It’s interesting to me that the same question is asked repeatedly as if I know the answer. Why are you single?  Around the holiday season it’s the question everyone has been burning to ask---checking out pictures on Facebook and instagram trying to put 2 and 2 together.  I learned to adjust my face and body language and give an honest answer. I’m not offended. I’ve learned people are curious to the formula of being a “positive single” male. Teachable moments like these offer me an opportunity to tell my truth. Based on the last 6 years, I come to realize my wants filled me but I knew I desired to be fulfilled, to be satisfied. I began examining one basic need I had that wasn’t exclusive to friendship, companionship and relationship.


One basic need is affirmation.  It had to start with me affirming myself. One aspect of affirmation is the acknowledgement of truth and loyalty.   A personal mantra is, “Honor thyself;” I honor the love and value I have for myself and others. Therefore when I am asked the question of “When do you disclose your status?” The factors could go on and on, but the basics are, I am human, I’m honest and I’m a public speaker. The stomachaches, headaches, backaches, etc. make my body speak to me. The truth is anchored in me and when it is not settled, it is a mild internal whiplash. The conversation happens organically within 24-72 hrs of initial engagement, not because they were necessarily planned but through dialogue and transparency it seems to integrate in the “about me” portion of the conversation.   As I get connected and expand my network through PositiveSingles.com which is an online community where people with STDs can find support -- and a chance at romance.  It amazes me how my esteem is being encouraged by a community of peers either having answers I’ve been seeking or having questions I can answer based of my personal experience. I always tell my peers new avenues present new opportunities, be teachable and open.

 

With brisk changes in our culture and economics randomly shifting---having an optimistic outlook on life in general is so very important.  I am very grateful I have not conformed to becoming bitter in my positive single journey. I took my testing positive for HIV as a teachable lesson of how can I love myself more. One lesson I learned was friendship should always supersede companionship. If people would analyze how they treat themselves, it would be reflective to how they treat others.


 Around the holidays, it’s the mistletoe and midnight into the New Year that has the hint of aggravation in the air. Let’s keep it 100. Being single is one thing, being positive is another thing; it requires another level of maturity and understanding. Changing your environment is key. I call them low energy and high energy. Low energy is low resistance to the lonely feelings and high energy is high resistance to the lonely feelings. An example of high energy is to find three places to be social. The best places are venues that play live music, cafes or fitness classes, By any means, “Honor thyself.” Everyone is trying to be more spontaneous and assertive; so why not step out of a comfort zone and create a new experience? I have personally noticed that these experiences have given me opportunities to stretch my faith rather than stretching me.  


The New Year is approaching fast----HOURS actually; change your perspective on this midnight lonesome idea. Make a list of a few goals for your new year and began to imagine yourself kissing each one of these goals off as if each kiss is a check mark. Have a new perspective on your new year’s kiss. Kiss away the shame and kiss your goals of continual peace, health and harmony. A lot of times, we are looking at the glass from the position of sitting down at the table, but what if you stood up? Your focus is on the inside of the glass rather than the outside. This Holiday Hope is for you to began to get inside things, germinating with hope. The hope is to try new things. The hope is to be more assertive about your happiness and peace. The hope is to find that friendship that has that organic fragrance of great companionship.


So the next time someone asks you, “Why are you single?” say I’m learning how to be a better kisser---to my goals, to my future companion and I’m learning how to kiss the old goodbye. 

 

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