Shawn's POZ Blog

A couple of weeks ago I went in for my every-four month labs to see what's cookin' with my pet virus.  Good news: my t-cells are 511 (28%) and the viral load was less than 48 copies, which is near nothing.  That's pretty much the same as they were in June, and have been in the ballpark for the last couple of years.

As has been chronicled, I do a week on HIV meds, followed by a week off.  These labs were taken after 6 days off meds.  With the success I've had keeping my numbers stable, I broached the topic of trying one week on, two weeks off meds.. but Dr. Greg wasn't too keen on it, thinking that two weeks would be too much time for the virus to cause trouble.  He said he wasn't too worried about the short-term effects, but was thinking that down the line it could present other problems in my body.

I relented quickly, because I respect my doctor for going along with the plan that has worked like a charm.  And he's the one who reads every boring article that comes out about the intricacies of this virus.

My reason for wanting a longer break has been absent-mindedness and lethargy.  Recent articles on how HIV can affect the brain and memory haven't set me at ease, either.  I don't write much about my worries about living with HIV, but I can say that losing my wits is right up there at the top.  And it's especially frustrating on the days when things just aren't clicking in the old nugget; like when I wake up feeling exhausted instead of rested or, in the middle of a shower, I wonder if I've already washed my hair or not.

This tends to happen after a couple of days on meds.  But I do wonder whether I pin everything on the medications, because laying blame on the virus is too damn scary a thought.

If I haven't been blogging much, it's because because my terd brain is liking the Twitter format: in and out, done in less than 140 characters.  I've been working on my second book.  Printing it out and realizing it wasn't quite up to par has made me doubt myself and my ability to focus and tell a story that's 70,000 words as well, another reason why the two weeks off fantasy materialized.  Also, 70,000 words is a substantial amount of characters... way more than Twitter allows.  If I don't get the book where I want it, maybe I'll just release the damn thing for free on Twitter as a 500-part series?

The inner battle to continue my writing career has been fueled by the literary (sales) success of Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin, both of whom outsold my cult classic memoir, My Pet Virus, in a matter of minutes.  Palin's book even offed Rachel Maddow, one of my favorite TV politicos. 



See, I plan to outsell both Prejean and Palin together, but it's going to take a lot of books to do it... and that's why I'm sticking with one week on, one week off meds schedule that has worked for me.  Writing isn't fruitful at the moment, so I'm setting the book aside until the new year.  There's World AIDS Day/Week to focus on, which is taking me and Gwenn to five different states in five days.  And then there's the holidays soon after.. but when the dust settles, I will write again.

In the meantime, I will sleep with one eye open, looking out for that damn Going Rogue book of Palin's.  If you want to live to see 2010, I'd suggest that you do the same.

Positively Yours,
Shawn





Shawn on:  
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No, the Hemo2Homo Connection movie review team has not ventured into the realm of adult entertainment.  Some months back, both Steve Schalchlin- my erstwhile movie review partner- and I were approached by a padded underwear company to give their Butt For You product a review. 

Steve, of course, wrote his promptly back in May. 

I slacked.

When the last month's issue of Poz magazine came, and I was feverishly flipping to my column to read my handiwork (I still get excited every time a column is published), I came across a review of... padded underwear. "Oh, shit," I thought.  I'd not yet reviewed the sample pair of underwear that was sitting in my drawer.... the very pair of underwear that I shared some great memories with: a Depeche Mode concert, a couple of long writing sessions on a hard chair in the coffee shop and a car trip that lasted about 6 hours.  Of course, they were washed in between uses.  But I really put these things to the test!

Maybe I procrastinated with this blog because, while I may be very public with my HIV status, I am far less vocal about a more obvious problem in my life: I don't have an ass.  And I'm not sure what happened to it.  I've posted Missing signs all over town, and haven't heard a peep.  I couldn't put a picture on them because I have no recorded evidence that I ever had an ass to begin.

This issue may be hereditary; my brother doesn't have an ass either.  In my case, it is said that HIV can affect fat distribution in the body.  So at least I have an excuse.  What sucks isn't the vanity expect, it's that it gets uncomfortable sitting for an extended period of time due to the lack of an ass.  This is why I was psyched about the padded underwear sample.

As soon as I put them on I became a different person: I flaunted my ass.  "Check it out!"  I told Gwenn, prancing around the bedroom, refusing her sexual advances* because taking off the underwear would have had a Sampson-losing-his-hair effect on my mojo.  At the coffee shop, I made a female friend touch my bum against her will.  "I don't understand what's happening," she said as we stood in the parking lot and I yelled.  "Just touch my ass dammit!"

To see me modeling the underwear, click here. 

The vanity of it all had turned me into a monster.  But that was just the aesthetics.  After sitting for a while, I didn't notice my ass hurting, which was good.  During longer stints, however, I found myself wishing I didn't notice my sore butt... maybe after the initial rush, I was hoping that more of the discomfort would be alleviated.  It was better, but I wanted full-on relief.  More padding.  More ass. 

If Badunkadunk For You is coming down the pipeline, sign me up, man.

Till then?  I would recommend Butt For You for my fellow assless wonders of the world.  Steve really enjoyed his pair, and with the terrible seats in my local movie theaters I anticipate Butt For You joining me for the next Hemo2Homo Connection review. 

You can check out Butt For You here.  They range in price from $37-$60, and the cushion pads fit neatly in two little cheek slots in the back of the underwear.  Once you get the hang of sliding them in, it only adds a couple of minutes to your morning routine: worth it if you have a desk job that requires a lot of sitting.

Just make sure you avoid the temptation to ask a co-worker to rub your ass.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

* there may or not have been sexual advances made by Gwenn Barringer as the sole result of Shawn's wearing of the Butt For You padded underwear product.

** that may or may not be Shawn modeling the product.



 
Shawn on:  
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The Onion has done it again.  They've peeled back the rhetoric to examine- in a comedic manner- why there is a ban on gays in the military.  Perhaps it's love for, and not fear of, gays that is the culprit?

Allow the fake general to explain.

Happy Veteran's Day. Here's to a future veteran's day that honors all who serve our country proudly, regardless of sexual orientation. Let everyone fight for me, because thinbloods will be the last ones allowed out on the combat fields... I ain't complainin', I'm more cut out for Mortal Kombat than actual combat. Positively Yours, Shawn Shawn on:  
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The Bill for health care/insurance reform passed the House, up next is a vote in the Senate.  I'm sure you don't come to Shawn's Blog for all of your political news, but this has captured my attention as of late and I'd feel kind of toolish if I didn't write about what was important to me.

This guy was happy, too, saw him while I was out enjoying my Decker's Daily Coffee.

Last week I likened the vote for Virginia's new governor to the airing of the re-envisioning of an early 1980's sci-fi classic, V.  Well, I finally watched V to escape the Democrats limp showing at the polls, and I got hit over the head with some none-too-subversive political commentary.

For starters- it's obvious that the aliens are evil.  They show up in every large city and broadcast a message in whatever language will get the point across depending on where they are.  The alien leader is female- as it would appear- and she is hot, which means the human race is pretty much doomed.  From there, for some reason, she has to turn to the American media to get their message across....

What, did the UFOs run out of fuel, or did the wide-screen TV on the bottom of their spacecrafts short out?

Anyway, from there it became apparent that they came because they fear our half-black president.  There, I said it.  "They are offering hope," one wide-eyed teen says to his mother, who doesn't get why he's jumped on this aliens-are-here bandwagon.  Crazy kids and their gullibility!  Then, when the hot alien leader lands an interview with Scott Wolf, presumably of the Today Show, she says they want to cure humans of their ailments with their new-fangled alien technologies.

Cool, no more hemophilia and AIDS.  I'm down with that. 

But before I could imagine a life without my medical Achille's heels, the line came:  "You mean, universal health care?"  Which is, quite obviously, evil.  Us humans survive because we allow a large portion of our species to die off.  I'm being sarcastic.  But I was right- this time I was pulling for the aliens, especially since humans wrote this garbage.  And, in terms of watching more, I'll be pulling the plug on the new V, now having to pluck down money to see the aliens really get us good in the new alien abduction movie, the Fourth Kind.

Positively Yours,
Shawn



Shawn on:  
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Yesterday in DC, opponents of health care reform gathered to wave signs and chant their claims that they are more patriotic than those who want to provide decent, affordable and ethical health care to their countrymen.

As Tool Academy standout and Matthew Shepard denier Virginia Foxx looked on, House Minority Leader, John Boehner, got a semi as he blustered about his founding fathers.  He then proudly recited a passage from his traveler's edition of the Constitution, which he must have dug out of the bottom of a box of cereal... patriotism is fine, but Boehner was quoting the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution.



Instead of correcting him, Representative Michele Bachmann just read along with him beside Foxx, as other more-patriotic-than-thou Republican representatives stood behind him.

Would I have known the difference had I not been alerted to the blunder?  No, because when I was learning those things in public school I'd just been diagnosed with HIV and given less than two years to live.  (That timeline may not hold up under serious scrutiny: editor's note, editor being Shawn Decker.) 

In this month's Poz magazine, I wrote a column on why I support this measure and that something tangible needs to be done on this issue.  You can read more personal stories here.  I don't think you have to have been born with a medical condition or know the difference between the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence to understand that this is the issue of the day, and today is the day to act.  Tomorrow the House votes on health care reform. 

Call your representative's office and tell them- if it's the case- that you support health care reform.  

Positively Yours,
Shawn 
 

Shawn on:  
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When I was a kid, I loved the sci-fi series, V.  So I was optimistically excited about the premiere of the new take on the story of aliens who descend on Earth and gain our trust before revealing... a darker agenda.

Remember this?




V was awesome.  It was like the original Lost, only cool stuff actually happened.  Right now, that precious new episode is sitting on my TiVo, because I am too bummed about tonight's election results to deal with a potential blow to my childhood nostalgia if they blow it.  Why so blue?  Because here in real life, Democrat Creigh Deeds allowed Republican Bob McDonnell to trounce him for Governor of Virginia. 

Some say Deeds lost it in the debate, when he turned to his opponent and screamed, "Reptile!  You are a reptile!", over and over again as McDonnell unflinchingly stared out into the crowd until his democratic rival was wrestled away from the stage.

Actually, what hurt Creigh was the campaign strategy to distance himself from Obama, who has an over 50% approval rating in Virginia, particularly among the demos who stayed home on voting day, specifically, the under 30 crowd and black voters.  Well, now Creigh sure has a lot of distance from Obama.  It's a smaller version of Al Gore distancing himself from Bill Clinton back in 2000, and we all saw how that one turned out for the human race.

What bothers me most about the blowout election result is that I know that Glenn Beck is going to wake up with a wet spot in his tighty whities this morning because of what went down in my beloved Commonwealth of Virginia.  And there's probably going to be a stain right beside it with Maine's name on it, too.  But at least Maine mobilized, even though it wasn't enough to uphold the right for same sex couples to get married. I wonder what's worse: fighting your ass off for what's right and losing or just sleeping through it all?

We have wrapped marriage up in so many laws and privileges that it shouldn't even be up for a vote- this is a moral issue.  Do we live in a country that believes all men and women are equal?  Or are we a giant PR machine with... a dark agenda?

Any way you cut it, I don't have to turn on my TiVo to get a viewing of the Reptilian takeover of the human race. Which, the more I think about it, is why now might be a good time for an escape into the world of V and science fiction.  Only this time, unlike when I was child, I may be pulling for the aliens to finish us off.  

Positively Yours,
Shawn

If you agree with me on the issue of same sex marriage and Glenn Beck being a moron, than this is a real bummer of a blog entry.  And I've been too inconsistent with updates to leave it at that.  So check out this video I found on YouTube of Glenn Beck called The Weepening.


Shawn on:  
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In the last several days, President Obama has signed anti-hate crimes in law, the Ryan White CARE Act Reauthorization Bill and also lifted the travel ban on people with HIV.  Here's video of him explaining who Ryan White was, and why lifting the ban is important.

The travel ban was a knee-jerk response by our government in 1987- and lifting it is a great achievement.  Back when it was put in place, there were a lot of irrational fears about transmission, and perhaps the still-lingering stereotype that all people with AIDS want nothing more than to pass their virus onto others.  But really, a travel ban is discrimination based on a medical condition that isn't easily transmitted, unlike the flu.

Still, I feel like it's important to post a few comments by cowards who voice their ignorance under the veil of internet anonymity on YouTube.

Here are my favorites, and my respectful rebuttals:

Beliserius1 (20 yr-old) so... Instead of quarantine the Pandemic, we embrace it. At the cost of those who, in majority, actually contribute to the taxes, Unlike immigrants who arrive to get treated.

Shawn:  Beliserius1, you are an idiot.  Just stay quarantined behind your computer in your parents' basement, whom I suspect are the ones paying all of the taxes in your household.  

krrrruptidsoless (age 49) ... This is great. As if our water isn't bad enough. Are there other diseases that we have prejudiced against. I feel horrible that we have tried to keep disease out of this country. Doesn't the constitution give disease rights. Or am I jumping the border.  Ebola should be next on the list to invite.

Shawn:  You're worried about how lifting the travel ban on people with HIV will affect your water?  You can't throw that out there and not elaborate.  My hunch is that you've confused your sink with your toilet.  Also, are you the father of Beliserius?

friteND14u  (age 33) This is just... awesome!! :D

-------

The last comment got the most positive response of the ones posted.  The hate-filled, ignorance spewers got negative votes.  So, overall, the vast majority of people who see this and learn that there was a ban in the first place, seem to support what the President is doing.  And what the president is doing is moving forward from the mentality of 1987.

Obama also debunked my Tool Academy nominee, Rep. Virginia Foxx.  She's the gem who, months ago, suggested in the House of Representatives that Matthew Sheppard wasn't killed because he was gay and that hate crime legislation was a hoax.  For the first time, sexual orientation was included in anti-hate crimes law.    

 

 

So big thanks to the president for making the world a lot less scary this Halloween for the gay community, and for people with HIV in this country and abroad.

Positively Yours,

Shawn 

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On Monday, October 26, 2009, Geocities, one of the first internet communities, closed it's cyberdoors. I didn't even know it was happening until word started to spread around Facebook today. You could call Geocities the original Facebook. If there was something before Geocities, I didn't know about it.

While my first web site wasn't hosted on Geocities, one of the first HIV blogs was- Steve Schalchlin (my Hemo2Homo Connection movie partner) and his Living in the Bonus Round.  He started blogging in 1996, mainly to keep family and friends up on his failing health.  As he started on HIV medications that began to turn things around, he found himself in the unlikely role of both being alive and becoming an internet star.  Strangers were fascinated with his writing and sense of humor and he appeared in The New York Times, People and Poz magazine alike.

Steve gives Geocities a good send-off here on his blog.

For me, Geocities was a place to chat with new net friends, who became real-life friends. In 1996, the world outside of my bedroom and small hometown of Waynesboro opened up: Geocities played a huge role in that being possible.  It's where I met my first post-positoid girlfriend.  Meaning, the first person I dated after going public with my HIV status at age 20.  She lived in Brazil, and were together for just over a year.  I learned how to disclose my status online...

In the safe confines of Geocities. In the Broadway chat room on the site, Steve encouraged me to start a blog the same year he did, when he still thought he might die and probably thought I would carry the smartass-with-AIDS torch well.  We met lots of other net friends from Geocities in person as well, when people traveled from around the world to see Steve and his partner, Jim, go off-Broadway with their hilarious musical, The Last Session.

Yes, there were internet arguments- me and my girlfriend broke up, in Geocities where we met.  There was a weird thing where someone was pretending to be teenage movie stars.  But it was cool, we were freakin' communicating with like-minded people from around the world.  And Geocities was the first to fulfill something that slipped the minds of the Founding Fathers: the Right to Have Thine Own Webpage.

I'll always have a place in my heart for Geocities, because it is indelibly connected to the biggest decision I made in my life: open up about HIV.  It was life-changing, and the internet played and still plays, a huge role in how I educate about my pet virus.  When I think back to those early days, and the sound of the dial-up modem loudly ringing out through the house, probably waking my parents up as I was logging on to find out what my West Coast friends were up to before they went to bed, I smile. 

And, now that Geocities is going to bed, I can only tuck it in, kiss it on the forehead, and say... *RRRRHhhhhhh, ARRRRRHHHHHH, IIIIRRRRRRR....... ZZZZZZHHHHHHHHHHH!* (dial-up modem sound.)  Wait for it... wait for it... still connected?  Okay, the kiss on the forehead, and a comforting, "Goodnight, old friend."

Sleep well.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Shawn on:  
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Share the Blog.  Not the Virus.

Apparently I missed Oprah's recent show on HIV/AIDS; sounds like I saved myself a bunch of grief.  Instead of having positive examples on prevention and awareness, it sounded like yet another "positoid-as-monster" story.

Jack Mackenroth is a proud positoid, Poz coverboy and Project Runway runaway star.  He saw the show, and here's a portion of his open letter to Oprah:

"My first issue with the show was that several of the women on the panel chose to wear disguises. I understand that there is a huge stigma about being HIV positive but if they wanted to remain anonymous then they should not have gone on national television! By appearing in disguise they only reaffirmed the idea that being honest and open about having HIV is NOT OK.  That was a huge disservice to the HIV community.  By not being open and honest they sent the message that people with HIV should hide and keep it a secret, which only adds to the stigma of living with the disease. Would someone with cancer wear a disguise?  If we are taught that HIV is shameful then how can we expect people to willingly go get tested?"
 
To read the rest of Jack's open letter, visit his blog.

I know that getting a fair shake might not make for good TV, but positoids need to stand up whenever we are defaced or are presented as one-dimensional, sex-obsessed monsters, and I applaud Jack for doing so.  Fear-mongering is not good HIV prevention, and because of this episode alone I will probably have to answer questions about the lowest of low risk (nearly zilch) of the possibility of transmitting HIV domestically with Gwenn, because some doctor on the show didn't explain that the daughters of the infected mothers- despite their concerns- aren't at risk of contracting the virus from common household items.

This takes away from my ability to educate about real risk- the risks involved in assuming someones' HIV status by looking at them.  The risk involved in thinking that every person living with HIV even knows their own status.

Thanks, Oprah.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Listen to me and Gwenn discussing HIV/AIDS issues with Jack and Robert Breining last August.





Shawn on:  
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With all the concerns over health insurance reform and how that would help out people living with HIV, positoids managed to score a major victory on the Hill this week when the Ryan White CARE Act was extended for four more years.

Check out the Poz.com article here.

The Ryan White bill received bi-partisan support, getting 408 votes in the House, with only 9 nays.  One of which was Ron Paul.  He's not against people with AIDS specifically, he just votes no on everything.  I say RuPaul run against him for that seat in Texas. 

Naysayers to harm reduction aside, the Ryan White CARE Act will provide federal money to assist low-income or uninsured positoids.  It's a good system, AIDS Service Organizations really rely on this, and there was a fair amount of concern over the last several months that the Act might not get renewed, given the state of the economy and the fact that domestic HIV/AIDS issues have been off the map for quite some time.

Like Michael Jackson's career boon after his death, the passing of the CARE Act's original co-sponsor, Ted Kennedy, in recent months may have helped move people to move this thing along.  Morbid, but in my opinion, true... I'm glad his colleagues and the AIDS community rallied to make this happen.

If you're looking to rally and make things happen, check out the latest issue of Poz magazine, which has an article on advocacy in the internet age.  Also, I have an article in it called, "Healthy Debate", about my life as a WPE (Walking Pre-Existing Condition) and attending town hall meetings this summer on health insurance reform.

Check it out.  Get inspired.  And let's carry the torch for folks like Ryan White and Ted Kennedy, who are no longer here to fight our battles for us.

Positively Yours,

Shawn

 Shawn on:  
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