First of all, Happy Easter. It's been a long weekend, shrouded in controversy. Today, I spoke to the only person who could make sense of all of this: The Easter Bunny.
ME: Hey Bunny, let me start by...
EASTER RABBIT: Easter Rabbit.
ME: Oh, sorry.
EASTER RABBIT: No worries.
ME: Let me start by saying that I'm honored by your visit today. I know you've been very busy this weekend.
EASTER RABBIT: It's my pleasure. I subscribe to your blog, and I also support Sanjaya. This year, many kids will be biting into their creamy Cadbury eggs, but instead of a creamy center, there's a ring with "I LUV SANJAYA" inscribed in it.
ME: That sounds dangerous.
EASTER RABBIT: ...
ME: So what brings you to Charlottesville today? Besides spreading Sanjaya awareness and bringing treats to youngsters?
EASTER RABBIT: I just wanted to show my support for you in this whole Vote For The Worst thing. Not many people know this, but there are many Easter Rabbits, it's just too much terrain to cover by yourself.
ME: That makes sense. Are there more than one Santa?
EASTER RABBIT: Don't be a dumbass.
ME: Sorry.
EASTER RABBIT: Anyway, back in 1987 after you were diagnosed with HIV, there weren't too many Easter Rabbits signing up to deliver your basket. I hopped to the task, and have been delivering your baskets ever since.
ME: Gee, thanks!
EASTER RABBIT: When I read that you were banned from The Vote For The Worst web site, I couldn't believe it. You can probably guess who didn't get a basket this year.
ME: Ah, don't be too hard on them. They unbanned me. And they are trying to help Sanjaya, just like us.
EASTER RABBIT: Well, we'll see about next year. If Sanjaya wins, they'll get a basket.
(Easter Rabit glances at his watch.)
It's been nice chatting with you, but I have to go, gotta start preparing the candy for next year.
ME: Well, it's been a real pleasure chatting with you. Thanks for hopping by.
(Awkward silence.)
EASTER RABBIT: I expect better puns from you.
ME: Sorry.
EASTER RABBIT: That's OK. Want a creamy Cadbury Egg before I leave?
ME: I think I'll pass.
Support Shawn in the NY AIDS Walk
. Listen to the Tori Amos cover. Don't eat Rabbit meat.
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