why it's very important for anyone who takes medication to know what their pills look like, and what they are called.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Happy New Year!

What better way to splash back into blogging in the new year than with a Labtest Contest?  If you're new here, the rules are below.  The concept is simple, every 4-6 months I have to get blood drawn to see how my immune system is doing.  Instead of keeping that fun to myself, I open it up to the public and offer a prize to whoever guesses the closest. The price this time?

Let me tell ya via video!


Here's the Roll Call of Champions and last 5 t-cell counts:

CURRENT CHAMPION: Justin Starkenburg (guess: 570 actual count: 579)

Previous Champions...
March-July 2010: Charles Oliff (guess: 567 actual count: 565)
July-December 2010: Aimee Lee (guess: 516 actual: 511)
December 2010- March 2011: "Satan" (guess: 666 actual: 662)
March-July 2011: Sharon Paul (guess: 520 actual: 508)

Official Rules
1. You have to post your guess (between 400 and 700 t-cells) on my Poz blog Comments section
2. Relatives are disqualified (only because that makes this seem official)
3. Closest guess wins- no Price is Right logic applies.
4. One vote/guess per person.
5. Deadline is Tuesday, January 10, THURSDAY, JANUARY 12 2012 at 11:59 EST.

A very happy holiday to you, and a happy December if you're an atheist. Whatever you dig, I'm just too tickled that you check in on me from time to time here on this blog.  Lately I haven't been the updating machine that I was in January when I did the "Blog Post a Day" New Year's resolution but...

Wait- has it been a year already?

If you're wondering what I've been up to, well, not too much.  Chilling out.  Enjoying life.  I guess that isn't isn't much in the grand scheme of things.  I believe in guardian angels, and that mine have worked over time since the day I was born.  And a day doesn't go by in which I do not silently, or vocally, give thanks to this. 

I hope you are enjoying your life; if not, then hang in there and begin the small, medium and large steps to making that happen.  Whether you've ever been given a life-threatening diagnosis or not, life is ultimately too short not to find peace while we are tooling around here.

Happy holidays,
Shawn

Ryan White, the AIDS educator who rose to prominence after his public battle to attend public school in the 1980's, passed to spirit at age 18 in 1990, years before treatments were successful.  Had he lived, he would have turned 40 years old today.

We all owe this ageless icon a big thanks for all the awareness he raised in his short time with us. Ryan, you are not forgotten. (Here's my Poz article, "Remember Ryan White", from Sept 2010.)

Positively Yours,
Shawn